Cousin Jessie, Relatively Human Relative

"So you did what to her, exactly?"

You only kind of understand it yourself. You shift where you sit at the edge of the pool, thoughtfully dragging a toe through the water. "Well, remember the ritual I mentioned yesterday?"

"The one to cleanse Aisha's spells? Using the Ardor?"

"Yeah. It's sort of the same principle. When I had her pinned, I could feel whatever that enchantment was making her unnoticeable. And then I just pumped it so full of my own power that the whole thing short circuited. I was pretty badass."

"Mm, I'm sure you were." A bit of concern seeps through Isabelle's pleased tone. "Still though. That doesn't necessarily stop her from making more of her explosions, does it?"

"I think it sort of does. Think about it: Based on everything we've seen, Gal's been generating those attacks using sexual energy, right? But it's not like she's seducing people or anything; she's just been walking up to randos on the street and going to town on their dicks without them ever knowing."

"Oh, wow. Good point. When do you think the last time she had to actually ask someone for anything was? She probably can't do anything that's even close to basic human interaction anymore."

"Exactly. It's No Shirt, No Shoes, No Fucking for her now. Maybe not forever, but certainly long past the end of the war."

"Well I can't say I'm sorry for her, but I do sort of pity her. Still, you did good, Ash. It's a relief to have a bit more breathing room."

Okay, this is your moment to make your move. "And you know, the ritual worked so well, maybe we could reconsider going to-"

"No."

"Aww, really?"

Isabelle won't be budged. "Yes, really. Even if it worked this time, going into the elf's world to mess around with the Ardor and the Great Mother seems like a huge risk. Maybe it would work, but what if it doesn't? Even putting aside what it might do to you, what if something happens to Her? I mean, without the Great Mother, would we even still have our magic?"

Uh, you hadn't considered that. "Point taken. Well fine then, let's forget it. Do you want to come over? I'm having Quinn and Colin over for a movie and if you're here I can call it a double date."

"Aw, I really want to. But I can't; I promised Buzz I'd chaperone her date tonight. She..." Isabelle's voice grows faint for a moment. "What's that? You...oh, sure." Her voice returns to full clarity. "Buzz wants to say 'Hi'."

"Oh nice!"

The sound fumbles on the other end for a moment, and then Buzz's cheery voice rings out. "Hii~ Ash! We're going roller skating!"

"Excellent choice. Think you and Guy might go all the way tonight?"

"Nuh-huh, we decided we want to wait. It's getting ha~ard though; we had to have a whole bunch of sex before the date so we'd stay good. Plus we've got Isabelle here to watch out for us in case one of those roller rink fuck parties breaks out!"

What? "Roller Rink Fuck Parties? Who told you those were a thing?"

"Bangs."

"Right, obviously. Well just have fun and do whatever feels right, okay? And make sure to remind Guy that he'd better remember how lucky he is!"

"I will! Bye~!"

Isabelle's voice is deeply amused when she comes back on. "For the record, there are like three youth groups here right now. The risk of a roller rink fuck party seems limited."

You give a concerned hum. "It's exactly when you let your guard down that you're in the most danger of a Roller Rink Fuck Party breaking out, Isabelle."

"Definitely. I'll be careful. Love you."

"I love you, too."

With that you set your phone down and lean back, indulging in a sigh as you splash your foot more forcefully through the water. It's been a strange couple of days. So many different events have conspired to make you in turn furious, elated, sympathetic, and a dozen other states of mind, all vying for space in your overcrowded brain. You really need a few hours to wallow in some mindless flick and the soothing aura of Quinn and Colin's potential romance.

Oh shit, is that them at the side gate? Hell yes!

You bounce up to your feet, unable or willing to keep the grin off of your face as you stroll over to the entrance to your backyard to greet your guests. That grin immediately fades when instead of your sweet boys, you're greeted by the sight of your cousin Jessie. Bluuuh. She's so buried in her phone that she doesn't notice you as she bumps open the gate with her waspy hips, striding forward with such a lack of awareness that she barely stops herself from running headlong into you. Jesus, if she cut that any closer you'd have had a full Boobs-On collision.

She's clearly had the same thought, reaching up to protectively lay a hand atop the upper curve of her prodigious left breast. Huh, she's been wearing bikinis as tops around the house a lot more since you turned her heavy rack into a set of over-productive milkers. Wonder if that's conscious or not. She returns your frown, squinting an eye at you. "What do you want?"

Well, seeing as it's your house, you want whatever the fuck you want. You're so not interested in that fight right now, though. "I've got some people coming over for a movie. They'll be here soon."

Jessie perks up at that. "Jenny?"

"No, she's busy."

"Oh." Your cousin's smile fades into a put-out look. "Isabelle, then. Fine, whatever; I'll stay out of the way. You owe me, though."

No you don't. Again, though: zero interest in these fights right now. "Not Isabelle. Quinn and Colin, actually."

Jessie scrunches her brow at that, taking a moment to flip her braided black hair over her shoulder. "Quinn? You mean Quinn Foley? And Colin? Why would--!!" Her eyes go wide as she lets out a gasp so enormous that one of her plump nipples pops out of her too-small bikini top. "Are they doing it?!"

That doesn't even make the top twenty of things you expected to hear from Jessie. "Whoa whoa, what makes you say that?"

"Uh, duh?" Jessie cocks an eyebrow at you before looking down to readjust her boobs. "Quinn's gay? Obviously?"

"What do you mean, obviously?"

"I mean, he doesn't want to fuck me, right?" She finally manages to stuff her fat breast back into the itty cup of her bikini, giving herself a pleased little pat. "And he doesn't want to fuck you either. So he obviously isn't into girls."

"That is such bullshit, Jessie. Guys can have goddamn preferences; just because they don't want you doesn't mean--"

Jessie plants her hands to her hips and thrusts out her chest, her other nipple slipping loose as she interrupts you defiantly. "Well fuck, Ashley, you tell me then: Is he gay, or does he just hate perfect tits?"

You glare at your cousin for a moment, who simply glares back with her eyebrows raised as she awaits your response. Eventually, you've got no option but to grudgingly grumble out your defeat. "Fine. I'm pretty sure he's gay, too."

"Told you."

As Jessie slips her fingers under her bikini, hoisting the fabric up over her cumbersome breasts, you're **** to consider her in something of a new light. Like, the absolute faintest of new lights, but still. "And you...don't have a problem with that?"

"Huh?" Jessie glances your way in confusion, hands still overflowing with her own unruly boobs.

"With Quinn. Being gay, that is."

"Uhhh, no? Jesus Ashley, it's not, like, the nineties or whatever. I mean, you're gay, aren't you? Or bi, or something? I don't know terms."

"I'm...somewhere in the plus sign."

"Right, sure, whatever. I'm just saying, people who still get mad about that stuff are lame. It's not cool."

Okay, well, she says that now. But back when she was Jesse, he referred to you as 'fag' roughly as often as he used your actual name. You're suspicious that Jessie's more enlightened world view is mostly due to the fact that being a frothing bigot isn't fashionable anymore? But still, you have to be willing to give her at least a few points for this. "Well, good. Cool." You awkwardly run your hand through your hair; it's a lot harder to have a conversation with Jessie when you aren't able to come from a place of scorn. "Anyways, yeah. I think they might be into each other. Maybe it'll go somewhere."

"So you're setting them up?"

"Yeah."

"Like with Leslie and David Wright?"

"Yep."

"Oh." She inspects her fingernails for a moment. "That sounds fun." Wait, is she angling for an invite? God, you hope not. Thankfully she shrugs long before you can wrench out an offer for her to join, slipping by you to stroll towards the house. "Well whatever; let me know if they kiss and if it's hot. I'll just see what Aunt Mallory's up to."

"She's not here. She's meeting with her agent tonight."

That stops Jessie in her tracks. "Oh. Really?" When you nod, she frowns off into the distance. Then she shrugs again and changes course to head for the pool house. "Whatever. Don't let me keep you from your matchmaking. Just another step in your transformation into an old crone."

"Fuck you, Jessie."

"Fuck you, Ashley."

Good, there. Now that all has been set right with the world, you can give your sweet boys the attention they deserve.

Quinn flicks a kernel of popcorn at you as the movie reel flips to a close, his eyes playfully indignant. "Ash. You promised that movie was not scary."

You laugh as he fires another one at you, playfully batting the edible projectile aside. "It wasn't scary, though! It was suspenseful maybe, but scary?"

The blonde boy boos, nailing you with another piece of popcorn. "Don't give me that! There were so many jump outs! There were jump outs all over the place!"

"Colin, your friend is trying and failing to find the term 'jump scare' and it makes him sound like a fool."

The other boy can't help grinning as he offers Quinn a sympathetic eye. "She used to pull this on me, too. She showed me this movie in middle school that ends with a guy getting killed by this little old woman in a raincoat, and I couldn't sleep for like a week."

"You're referring to Don't Look Now and it is art. It won a BAFTA."

"Yeah, well, whatever it is I'm still afraid of people in raincoats."

Quinn nudges Colin with his shoulder, giving the other boy an appreciative smile. "Based on tonight, I wouldn't believe you were afraid of anything. Did you jump even once?"

Colin is saying something back, but you're too awash with glee to make out specifics. This went fucking perfectly. At one particularly suspenseful moment, Quinn even clutched at Colin's side in surprise. Colin's arm was straight-up around him for like ten seconds. Most people probably would have bet on those roles being reversed, but somehow the taller and fitter Quinn looked just perfect in those moments he was curled up beside the somewhat petite Colin. He looked downright delicate. It was cute as fuck and you are so happy right now.

Another piece of popcorn to the forehead brings you out of your reverie. "Well I want to be able to sleep again eventually, so we're going to have to watch another movie now." Ooo, you have the perfect suggestion! Quinn sees where you're headed, and cuts you off at the path. "Nope, you lost pick privileges. We're going to pick a movie with actual jokes in it and zero murders, and you just have to deal with it."

"You're really busting my balls here Quinn, but I guess fair is fair." You stand out of your seat, stretching for a moment before reaching into your pocket. "Just let me call Isabelle real quick and we'll..."

When you pause, Colin looks questioningly at you. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have my phone. Did it slip out when...oh, wait. No, I know where it is. You guys figure out what you want to watch; we can just project whatever off of the laptop. I'll be right back, okay?"

You dip out of the viewing room, making your way towards the exit to the backyard. You set your phone down after calling Isabelle and must have never picked it back up. Hopefully Pazuzu didn't knock it into the water or something. You slip outside and start towards the pool, taking a moment to appreciate the brisk chill of the night air Oh good, you're in luck; the phone is exactly where you left it. You bend down to pick it up, then pause when you realize you aren't alone.

Right, of course. It's just Jessie. What's she doing outside? Your cousin is perched on the lounge chair nearest the pool house and doesn't seem to have noticed you, a blanket draped over her shoulders and her own phone pressed to one ear. Is she in the middle of a call? You really shouldn't eavesdrop.

"--I saw your newest photos; they're so good! Is it as awesome there as it looks?"

Yeah, you aren't interested. You scoop up your phone and turn to quietly pad away.

"So, um, I know you guys are so busy, and it's super early where you are, but do you think you're gonna be home for Thanksgiving?"

Oh. She's talking to her mom. And your aunt, you suppose. Look, you still aren't eavesdropping, but maybe you should slow down even further. You know, just to make sure you don't disturb her conversation.

Jessie nods along with whatever's being said on the other line, frowning a little but apparently not surprised by what she's hearing. "Uh-huh, right. Yeah, I...right. I totally get that. So probably not by my birthday, either? No, right. I get it. Um, Christmas, then?" Your cousin silently nods with her mother, a hopeful tone entering her voice when it's finally her turn to speak again. "Actually, about that. I'll be on Winter Break then, right? I thought maybe I could fly out there to spend Christmas with you!"

Fuck, are your aunt and uncle ever coming back? You obviously can't hear what her mom is saying, but you know full well it doesn't take this long to say 'yes'. Still, Jessie remains remarkably upbeat. "No, of course; I know that it's super expensive. But, um, I was actually talking to Aunt Mallory? And she said that she was totally willing to pay for the--" This time you absolutely hear the other line responding, a stricken expression crossing Jessie's face as a blast of angry noise erupts through her speaker. Clearly taken aback, your cousin makes an attempt to mollify her obviously incensed mother. "Mom, I...No, I didn't...No, Mom, she offered! I wouldn't have...Mom, I wasn't trying to embarrass you, I just want to--"

Jessie abruptly hunches over, clutching the blanket tightly to her body as her voice drops to a pleading whisper. "No, Mom; you don't have to put Dad on the phone. Please, we can--" She cuts off abruptly, very still as a new voice, this one quite curt but no less furious, crackles out of her phone. Jessie quietly absorbs what certainly sounds like an intense talking to, then takes in a quavering breath and makes one final effort to plead her case. "I just miss--"

The phone erupts in a single burst of commanding noise, and Jessie gives up. "Yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, I won't call so early again. C-could you please put Mom back on? I want to tell her I--" Your cousin falls silent as the other end cuts off, then collapses back into the chair with a heaving sob.

Fuck. Alright.

When Jessie notices you approaching, she immediately fumbles with her blanket in an attempt to hide her tear streaked face. When she can't manage it, she opts to glare at you instead in teary defiance. "What do you want, Ashley?!"

You carefully pocket your phone, then sit down on the foot of the lounge. "We were about to start a new movie, and I...thought maybe you'd want to join us?"

Jessie scoffs at that, even as her cheeks continue to glisten. "Yeah right. You want to hang out with me?"

"Yeah."

"Really."

"Yes."

"Really? Pft."

"Yes, really."

Jessie's still scowling, but it's starting to fade. "...wait, really?"

"Again. Yes. Really."

"....can we watch Legally Blonde?"

A few minutes later, Quinn and Colin turn around in their seats to spot you leading Jessie into the viewing room. If the two boys find anything peculiar about the situation, and they almost certainly do, your cousin's still-puffy eyes are undoubtedly what prompt them to hold their thoughts. "We're gonna watch Legally Blonde. Cool?"

They share a glance, then quickly nod in agreement. They really are sweet boys. God you hope they fuck.

__