Connie and her boyfriend.

"And it was just sitting on your stoop when you got home?"

Connie was in the kitchen, getting drinks and snacks for movie night. Her boyfriend Mark was sitting on the couch examining a strange device. It looked a little like the handheld barcode scanners at grocery stores.

"Yeah, it just had a note that said 'Random Remote'," she called back. "Nothing else."

Bemused, Mark walked into the kitchen with the toy. He pointed it at her and grinned. "Watch out!"

He pulled the trigger just as Connie started the microwave. The popcorn bag started spinning as the machine hummed to life but she didn't turn back to him. She just stared at the microwave. He looked down to see a fading green light and a snippet of text on the back of the remote.

Sechen
Farmer
Mongolia, 1276 BCE

Mark was startled by the sound of popcorn popping and Connie scrambling away from the microwave in terror. Huddled against the cabinet, she looked wildly around the room before her eyes locked with his. In them he saw no recognition, just pure panic.

"Yeeeeee?" she screeched, her pitch rising sharply at the end of the syllable. "Yeeeee-eeeeah?"

Mark rushed to her side, but she shied away. He opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him with a string of gibberish.

Mark was freaking out. He didn't know what to do or who to call but his girlfriend was clearly having some sort of psychotic break. Realizing he still had the remote in his hand, he put it to the panicked woman's head and pulled the trigger again.