Confrontation and Passage

“You’ve been distant as usual.”

“I don’t know how you’ve been, what time is it by the way? Or am I not good enough to know that even?”

“Mike…”

“What?”

“You didn’t have to go there…”

“Where? To the place I’ve been for weeks now? Welcome, I’m getting some coco ready if you want some.” I had been escalating. I knew it, I was feeling lightness all over my skin, the individual hairs were moving on my arms. She gave me a look that used to be warm to me and caring. It might have still been caring. But the warmth had vanished. After a deep breath and a rest against the back wall. “What can I do for you Daisy?”

“I just wanted to know how you were.”

“Pfft.”

“Mike!”

“Look Daisy, you could have sent a text. You could have asked any of my friends you could have asked a teacher. There are plenty of ways to find out how I’m doing. But you didn’t. You came here.”

“Mike I’m trying to extend a fucking olive branch here! But no, you’re so wrapped up in the idea I came here with some secret plan that you can’t see that I just want to know if you’re okay!”

“Daisy.” A long pause. “I’m okay. I’m doing. Okay. I don’t think you have a secret plan. I just don’t know you anymore.”

She was relieved for a millisecond. But immediately was upset.

“The Daisy I knew wouldn’t do what this Daisy did. The Daisy I knew told me everything. This Daisy, lied.” I had so much more to say. I wanted to speak to how I felt when I found out. How deep I fell. The pit I suffered through. But that, was for somewhen else. I have enough to work on. I can’t work for both of us.

“I’ll, see you around.” She walked away with a fury in her step. But not with rage, but with acknowledgement. I don’t know what kind. But something was learned. For both of us. I needed to go home.

I spent the rest of the night trying to think about a range of stuff. One of the big ones though, that I didn’t really think about was: Why was I so keen to use the room after a successful date? Like ya I wanted to visit Lily, but Ash had worked out well. It didn’t feel like cheating but I don’t know this one felt different. Aside from the therapy. The experience of going to the first visit was so much to me. Not in value but in mental work it took to get there. This time it was easy, should it be? It was like going to my friend’s house in middle school. How I talk to her about the room and when is going to be odd. I am going to have to go about it before we get too deep in but, I don’t want it to be too early.

Dad ordered pizza so I just got to be on my lonesome for a while. I took care of my homework and I drew for a while. It didn’t take long for me to fall asleep, but going to bed before hand I got a text.

“Hey :P”

“Hey”

“Haven’t heard from you in a few days. You good? :P”

“Ya, saw Daisy today. So tonight was a quiet one here”

“I heard she’s been doin okay. How was it? Seeing her that is”

“Rough, I was more pissed than I thought. But she was trying to be a person so that was a little appreciated”

“I mean, I haven’t cheated nor have I been cheated on. So like, I don’t personally have the experience of it. But from everything I’ve seen your response sounds like what i’ve encountered”

“Ya, you okay if i talk more about it this weekend?”

“Sure, whenever is clever. I’m just glad to hear from you”

“Ya, I’ll have to try and do better about messaging. Sorry”

“Don’t worry about it :P we haven’t talked at all about how to communicate with one another. So I figured I’d just reach out to make sure you’re okay.”

“It’s more than what daisy has done for me so far. So appreciated :)”

“Glad I could help. Night :)”

“Sleep well :)”

It’s amazing how a small interaction could have such an impact. Daisy tried to do that with me. But with what happened. It was a much bigger incident. It’s amazing how asking the same question can have different implications with context. But that’s just kinda how it goes. Daisy was my first major partner. And with what happened, it fucked me up. And her trying to act like nothing happened. It only made me feel like she didn’t care, like asking how I was doing was rubbing a wound in.