Condiment King

“Condiment King sighted at Dini’s, send a small squad car and make sure you bring any food to be garnished,” The police dispatcher said through Batgirl’s cowl as she swung through the red Gotham skies.

“Condiment King? Really?” Batgirl thought to herself as she felt the warm summer wind against her face. It had been so long since she had been up here, dancing across rooftops and being who she had always wanted to be. As she moved across rooftops, Barbara had forgotten how exhausting some of the leaps could be. More importantly she had forgotten how short her cape was in this suit. If people looked outside their window they would see her plump behind bouncing with each and every step, the lines of her panties shifting as well.

“Note to self,” Batgirl mumbled as her hands moved back to pick out the spandex and cotton her cheeks quietly ate. “Buy more athletic underwear.”

Soon she grappled down towards Dini’s, a few cop cars already pulled up and blocking regular folk from getting hurt by the condiment menace. She planted a bit awkwardly as the cops could hear her descent.

“Ah Bats, didn’t think you would be taking care of this on-” Detective Renne Montoya began before looking at Batgirl. Montoya had been around a lot of Gotham’s heroes, seeing three different Robins, that woman with the crossbow and cross, and even that creepy Batgirl with the sewn mouth. The original Batgirl she remembered was peppy, athletic, a model who happened to fight crime. Not the thicc crimefighter that stood in front of her. “Batgirl?”

“The original, here to help,” Batgirl responded. “What’s he doing there officer?”

“Oh Mayo usually robs a few diners every week, I unfortunately got the call to night to handle him. He’s really just a cupcake.”

“A cupcake I can handle,” Batgirl responded as she walked ahead. “Keep people away and I’ll make sure this is handled.”

As Batgirl walked to enter the diner her cheeks swayed, the grey fabric becoming slightly see through as Montoya could make out the slight wedgie and Nightwing print of the panties Batgirl had chosen for the night. Montoya chuckled a bit, biting her lip as she pictured what Batgirl looked underneath all that spandex. A thought for Kate she supposed as she maintained a perimeter.

DING!

“Who’s there!” The Condiment King called out as Batgirl remembered how to pose when confronting a villain

“Remember Barbara, legs spread, hands on hips, and remember your voice is sharp and stern,” Batgirl thought to herself as she finally spoke. “Hands up Condiment King! Or prepare to face justice from Batgirl!”

“Batgirl? Please, you’re not Batgirl. You’re not nearly blonde or chatty enough, or a scary demon who broke my leg and arm!” Condiment King yelled out as he held one of his ketchup blasters out. “You’re just another red headed wannabe who wants to make a name by taking out the King of Catsup, the Regal Man of Relish, the Condiment King!”

“Ugh, this is the problem with interns” Batgirl thought to herself. “Listen we fought before, you know back when Nightwing was in green shorts, I was yay high, had braces.”

“That was the pretender, Standler! And I don’t like Bats,” Condiment King roared as she shot ketchup and mustard towards Batgirl. The heroine tried diving behind a booth, but didn’t see the slick of ketchup the King had fired before her arrival. Batgirl slipped losing her balance and landing on the floor ass up as she could feel the mustard and ketchup hit her costume, drenching the grey fabric in yellow and red goo.

“Ugh,” Batgirl muttered as she slowly pulled herself up from the floor, her legs aching as she put her fists up. “Seriously? You decided to use condiments as a weapon?”

“I have! They give me all the power in the world! And you can’t cut the mustard you curvy cow! Not when The Condiment King is the greatest of them all!”

Batgirl moved to kick Condiment King, before hot sauce went flying, blinding that heroine as she crashed into one of the tables, the corner ripping a bit of her costume on the side, a hint of her white fullbacks breaking free.

“Ahh!” Batgirl muttered as she wiped the sauce from her eyes, really longing for her glasses as she popped back up and took a swing at the villain.

CRACK!

Batgirl landed a solid right hook against Condiment King, sending him falling to the ground. Even after all this time Barbara Gordon knew how to throw a mean right hook. She looked down on herself, her costume covered in red, yellow, even a little green from Condiment King’s attack. Batgirl couldn’t go swinging around like this.

As she pulled, cuffed, and escorted Condiment King out, Renee Montoya laughed at Batgirl for a moment.

“Rough first night back?” Montoya said.

“You could say that,” Batgirl mumbled. “Hey you wouldn’t know a dry cleaner at this hour?”

“Funny you should mention that,” Montoya said with a smile.