Comments on Episode 5

You might think that this was an odd tale to choose, as the lead male does get any sex in the original story. From the moment I chose Eva to play Fiammetta, I saw her as perfect for the lead female strutting about on the tower in all her blonde pale nakedness. Then Eva told us she had once been badly sunburnt as a child and this would bring back nightmares. I asked how it was different from sunbathing nude, which I knew she did, using factor infinity to which she replied that she would still have to see all that peeling skin provided by make-up and special effects. This explains the rearrangement and, in conjunction with giving the male lead some action, the extra scenes reducing Xenia’s screen time on the tower in the next episode. If you ask me, her request was unprofessional.

So Xenia took the female lead causing the swap I mentioned in the vat episode. She is much more of vamp anyway and Ed’s type of woman (soft with tits) so he was pleased to have several scenes with her. We had to be careful getting the height of the desk right as it was going to play a major rôle in the tale. Rather stupidly, in my opinion, an Italian producer had decided to put a clause in forbidding any plastic surgery. When Xenia found out that Selena and Ariana had left the show, she was not best pleased at having postponed further breast enhancement surgery for 2 years. Her exact words were “What kind of operation turns sweet little Selena into Tina Da Bitch. Acid balloons?” followed by some swearing in fluent Italian, which impressed me.

The part of the maid, who in the original is loyal, I beefed up quite a bit but in the end did not as radically change it as much as I wanted to. I had intended for her to plot the **** with her new lover, the academic, but something theatrical in me told me that she had to break her leg. Whilst I may have given the indication that once she was not going play Antonia, Eva was a shoe-in for this role that was not the case. I thought long and hard (not a euphemism!) about Christina especially given the fact that I do not think Elio would have had a coupling in the tales with her otherwise, whereas he and Eva engage more than once. What swung it was that Tina had appeared in the previous two tales. I also considered Kate but that would probably have meant replacing her in a later episode, which would have been fine but for the fact that it would be a reduction in screen time for my lover, so best not.

Whilst the Germans were stunning and not international stars, I nevertheless put them in the Monica category of being out of my league. They had not shown much interest in me at their auditions, which as I mentioned were brief. I would rather not use the phrase ‘stereotypical Teutonic efficiency’ but I see I just have. I do not want it to sound as though I was sleeping with Kate as my only option because she is wonderful, but there might be a smidgeon of truth to it. And before you mention Aria, I have indicated previously that I prefer not to sleep with any porn star, current or ex, other than Jacqui.

I cannot believe I have only given cursory reference to all the art departments for this episode for creating the snow scenes and making the sun appear hotter than it is in the Tuscan spring. The make-up on the two lead actors was fantastic as were all the locations especially the tower, which the viewer, unless they worked in the industry, would never believe was only 6 feet tall. I had them make a little video of me jumping of it. Indulgent yes, and annoying to Jacqui, but I loved it.

A final note on one of the sex scenes: it is always fun to use food, despite some health nuts (doctors) going on about the risk of toxic shock, and so we decided to fill Xenia’s cunt with a cucumber. Originally I wanted an aubergine, which I am told by women really hits the spot, and then a courgette but these were unknown in 14th century Italy and so the humble green monster was called up to do its duty. Needless to say, Ed had a good suck on it, even after it had fallen to the floor!