Coffee and Fantasy

"So? How'd it go last night?"

Clarissa's question came as Monique was finishing her coffee in the staff lounge. Her friend had a way of asking personal questions with the same casual confidence she brought to everything else, as though there were no such thing as an awkward subject between them. Years of working together as Health Care Aides at the hospital had earned them that kind of familiarity, even if Monique still wasn't entirely sure their friendship would survive beyond the workplace.

Clarissa was five years younger than Monique but had two more years of seniority, a fact she occasionally used to justify offering advice that Monique hadn't asked for. There was no real malice in it. Clarissa was a good friend, dependable when things got rough and always ready with a joke when a shift seemed endless. Sure, Monique didn't have many white female friends, but Clarissa had never made their differences a big deal. At the moment, she was peering at Monique over the top of her glasses, waiting for an answer.

"It was wonderful," Monique said, smiling before she could stop herself.

Clarissa's eyebrows rose. "That good, huh?"

"That good."

"All right, now you have to tell me everything."

Monique laughed and settled back in her chair. She'd known Clarissa long enough to recognize that look, the one that meant a simple answer wasn't going to satisfy her. Still, talking about Roy wasn't exactly a hardship. Even thinking about him brought a warmth to Monique's chest, and she was more than happy to revisit the evening.

"Jessica's house is beautiful," she began. "Much bigger than I expected. And she was so welcoming. She made me feel like I belonged there, even though I'd never met any of them before."

"That's good. I was a little worried you'd feel like the odd one out."

"So was I, honestly. But all of Roy's other girlfriends were lovely. Elaine was warm and friendly, Zara was enthusiastic about everything, and Jessica made sure nobody was left standing around wondering what to do. Even Ava, Jessica's daughter, was sweet."

"Is Ava also one of Roy's girlfriends?"

"No," Monique smiled. "She's a great girl, but I'm not sure she's started getting serious about men yet."

Clarissa picked up a cloth from beside her mug and began cleaning her glasses. "And Roy?"

The question made Monique's smile soften. "Roy was great, of course."

"Of course," Clarissa repeated, giving her a teasing look. "You say that like you're describing the weather."

"Well, what am I supposed to say? He's a fantastic boyfriend."

"You're supposed to give me details. That's what friends are for."

Monique rolled her eyes, though she couldn't quite hide her grin. "He's handsome, he's kind, and he makes you feel like you're the only person in the room when he's paying attention to you. I don't know how he does it. Even when he's distracted, you can tell he cares."

A quiet heat stirred in her lower belly as she described her boyfriend. Roy wasn't tall or lean or any of the things magazines insisted made a man attractive. He was short, soft around the middle, with a comfortable pot belly that pressed against her when he held her close. Monique had never been with a white man before, and the thought of his pale hands on her darker skin still made her pulse quicken. She imagined those hands sliding under her uniform, settling on her hips, pulling her against that solid, warm body. The picture alone left her a little damp between the legs, right there in the staff lounge with Clarissa watching her.

"And was he distracted?"

"A little." Monique snapped out of her imagination, remembering the evening. Roy had seemed to have a great deal on his mind, especially once the conversation turned to Agnes and whether she should have a chance with him. He'd listened to everyone, tried to understand what they were asking of him, and clearly felt the weight of it. There hadn't been as much time for the little touches and affectionate looks Monique had been hoping for. "But he had a lot to deal with. Everyone was talking about this other woman who had fallen in love with him, how we all wanted him to give her a chance. It was a big decision for him. I can't blame him for having other things on his mind."

Clarissa slid her glasses back on and studied Monique. "You're taking that remarkably well."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you finally get an evening with the man you're crazy about, and he's busy worrying about another woman."

Monique opened her mouth to protest, then stopped. There had been a little sting to the experience, hadn't there? Not so much the discussion about Agnes, which Monique thought had been fair and reasonable, but the realization that she was still an outsider in some ways. Jessica had a house large enough to bring everyone together, and the other women had already begun talking about Roy moving in with them. Monique hadn't been invited to join them. She'd tried not to let it bother her, but a small, persistent thread of jealousy had followed her home.

The feeling embarrassed her. Roy had never promised her a place in Jessica's house, and she'd only just begun to find her footing among the women. Besides, the evening had been full of other things. There hadn't been a natural moment to raise the subject, and Monique hadn't wanted to force it.

Still, she couldn't imagine Roy keeping her at a distance forever. He loved her. She was certain of that, just as she was certain that she loved him more than anything. The invitation would come in time. How could he possibly want to keep her away from the life they were building together?

"It's not as though he was ignoring me," she said at last. "There was a lot going on, and he was trying to be fair to everyone. I don't expect to be the centre of attention every minute."

"That's very mature of you."

"Don't sound so surprised."

Clarissa laughed. "I'm not surprised. I'm impressed."

Monique shook her head, amused, then let herself return to the happier memories. The best part of the evening hadn't been Jessica's lovely house or the chance to meet Roy's other girlfriends. It had been seeing Michelle.

For so long, their relationship had been strained. After Joe died, Monique had tried to hold everything together by controlling every little thing she could. She'd convinced herself that being strict was the same as being a good mother, that if she could keep Michelle from making mistakes, she could keep her safe. Instead, she'd pushed her daughter away. The confrontation at Walmart, along with the way she'd treated Roy the first time they'd met, had been terrible low points, and Monique still felt ashamed whenever she thought about the things she'd said.

But Michelle had been there last night, smiling at her, talking to her, treating her like her mother again. Monique was sure that there was still a lot to repair, and knew she couldn't expect everything to return easily to the way it had been before Joe died. Yet the distance between them no longer seemed impossible to cross.

"Seeing Michelle was incredible," she admitted. "I didn't realize how much I'd missed simply being around her. Not worrying about her or trying to tell her what to do. Just being with her. She didn't even bring up the fight."

Clarissa's expression softened. "I'm glad. You've been carrying that around for a long time."

"I have. Not that I don't deserve her being mad at me. I had been so angry... so..." Monique looked down at her coffee cup, turning it slowly between her hands. "But Roy helped. More than helped. He made it all happen. Michelle is so happy with him, and somehow that has made it easier for her and me to find our way back to each other. Without Roy, I'm not sure we'd even be on speaking terms."

The words came easily, but the feeling behind them was bigger than Monique could explain. How lucky could one woman get? She'd spent years believing that the best part of her life was behind her. Joe had been a good husband, and she'd loved him. They'd built a life together and raised a daughter who meant everything to them. Losing him had been devastating, and Monique had never expected to find that kind of happiness again.

Then Roy had come along, and suddenly the world had colour in it again. He made her laugh. He made her feel beautiful and wanted. He brought out a softness in her that she'd thought she'd lost, and he had somehow helped her begin to mend the most important relationship in her life.

Sometimes Monique wished she'd met him years earlier. The thought came with a little guilt, because she would never wish away her marriage to Joe or the life they'd shared. But even though love was difficult to quantify, what she felt for Roy was so much more intense than anything she'd ever felt for Joe. She couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like to have Roy beside her through all those ordinary years, to share the daily routines and small adventures that made up a life.

And then there were the nights she imagined.

Monique shifted slightly in her chair, pressing her thighs together under the table. Joe had been a decent lover in the early years, but the passion had settled into something comfortable and predictable long before the end. With Roy she already knew it would be different. She pictured him above her, that soft pot belly resting against her own smooth stomach, his shorter frame fitting against her in a way that felt solid and real. She imagined his hands exploring her slowly, the pale contrast of his skin against hers, the careful way he would touch her as though she were something precious. The thought of him sliding inside her, filling her with that steady warmth, left her wet enough that she had to cross her legs more firmly. Better than it had ever been with Joe. She already knew it would be.

Clarissa tucked a loose wave of brown hair behind her ear, exposing the pale curve of her neck as she leaned closer. "You really are smitten, aren't you?"

Monique chuckled, grateful for the distraction. "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to anyone who's spent more than five minutes with you lately."

"Oh, hush."

"I'm serious." Clarissa's teasing smile faded into something gentler. "You look happy. I haven't seen you this happy in ages."

The simple observation touched Monique more than she'd expected. At work, she and Clarissa shared the sort of friendship that grew through long shifts, difficult patients, whispered complaints and the occasional laugh at exactly the wrong moment. Clarissa knew when Monique was having a bad day and could usually coax her into talking about it. But outside the hospital, they rarely spent time together. Monique had never been sure whether that was simply how their friendship worked or whether there was a line neither of them knew how to cross.

Now, for the first time, she wondered if that might change.

"Roy's done a lot for me," Monique said. "Not just because he's my boyfriend. He's made me feel like there's still so much to look forward to."

Clarissa's gaze sharpened with curiosity. "You know, I'd love to meet him sometime."

Monique blinked. "You would?"

"Of course. I want to see what kind of man has you walking around with that ridiculous smile on your face."

"Ridiculous?"

"Completely ridiculous." Clarissa grinned, then nudged her glasses higher on her nose. "Besides, if he's as wonderful as you say, I should probably meet him before you send me a wedding invitation."

Monique laughed, but a quiet little hope had begun to take shape beneath her amusement. Perhaps Clarissa wasn't just a work friend. Perhaps they could have dinner together, go out for coffee somewhere that wasn't the hospital lounge, or find other reasons to spend time together. Monique had been so focused on repairing things with Michelle and finding her place in Roy's life that she'd barely considered how many other things might change for the better.

"Maybe we could arrange something," she said. "I'd like you to meet him."

"Good. I want details, and I want to judge for myself."

"You're going to be insufferable about this."

"Absolutely."

They both laughed, and Monique felt another small knot of tension ease. The evening at Jessica's house had given her more than she'd expected. She'd met the women Roy loved, discovered that she could find a place among them, and begun to rebuild the connection she'd feared losing with Michelle. Now, perhaps, there was the possibility of a friendship that might extend beyond the hospital, too.

She still wanted to be invited into the home Jessica had offered to share with Roy and the others. She couldn't deny that. But there was no need to rush everything at once. Roy loved her, and she loved him. They had time to work out what their future would look like.

For now, Monique could be grateful for what she'd been given and excited about what might come next. And if the thought of Roy's soft, solid body pressed against hers left her a little restless for the rest of her shift, well, that was a private pleasure she was more than happy to keep.