Clearing the air.

Authors note: Shout-out to Fire Hazard, who graciously allowed me to bounce ideas off them! I hope everyone enjoys the chapter. If not, blame them! (Kidding! That shit's on me! :P)

“Massage…? Oh, yeah, massage. Errrrrr, no problem. Just, ah, give me a moment.” I disengage from the hug, extremely flustered and very much on the back foot. Mum smiles at me, stroking my arm lightly, nibbling on her lower lip. I can’t help but notice the fire that’s sparked in her eyes, a blaze that can’t help sending a little shiver down my spine. Within that quickly growing inferno is a question, one that, depending on my answer, will change our relationship forever.

I desperately try to reel in by flailing thoughts, conflicting emotions tearing through me. Again, the problem was with my perceptions. Without really thinking about it, I had always subconsciously viewed Mum as some sort of heroic figure on top of a pedestal, an infallible woman who could face the perils of the world without faltering, never wavering, whilst somehow still finding the drive to undertake the monumental task of raising four children.

But now? Now I was seeing things differently. At the start of our little chat, I still held the image of the happy-go-lucky woman who had raised me in my head. I had seen that she had been feeling down and that she had been making a lot of self-deprecating comments. When I decided to talk with her, I hadn’t really been thinking much beyond, ‘Mum’s sad, lets get to the bottom of whatever’s bothering her and fix it so she’s no longer sad.’

Then, she had trusted me enough to show true vulnerability, something, I realised, that she had only ever done rarely, at least in front of me. In an instant I had felt really shitty about myself. I realised I had been allowing this amazing woman to suffer in silence, not out of malice, but out of simple ignorance. She had acted strong for the four of us, and other than on important anniversaries regarding my father, I had always assumed that she was okay.

And then my heart went out to her anew. Again, I had never really considered it. But of course she would want companionship, she was only human after all. We all deserve love in one form or another, be it platonic, romantic, or intimate. Unfortunately, my body apparently has zero chill, so, despite the touching moment, the aforementioned shift in perspective reared its horny head.

No longer was the woman I was holding neatly confined to the ‘mother’ box. Nope, not only was I holding my mother, but I was also holding a woman, a gorgeous woman who wished to be desired. And desire her, I did. At least, I think I did? It was hard to know exactly what I wanted at that moment. Part of me knew this was wrong, but part of me didn't care.

‘Well, replaying what just happened, but viewing it slightly different did a fat lot of good. I'm still just as damn conflicted as before! Breathe, Adam. Breathe.’ My heart thunders as I try to reconcile the two disparate images of the woman in front of me. My Mother, a nurturer, a protector. A confident woman, beautiful, desirable. Sensing my inner turmoil, Mum reaches forward, cupping my cheek in her hand. Her smouldering look of desire is gone. In her eyes now is a look of concern. Deep down, however, I see a burgeoning fear there, and no wonder.

She’s revealed her hand to me, showed me her secret, hidden desires, only for me to unintentionally recoil. ‘No wonder she looks scared. She must be terrified that I’m about to reject her, worse, that I’m about to condemn her for her feelings. For once in your life, get your shit together, Adam!’ I reach up, placing my hand over hers. Looking into her eyes, I say, “I… I want the same thing you do… I think.”

At my words, she visibly relaxes, letting out a long sigh of relief. She smiles back up at me then, and I see the smoulder in her eyes return in spades. It’s the first time a woman has ever looked at me like that, with such open, raw desire. The look sends shivers down my spine, but not for all the right reasons. As much as I want this, I know that I’m not in the right headspace right now. If I let things go the way they are going, I know events will spiral out of control to their inevitable conclusion. As irritated as I am with myself right now, I know I’m not ready for that.

So, before things can escalate further, I add, “But, I’m going to need a little time to wrap my head around everything. This is an enormous change, and I don’t want to rush things, I… I don’t think I’m ready for that. So please, can we take things slowly? See where things go?” It's my turn to sigh in relief as Mum smiles beatifically at me, before saying, “That’s more than ok, Sweety. I know this whole thing is… different, so I get you may need some time. That is if we are on the same page? We are talking about the same thing here, aren’t we?”

I smile back at her, quickly coming to a decision. I may not feel comfortable enough for some things, but this? This I could do, probably. I grin at her before saying, “Thank you for understanding. I may need some time for… other things, but proving we’re on the same page? I’d be more than happy to.” I wrap Mum in a hug again before bringing my face closer to hers. Before I fully commit however, I hastily add, “And, errr, if it turns out we are on completely different pages, please don’t hit me.” Sending a quick mental prayer to whichever deity happens to be listening. I close my eyes, then press my lips to hers, drawing her into a kiss.

As it turns out, we are on the same page. After stiffening for a moment, Mum relaxes into the kiss, draping her arms around my neck. It’s not a long kiss by any means, but a lot passes between us in those few tender moments. I step back, smiling shyly at her. For a time, I simply look at her, but it’s not long until I feel a slight sense of unease. The kiss had been nice, a precursor of things to come, and yet…

Hesitantly, I ask, “Can we talk?” I realise what an idiot I am before the words are even fully out of my mouth. Predictably, Mum’s expression stiffens. Before she can say anything, I hasten to add, “aaaaaand I realise how bad that sounds. That’s not what I meant, like, at all. Translated from doofus, I’m asking if we can sit down and have a conversation about this. I’ve been told that honesty and openness are important, and I imagine that here, it’s even more so.”

Mum sighs, placing a hand over her heart. “Sweety, please don’t scare me like that. Sure, we can talk.” We both get comfortable, each sitting on a cushion and mutually agreeing to forgo the massage for now (it’d be a little too weird) before we being to talk. We are both a little unsure, but over the next few minutes we clear the air a little, helping to relive a little of the weirdness that had grown between us.

I confessed to not really knowing her like I thought I had, but expressed a desire to change that. She seemed surprised at first, but she was happy to talk about herself and the life she had led. A little guilty, I asked her if she’d had someone to turn for help and support when during darker times back on earth, and she assured me with a small smile that she had. I deliberated telling her about the whatever the hell had been happening between my sisters and I, but as I didn’t really know myself right now and it wasn’t just my secret to give away, I kept quiet.

Before the talk could move into awkward first date territory, we called things there. Clambering to my feet, I stretch, then say, “Thanks. That helped clear my head a little. If you are okay with it, can we talk again tomorrow? I promise I’ll give you a proper massage next time.” Mum smiles, then replies, “I’d like that.” I smile, then blush slightly as I mumble, “It’s a date.” She chuckles, then adds, “I’d like that too.”

I walk towards the tent flap, looking back in mild surprise as I see Mum isn’t following me, but instead has fished out a notepad and pen. At my enquiring look, Mum says “Lisa said she’d teach me some basics of Alchemy, and you know I can’t concentrate worth a damn with people around. Can you send her in?” I nod, telling her I’d let Lisa know.

Leaving the tent, I look around for a moment, spotting Lisa and Ash still sat by the river. Hearing my approach, the pair turn and greet me, before Lisa asks, “Ash told me you’d be having a word with Mum, how’d it go?” I school my features, then reply. “It went… well? She’s, errrrrr, feeling a lot better about things?” Lisa nods and smiles, pleased with the response despite my unsure tone.

Ash, on the other hand, is clearly amused by my reticent response. She gives me her signature ‘I know far more about what's going on than you could possibly imagine’ looks. I cough nervously, before looking back at Lisa. “Mum said she was looking for you, by the way.” She raises an eyebrow, then asks, “Oh? How come?”

“Apparently you agreed to teach her some Alchemy?” Lisa perks up. “Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me.” She hands the fishing rod over to Ash (who looks at the rod like it might bite her), before climbing to her feet. Lisa gives the pair of us a cheery wave before wandering off towards the tent. Ash and I watch her go, and I smile as I see the spring in her step.

Today had been a weird one. goblin attacks, followed by that whole episode with Mum. Whilst Mum and I had cleared the air somewhat, I still felt a little off. I needed a pick-me-up, and nothing would help improve my mood like the satisfaction gained by irritating the hell out of my twin. Plonking myself down next to Ash, I say, “Well, I guess you’ll have to curb your enthusiasm, as now you get to enjoy the pleasure of my company.” I grin at the flat look she gives me, before she replies, “Oh. Joy.” I gasp in mock affront at her deadpan response before replying, “How could you be so cruel? I’m taking time out of my packed schedule to spend time with my favourite twin, and this is the thanks I get?”

“I’m your only twin, idiot. Also, a packed schedule? What could you possibly be doing in the middle of nowhere?”

“Oh, you know, watching the river flow by, kicking rocks about aimlessly, staring idly at the clouds, I might even hum slightly off tune if I can find the time. Important stuff.” She rolls her eyes, chuckles, then replies, “Ah, yes, the very height of productivity. How could I ever repay your kindness for taking time out of such a busy schedule to talk to little ol’ me?”

I pretend to consider the question for a moment, then match her grin and reply, “you can let me use your lap as a pillow whilst I go through my notifications.” She looks at me, incredulous, before snorting in amusement and replying, “You are such a fuckin weeb!” I shrug, entirely unapologetic. She rolls her eyes, but scoots back a bit, patting her lap and granting me access to the pillowy promised land.

I immediately take her up on the offer, sighing in contentment when I finally make myself comfortable. My traitorous mind chooses this moment to ask how this is any different from what just happened in the tent, but I push the thought away. ‘This lap pillow is perfectly platonic!’ Ash glances down wryly at me, a small, indulgent smile on her face, before returning her attention back to the fishing rod in her hands. She sighs, then stows the thing in her inventory. Seeing my inquiring look, she quickly says, “Less of that, fishing’s just not my thing, okay?”

“I said nothing.”

“You said nothing rather loudly.”

“Have you considered all the sweet, sweet Skill Exp you could earn?”

“Have you considered how far I could push the rod up your ass if you keep pushing me towards Skills I don’t want?”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe some Skills aren’t for everyone.”

“How very magnanimous of you.”

Grinning, I pull up my notification window as I reply, “I know, I’m practically a saint.”

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