Church

Father Maderia: Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.

Sarah, the Bride: Uh, Father, we agreed that we weren't going to do tha-

Dustin (from the back of the Church): I OBJECT! I have always wanted to say that. This is like the 11th church I've been to, and the third wedding I've seen. I wanted to get all the details right, but finally, I've think I got it. I mean, I rewound my time just a little, but that's hardly cheating. I think it all comes back to the first issue of Hustler I ever saw. There was this photoset of a girl in a wedding dress, and I just have never gotten over it.

Michael, the Groom: Sir, can you... sit down and shut up? Who is this guy? Tony, did you seat this guy?

Dustin: Oh, your usher's off masturbating until he turns into a girl. I let myself in, but you haven't heard the nature of my objection. I hereby accuse the groom of being a tiny limp dick who can't satisfy the bride, whats-er-name, who is obviously, a nympho size queen!

[Michael begins to approach Dustin angrily. Dustin hits send on his phone.]

Sarah (through sobs): Its true! His dick is totally inadequate. The few times we've tried to have sex, I faked the orgasm when I realized that even as hard as I could get him, I couldn't feel the little pin prick.

[Michael looks back at Sarah in Betrayal. Dustin unzips his pants and reveals a comically large penis. Sarah stops crying, drops to her knees and begins to crawl toward Dustin, a huge smile on her face]

Sarah: Ohmigod, its so big and beautiful! I need it in my mouth. Please fuck my mouth!

Father Maderia: I now pronounce man and slut. You may now blast her with your hot jizz.

Michael: Sorry, stop that! You can't do this in front of our family and friends!

Sarah: But you're so weak and pathetic, and his dick is soooo big! You're hardly even a man! I just loooove a big cock like this.

Michael: Sarah!

Michael's uncle Todd: Hey, buddy, if you weren't such a pathetic shrimp-dick, maybe you would be the one she'd be sucking off. Can't you leave true love alone?

Dustin: God, I love an appreciative audience. You've been great! [He begins tapping on his phone as Sarah sucks his balls]

[The attendees begin to cheer, as the bridesmaids strip and twerk]