Chapter Three: The Shattering of a Daydream and a Thousand Gazes

The doorknob was as cold as a dead iron in my palm. I turned it, and that familiar "click" sound, this time, sounded like the hinges of the gates of hell turning, each click accompanied by a sharp pain in my heart.

I pushed the door open just enough for me to squeeze through sideways.

"boom--"

It felt as if, in an instant, the sounds of the entire world were crashing down on me.

Not the filtered, distant urban background noise of midnight, but the vibrant, noisy, and energetic daytime clamor. Children's screams, women's laughter, the roar of car engines and the piercing horns on the distant road... these sounds were like countless red-hot steel needles, piercing through the soundproofing layer of my skull and stabbing hard into my eardrums.

Sunlight.

The scorching, merciless sunlight illuminated the small open space at the entrance to the stairwell, revealing every detail. Dust motes danced wildly in the beams of light. I stepped into that light, feeling as if I'd been thrown into a furnace. The heat instantly penetrated the bunny girl costume and Kigurumi leather, searing my sweat-soaked skin. I could feel every newly seeping drop of sweat, nowhere to escape, sticking stickily between my skin and the tight clothing, bringing waves of itchy, stifling heat.

I dared not linger here for a second. Head down, I walked towards the gate of the residential complex as fast as I could. The 15-centimeter high heels clicked loudly on the brick pavement, a hundred times louder than last night. The sound was so jarring and incongruous against the noisy background; it felt as if it were announcing to everyone around me, "Look here! There's a monster here!"

My vision was compressed into the two small ovals of my eye sockets, and condensation had begun to form on the blurry lenses. I could only see a small patch of ground beneath my feet, and a pair of black patent leather high heels that gleamed eerily in the sunlight, swaying precariously as they moved forward step by step.

Every step was ****. My toes, bearing the weight of my entire body, were already numb and tingling from being squeezed. My lower body, which had been pressed down tightly by the gaff and Kigurumi skin, awakened at an inopportune moment due to **** tension and morbid excitement. The hard swelling was pressed backward without any room for maneuver, and the sharp and suffocating pain almost made my vision go black.

I didn't dare to look up, but I could "feel" those gazes.

I could feel the aunties chatting on the roadside benches suddenly fall silent; I could feel the children running past me stop and exclaim in surprise; I could feel a resident hanging clothes on a balcony craning their neck to look down.

These gazes, tangible and intangible, were like a giant net, trapping me completely. I was the grotesque butterfly trapped in the center, with nowhere to escape. Shame overwhelmed my reason like a tidal wave, but my body reacted in the opposite direction. The feeling of being watched and scrutinized ignited the deepest, most hidden flame of exhibitionism within me. My heart pounded as if it would explode, and my blood surged hotly through my veins.

After finally making my way to the entrance of the residential complex, I hid in a blind spot of the guardhouse, my hands trembling, and pulled my phone out of my chest pocket. The screen was dim in the sunlight, and I squinted with difficulty as I opened the ride-hailing app.

Enter destination: West City Shopping Center.

Click "Call".

wait.

Those few dozen seconds felt longer than a century. I leaned against the cold wall, too afraid to move, pretending I was just a statue placed there. I could hear my own breath whistling inside my head, and warm saliva kept accumulating because of the gag, sliding down my lips and leaving sticky marks inside the mask.

Just then, a sudden voice rang out behind me.

"Um... excuse me, may I ask..."

It was the voice of a young man, tinged with hesitation and uncertainty.

My blood froze completely in that instant.

completion.

They've been spotted. They've been approached.

My mind went blank, and fear surged through my body like an electric shock. What should I do? I can't speak! If I open my mouth, I'll be exposed!

I stood frozen in place, not even daring to turn around. I could feel the man standing just a few steps behind me, his gaze like an X-ray, trying to pierce through my disguise.

"Are you... are you a cosplayer? Are you cosplaying Mai Sakurajima?" The voice rang out again, this time with a hint of excitement.

My heart was pounding in my throat. I **** myself to calm down, my mind racing. I couldn't speak, but I could move. What would Mai-senpai do? She would be indifferent, dismissive, as if he didn't exist.

I mimicked what I had imagined, slowly and with a detached posture, I turned my head slightly to face him, offering a silent response.

"Wow! It really is! It's so similar! I... can I take a picture with you? I love Mai-senpai so much!" The man was so excited that he was almost incoherent.

A group photo? Here? At the entrance of the residential complex?

My phone vibrated, and the screen displayed "Driver has accepted the order, license plate number XXXX, white sedan, estimated arrival in 2 minutes."

Savior!

I couldn't keep arguing with him. I mimicked how Mai-senpai rejected others, gently but firmly shaking my head. Then, ignoring him, I turned around and walked towards the roadside, pretending to wait for a bus.

"Ah... I see..." A disappointed voice came from behind, "Then I've bothered you..."

I didn't turn around. I just stood stiffly by the roadside, staring at the ground, feeling that gaze still fixed on me from behind. Every second felt like being tortured on fire.

Finally, a white sedan slowly stopped in front of me. The license plate number matched.

I felt like I'd been granted a pardon, and I yanked open the car door as if my life depended on it, shoving myself inside in an extremely awkward manner. The rabbit ear headband slammed hard against the door frame with a "thud," making my vision blur with pain, but I didn't care at the moment.

"Bang."

I closed the car door, shutting out everything from the outside world. I could feel the driver's astonished and confused gaze in the rearview mirror. He didn't speak. This silence terrified me more than any interrogation.

The car started. I slumped into the back seat, panting heavily. My mask was already a blur of sweat and fog. What I had just experienced had almost completely drained all my courage.

The drive of ten minutes or so felt like a pilgrimage through hell.

"arrive."

The driver finally spoke, his voice a little hoarse. The car stopped next to the entrance of the shopping mall's underground parking lot. I quickly paid the fare and got out of the car as if I were escaping.

The magnificent shopping mall was right in front of me. The massive glass facade reflected the blinding sunlight, and people bustled about in the plaza at the entrance. I took a deep breath, the air catching in my throat, making me dizzy. Then, I straightened my back and started walking.

The moment I stepped into the square, I could clearly feel that time seemed to slow down.

The surrounding noise seemed to recede in an instant, then converged back on me in a more targeted way. I became a black hole, greedily attracting all the gazes around me.

Whispers, suppressed gasps, and... the click of a phone camera focusing.

I feel like a bizarre work of art on public display.

"Mommy! Look! That girl is fake! She's a big doll!"

A child's clear voice rang out. My heart skipped a beat.

Doll… Yes, in their eyes, I was just a huge, weird, walking doll. This realization, like a cold key, pierced the lock of my heart. The door called “shame” was completely pried open, but what surged out from behind the door was not collapse, but a strange, twisted sense of relief.

Yes, I'm not Ah Zhe. I'm just a doll. Dolls don't need emotions, they don't need to feel shame. Dolls only need to be watched, to be displayed.

This thought miraculously relaxed my body, which had been stiff with fear.

I stepped into the mall. A strong blast of cold air hit me, bringing a long-lost sense of comfort to my feverish body.

I headed for the escalator. As I stepped onto the slowly ascending escalator, I became a moving focal point. I could even hear some young girls excitedly discussing it.

"It's Mai Sakurajima! Oh my god! She's so tall! And the resemblance is amazing!"

"Are these cosplayers hired by the mall? They're so professional!"

Hearing these words, a warm current suddenly flowed into my heart, which had been repeatedly ravaged by fear and shame. So... there are still people who understand. An unprecedented sense of accomplishment and pride rose from my chest.

Second floor... third floor. The elevator reached its final stop. I immediately spotted the storefront with the huge anime poster hanging on it—"Fantasy Cafe".

At the door, Old K was anxiously peering towards the elevator. The moment he saw me, his eyes lit up, and he strode towards me, lowering his voice, his tone filled with excitement: "Wow... Ah Zhe... you... you really did it! You're practically the real deal! Come on! Come in!"

He took my arm and led me toward the cafe door.

However, just as my foot was about to step into that "safe zone", something unexpected happened!

One of my feet, clad in a black high heel, suddenly cramped violently due to prolonged pressure and tension! My ankle buckled, and I lost my balance!

"ah--!"

I couldn't control myself and fell straight to the side!

Time seemed to slow down countless times at that moment. Through my eye sockets, I saw the gleaming marble floor rapidly magnifying before me. Instinctively, I reached out to steady myself, but my body, bound by layers of restraint, couldn't react in time.

"Thump!"

A dull, loud bang.

I crashed heavily to the ground. The impact was so strong that I saw stars, and every bone in my body felt like it was shattered. To make matters worse, the magnetic clasp on the back of the Kigurumi headgear I was wearing came loose due to the violent impact!

Amidst gasps of surprise, the face I cherished, that of "Sakurajima Mai," slid off my head with a thud, rolling more than a meter away, revealing my masculine face, contorted with terror and drenched in sweat, beneath the hairnet!

And... the bright red, conspicuous silicone gag in my mouth.

The world stood still for a second.

All sound disappeared.

The gazes of everyone in the mall, which had previously been curious, amazed, and appreciative, instantly transformed into naked, needle-sharp stares—shock, astonishment, disbelief, and… contempt and mockery.

I could see Old K's face, which had been flushed with ecstasy, turn deathly pale in an instant, his mouth agape wide enough to fit an egg.

I could see the girls who were excitedly taking pictures just moments ago now having their phones slip from their hands and their faces filled with disillusionment and disgust.

I could see the little boy whose mouth had been covered by his mother, now staring wide-eyed at me, his expression no longer one of curiosity, but of pure confusion and fear.

And I lay sprawled on the cold floor in the most humiliating and wretched state. My wig was disheveled, my face was exposed to the light of day, and my mouth was stuffed with that prop that symbolized perversion and humiliation.

I am no longer Mai Sakurajima, nor even that strange doll.

I'm just a pervert dressed in women's clothing, gagged, and lying on the ground...

shame.

The overwhelming, suffocating shame finally broke down all my psychological defenses. My mind went blank; I lost the ability to think. I even forgot the pain, forgot to breathe.

All I want is to die.

I just want to disappear from this world right now.

"Quickly! Get up!"

Old K finally snapped out of his shock. He rushed forward and frantically tried to pull me up from the ground. At the same time, he used his body to try to block the malicious cell phone cameras around us.

"What are you looking at! Haven't you ever seen an accident before!" he roared at the crowd around him, but his voice sounded so weak and powerless.

Another figure rushed over; it was the manager of the coffee shop. He quickly picked up the skull that had rolled to the ground and held it tightly in his arms.

Old K half-dragged, half-lifted me up; my body felt like a lump of mud, completely powerless. I dared not raise my head, dared not look anyone in the eye. I could only stare intently at the ground, tears mixed with sweat, blurring my vision.

"Quick! Get inside! Quick!"

Under the cover of Old K and the manager, I was stumbled and pushed into the coffee shop.

The moment the door closed behind me, it felt like a world had been shut out. But those gazes and those voices followed me in like ghosts, replaying in my mind over and over again.

I was helped to a booth at the very back, where I collapsed onto the sofa.

"Zhe! Zhe, how are you?!" Old K shook my shoulder anxiously.

I didn't respond. I just trembled violently, making a hoarse, beast-like howl from my throat. I reached out, trembling, trying to pull out the thing in my mouth that had caused me so much humiliation.

But my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't even do the simplest movements.