Chapter 32 Movin on up to the East side

The next morning felt strange.

Not bad.

Just… final.

Joey stood in the middle of his apartment holding a half-empty cardboard box while staring at the disaster his life had become.

Or maybe upgraded into.

Honestly, it was getting difficult to tell.

Crystal sat upside down on the couch with her legs hanging over the backrest while Cassandra calmly drank coffee beside the kitchen window.

Taylor sat at the table quietly eating toast while occasionally glancing out the blinds like she expected lizard assassins to burst out of the bushes at any moment.

Which, to be fair—

was no longer paranoia.

Joey rubbed his face tiredly.

“So let me get this straight,” he said slowly. “The official plan is:

* quit my job,

* abandon my apartment,

* move into a fortified supernatural safehouse,

* and start cataloging cursed objects for an ogre.”

Crystal raised one finger.

“Half-ogre.”

“Thank you,” Greta rumbled from the hallway as she stepped inside carrying a crate under one arm.

Everyone jumped slightly.

Greta frowned.

“You people need better instincts.”

“You literally appeared like a sleep paralysis demon,” Crystal snapped.

Greta looked pleased by that.

“Good.”

She dropped the crate onto the table with a heavy *thunk*.

Metal clanked inside.

Joey eyed it nervously.

“…What’s in the box?”

“Weapons,” Greta answered casually.

Taylor leaned away from it immediately.

“Why are there always more weapons?”

“Because your boyfriend has enemies.”

Joey blinked.

Taylor nearly inhaled toast wrong.

Cassandra smirked faintly into her coffee.

Crystal pointed dramatically.

“Oh my God, Greta gets it.”

“I have eyes,” Greta replied.

Taylor’s face turned bright red.

Joey rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“We’re still sort of figuring things out.”

Greta snorted.

“You fought lizard assassins together. Supernatural standards say you’re practically nesting.”

Taylor hid her face behind her mug.

Cassandra looked entirely too amused.

Joey decided changing the subject was safer.

“So… this property we’re moving into,” he said carefully. “How bad is it?”

Greta grinned.

“Oh, you’re gonna love it.”

“That answer scared me emotionally.”

Greta leaned against the counter.

“It used to belong to a paranoid occultist who thought government psychics were reading his dreams.”

Crystal blinked.

“…Were they?”

“Probably,” Greta admitted. “Not the point.”

Joey sighed deeply.

“Of course.”

Greta continued proudly.

“The place already has reinforced walls, underground rooms, emergency escape routes, anti-scrying wards, silver-lined windows, and enough supernatural defenses to survive a small war.”

Taylor looked relieved for the first time all morning.

“That actually sounds safe.”

“It is,” Cassandra agreed. “Greta’s properties are expensive because they work.”

Joey glanced toward Cassandra.

“…And you’re sure about paying for all this?”

Cassandra gave him a look.

“Joey.”

“No seriously,” he insisted. “This is a lot.”

For a moment, Cassandra’s expression softened.

“I have lived for over six centuries,” she said quietly. “I accumulated wealth simply by surviving long enough and investing carefully. I am not endlessly wealthy, but I have more than enough to protect the people I care about.”

That hit Joey directly in the chest.

Crystal noticed immediately.

“Aaaaand emotional eye contact,” she announced. “We’re doing that again.”

Cassandra ignored her completely.

Which somehow made it worse.

Joey cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Still feels weird quitting my job.”

Crystal groaned loudly from the couch.

“Joey, we got attacked by monster people at a carnival.”

“I know, but Burger Chief is short staffed.”

Everyone stared at him.

Greta looked genuinely horrified.

“You may actually be insane.”

Taylor started laughing softly into her coffee.

Cassandra pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I cannot believe this is the human I emotionally bonded with.”

“And yet,” Crystal said smugly, “you’re obsessed with him.”

“I did not say obsessed.”

“You stare at him like he hung the moon.”

Cassandra took a very long sip of coffee.

Taylor looked down into her lap trying to hide her smile.

Joey decided once again to change the subject before Cassandra murdered everyone.

“So what exactly am I doing at Greta’s shop?”

Greta immediately brightened.

“Right. That.”

That was somehow ominous.

Greta walked over to the crate and flipped it open.

Inside sat an assortment of deeply concerning objects:

* knives covered in symbols,

* old books,

* silver jewelry,

* several glass bottles containing glowing liquid,

* and what appeared to be a human skull wearing sunglasses.

Joey pointed slowly.

“…No.”

Greta grabbed the skull.

“This is Gary.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Gary screams when cursed objects are nearby.”

The skull suddenly spoke.

“THE MAN WITH THE VAMPIRE SMELL DISRESPECTS ME.”

Joey nearly fell backward.

Crystal screamed.

Taylor burst into startled laughter.

Cassandra looked completely unsurprised.

Greta nodded proudly.

“See? Excellent security.”

“I hate this store already,” Joey whispered.

Greta ignored him.

“A lot of supernatural artifacts come through my shop,” she explained. “Some are harmless. Some are valuable. Some are catastrophically dangerous.”

“Comforting.”

“We don’t always know which is which,” Greta continued. “So your job is to help identify, organize, test, and document things.”

Joey blinked.

“…You want me touching cursed objects?”

“You’re unusually resistant to supernatural influence now,” Cassandra explained. “The bond changed you.”

Taylor nodded slowly.

“And you survived direct exposure to several enchanted weapons already.”

Crystal pointed at him.

“He’s basically paranormal OSHA now.”

“I don’t think that’s a real job.”

“It is now,” Greta declared.

Gary the skull chimed in:

“THE REDHEAD HAS GOOD SURVIVAL INSTINCTS.”

“Thank you, Gary.”

Joey stared at the ceiling.

“This is my life.”

Cassandra stepped beside him then, cool fingers brushing lightly against his wrist.

Through the bond he felt it immediately:

warmth,

support,

certainty.

“You are adapting remarkably well,” she said softly.

Joey looked at her for a moment before laughing quietly.

“I think my standards for normal died three weeks ago.”

“Good,” Greta said. “Makes this easier.”

Then she tossed Joey a ring of keys.

He caught them automatically.

“These are yours now.”

Joey looked down at the keys.

“…To the safehouse?”

Greta nodded.

“Welcome to supernatural witness protection.”

Crystal immediately sat upright.

“WAIT. Does the place have multiple bathrooms?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

Taylor smiled faintly.

Cassandra moved beside Joey fully now, one arm sliding around his waist naturally.

Comfortably.

Like she belonged there.

And honestly?

At this point—

she probably did.

Joey looked around the apartment one last time.

The tiny kitchen.

The worn couch.

The cheap carpet.

The place where his entire impossible new life had started.

Then he looked back at the people around him.

The vampire.

The bird goddess.

The sarcastic redhead.

The terrifying ogre.

The screaming skull.

Absolutely none of this should have made sense.

And yet somehow—

for the first time in a very long time—

Joey finally felt like he belonged somewhere.