Chapter 26: Let The Past Die

The past.

14 DELTA

"I lost my grandfather," She stood in the living room. Alone. In the dark. While the rest of the family slept. "God, why me? I prayed you!" She hissed, "That if you saved my grandfather I would follow you forever. But you didn't, why? I thought you were loving? You obviously don't love me."

"He doesn't love us." A thought in her head seemed to come to the front of her mind.

"If he doesn't love us then he hates us right?" Delta talked to herself.

"He hates us. God hates us."

"Then we must hate him?"

"Yes." A thought said.

"Yes." Another thought

"Yes." A third.

In her head, she did it. A conversation with herself at night alone for three years. Making. . .Three dark figures forming coming into being and alive in the dark or in her head actually. "You three are Trinity Demon."

"We are Trinity Demon," the three girls answered back. All looking a bit like her just a little different.

"You are going to help me figure out how to kill the Christian God."

"We are going to help you figure out how to kill the Christian God." They replied in unison.

PRESENT-DAY DELTA

"Insanity, mental illness, and madness. . .2015, 2016, and to 2017. This thinking of hate ate away at my goodness it ate away my soul. For three years thinking about murdering our parents. Murder is wrong. This is different for others but I thought about what if I told myself and tried to convince myself I liked girls over boys. Just so I could rebel another way because I wanted the Christian God to strike me down. Because the Bible doesn't support LGBTQ+ people. Maybe my hate was justified?" Nyx said as she looked into the bathroom mirror talking with herself. She shrugged her shoulders.

"I was depressed and sad. Watched and pornographic content as a way to comfort me and make their god hate me more. I was messed up. I was really sick in the head. Why should I follow a God who is still willing to throw people into hell for them trying to be good? And what if the person is trying to be good but doesn't know anything about the Christian God, what then?" She had to text some of her Christian friends with this hard question. She hopped onto her phone and sent the question to Friday and to Elias. Friday hopped on Discord her green icon to show she was online Friday's began to type she could see the three-dot icon flashing and the Discord app telling her Friday was typing a response.

"But we or you don't even want to be converted?"

"Dawn. . ." Nyx turned to face her. They stood in a hallway. Dark hallway with one light above them. "I made a promise and I intend to keep it."

"Just like how you intended the keep your word to follow their god forever?"

"Their god betrayed us. . .I know. . .Ugh, I betrayed them! Yes, I did, just after hearing stories from the other side. And being reminded of my past how I was a bully using Bible verses against people on Google+. But there the issue my depress-. . .depressing thoughts came back and then there was also me rewatching and rereading pornographic content."

The next day:

She saw their texts from her Christian friends. She couldn't believe it. Also, another part couldn't believe it and couldn't understand herself. In her mind, she talked with herself, "Why do we still hold on?" The other part of her asked.

"Cin?" Nyx asked.

"Nyx Voss, is it?" Cin replied, standing up. "A new name was chosen so you could help forget Delta's mistakes. The pain that happened years ago, when it came we had no help, none from family, none from our Christian friends in 2014, and none from the Christian God. We proved to us and to all of them that their truth and god are just lies! We don't need their help! We're not weak! But Christianity is."

"Cin, we thought horrible things though! The entire world was murdered in my head! Murder with my heart! What if scenarios I think about that if things perfectly worked out then everyone and everything is gone!"

"Yeah, we thought about it," Cin stated.

"Do I have any emotion or humanity left? Do we even care anymore?"

"If we are having these thoughts we still do. But Christianity messed us up mentally. Filled our heads with lies. Made us bully people online during the days of Google+. It made us into a monster. So we need to let the weak girl die. We can still care for others as non-believer. We can still be good as a non-believer."

Nyx was breaking down. "You're. . .I don't know I want to say you're wrong. Yes, maybe they can be good. Maybe we can but. . .on our own? What law? Do I just. . .What moral law is there just common sense? What? I don't get it? It might be possible I want to say it is." Crying. Nyx was crying.

"You choose a new name. Forgetting and throwing away the name Delta. But you still hold on to certain. . .ideals and beliefs from Christianity. You need to let Delta die. So the other one. . .can be fully reborn the pain that happened in the past can either continue to hold you back or forge you into something amazing and powerful. You need to let Delta die so the pain the Delta is carrying will no longer limit and hold the new you down. You can become powerful. We want power and we were meant to be powerful. Nyx is the future Delta is the past."

"But will I. . .Will we still have regret?" Nyx asked

"No, we will not. Let go of Delta."

"Don't say that name! I am not Delta. I am. . .Not Nyx with y but N7x with 7. I know who I am you are right Delta. . .Must die. I won't go back to their religion. I won't even consider it. No more Taylor drama shit. I'm done reaching out to that so-called Christian who keeps unfriending me on Facebook. Delta blocked and unblocked them and they unfollowed us. I. . .I'll block them. No more chances. I gave them so many. It's over with that so-called friendship. I will never return to Christianity because of my promise. I. . .This is me! N7x Voss.