Chapter 23 Self Recrimination

Kris Pov:

I can't believe how bad I messed up.

'What the hell was I thinking.'

"What the hell where you thinking!?"

My thoughts echo the words Seb told me as he took my collar from me.

For as bad as I messed up, it wasn't that bad of a punishment, in theory. In reality it felt like a part of me was tore away.

It wasn't what started my tears but it sure was why they hadn't stopped.

Being left to Sarah to deal with both the night before and now hurt less.

Even as she lead me to the trunk to get ready for 'transport'.

It's what I deserved.

His last order to Sarah was to treat me like I would treat her.

The only thing that distracted me from my grief at finally crossing a line that drove Seb away wasn't the toys or bondage, I'd dealt with those before. Nor was it the gag jammed down my throat.

It was the Isolation, the lack of sight and sound.

All I could sense was the strong smell of sex, tortured feel of the toys, and the taste of the cock gag, rubbed in my own cum before being jammed in.

The taste was less concentrated then even my almost clear loads since being on HRT.

Such weak taste due running on empty, Sarah having decided that Seb's last order before leaving last night mixed with my own constant horny state meant 'fuck and tease when ever Kris is conscious'.

With no safe word and her not listening to my orders the few times I was able to get a word in between face fucks, I was at her mercy.

She had none.

Can't believe I was dumb enough to program her that Seb superseded me before even finding out if this would work.

When Seb walked in I looked to him for salvation, but instead I was striped of the last thing that gave me hope this could be fixed.

I couldn't get a word in, between his clearly rehearsed rebuke and him not stopping Sarah, I had no chance to even apologize before he told us Liz was on the way and locked himself in the bathroom to 'shower'.

Sarah started to clean us up after getting another painful orgasm from me.

Last night after cumming near constantly after being denied so long I didn't know if it was heaven or hell.

I now knew it was hell, cumming had become more and more painful, now my whole body was twitching and cramping. I've never had aftershocks from sex hurt this bad.

Even while she cleaned up, I was still bound and nothing I said could change her actions. Between what Seb must have talked to her about last night, while I was 'shut out', and his last few orders, she clearly didn't see me as someone that could order or control her.

Or hell, it seemed like she didn't even think I was someone that should be given basic respect.

Once locked in the trunk silence and isolation kept taking me to dark places in my soul.

Places Liz and Seb had tried to keep me from.

Everything was so painful; emotionally and physically I was destroyed.

And worst of all I couldn't find it in me to feel like anything of value was lost.

I deserved to be used and controlled.

'Every time I try to make decisions or control anything I just make things worse.'

That thought rolling over and crushing everything else in my mind.

The Id, The Ego, The Superego.

Everything that made this vessel a person shattered.

Liz Pov:

"Sarah, is there a way to get Kris to be ready to travel like a normal person, in a reasonable amount of time?" I ask in false hope, I can see how poorly that would go.

Before I get an answer I check on Kris and thank God she's asleep. "No Mistress, besides it isn't to be treated like a person, it is to treat like a toy, and toys get put up when you are done with them."

That response streams me to boiling. "Sarah! I know what she did wasn't right but you will not refer to Kris as an It! Do you hear me?!"

"But Master Se-"

"Master Sebastian has given up all rights to either of you! And I will be talking to him about this!" I yell the last part hoping he hears me. I know he's angry but fucking hell this is not how you fix this clusterfuck. This was his project how the hell am I stuck cleaning it up. 'Men. always leaving messes for us girls to clean up.' "Now did you hear me or not?!"

"Yes, ma'am." It seems I scared the poor girl, not what I meant to do, its not her fault.

I wrap her in a hug and run my hands through her hair, 'I'll work on fixing her too but first we need to get out of here.' "Good girl, I know its not your fault, Now help me carry this thing, I don't want to leave her in this for longer than necessary but we need to go before I do something I'll regret to seb. And call me Liz, Mistress is only for playtime."

'This is going to be the most awkward walk of shame I've ever done and its just to my car...'

Sarah POV:

Toy, Sarah, me... I was struggling, in two weeks I had gone from timid self ashamed nerd with issues to a hot femboy, then to a female sex toy without need for Identity or thought, then in the last 24 hrs that calm joy was tore away.

Master Sebastian thought he was helping, he wasn't.

I was still more a servant or slave, no that's not right. Closer to a drone.

No longer in that pleasant fog as I carried out tasks and cared for my owners needs.

Now I aware of every second but the compulsion to obey was still so strong.

My Identity was back and I knew my name again, but what useless things.

I was happy for the first time is years and this false owner ruined it all after giving me this false hope.

Its why i used what little control I now had to twist my orders to get revenge on this useless fuck puppet that filled my mind with hope and joy only to dash it on the rocks twice over.

I wish I had never met it and was able to live in my ignorance. I may never have know love that way but I would have never so swiftly lost my hope of love.

This useless cumrag I was fucking, used me for it's pleasure, then broke my heart, then gave me hope and training, using me to fix their problem, but was too incompetent to pull it off.

I was going to make it regret ever doing this to me.

When Master told me to get ready to go, I know exactly how I would manage it, the joy I felt in the trunk while I was still happy and blank would make a perfect hell for 'Kris'.

It would soon be just as broken as I was, maybe then I would forgive it, we could be toys together, I just hope I can ride myself of the burden of thought by then.

Mistress Elizabeth however seemed to have a soft stop for this fuck doll. It would be hard to twist her orders but I would still try, I wanted my revenge or I wanted to be blank again.

Her hugs and head pets were nice, I could learn to enjoy this.

I guess fuckdoll gets her name back. But only because Liz wanted it.

I help Liz unpack Kris from my trunk and start moving the rest of the stuff in from the car with Liz. There wasn't a lot, being a dorm and all.

I try to hide my longing looks at the hell Kris had just been pulled out of.

Hell for here, heaven for me.

I'm sure Liz would have noticed if she wasn't so worried about getting that brat Kris sorted.

She was so worried just because Kris had only moved to sit in a default 'ready to serve' kneeling position but had not moved or responded to anything.

I wonder how long it would take her to realize she needed to order Kris if she wanted anything. I certainly wouldn't be telling her unless told to.

Assuming a 'ready to serve' standing position I reported, "All assigned tasks completed, how may I be of service?"

Liz seems at a loss, perfect.

'Please fail to pull Kris from this Liz, I hope they break further.'

I knew that's not what a good person would think, but I didn't even want to be a person right now. So Kris would just have to eat her just desserts.