Chapter 2-39

”You’re sure you don’t want Myta present for this?” I asked Sati. ”I know that the two of you are close, closer that you and I are. Her support might help you face whatever it is that eats at you.”

“I’m sure.” Sati stared off into the distance, a haunted look in her eyes. “I don’t want her to see me like that.”

My bonds with both my vas were still damaged, but I could feel her pain. It was an abyss of loneliness and uncertainty that I still couldn’t connect to the arrogance which poisoned her spirit. I paused, staring at her blank expression as though I could divine her thoughts from it. Well, normally I could divine at least some of her thoughts, and apparently I’d come to rely on that.

We were in my inner world, what was left of it. The ground was scorched and dry, bare of grass, the pool of my mana a muddy mess surrounded by churned earth. Cracks spread across the earth and sky, fine lines that crawled over every surface, and made me twitch to look at as though ants were crawling across my skin. I’d managed to smooth out a little of the damage, but it was slow going. And the cracks seemed to creep back if I looked away for even a moment.

But that wasn’t my task right now. I held out my hand to Sati, and she took it with a strained smile. The stream leading from my pool of mana to her inner world was still intact, and I began to lead us along it.

“Why is there just one stream?” She sounded tense, and I could feel the apsara’s desire to distract herself.

“What do you mean?” I was willing to play along, but unsure where she was going with her question.

“Well, the mana flows between us, right? Shouldn’t there be two streams, one to me, and another back to you?”

“I’m not sure,” I thought about it for a moment. “The actual bond is also a single link, but you’re right. Two channels would be faster, more efficient.”

Cautiously I focused on the stream, imagining it as two parallel rivers, passing one another just as she’d described. It was easy, remarkably easy to make the change I felt an ache in my chest, but one that was oddly pleasant, like an intense stretch. My spirit reacting to what was a very minor shift in my mana. I’d need to take stock later, but wandering through the Radiant Sea I could watch our bond strengthen and smooth out. The twinned streams representing it calmed and deepened moment by moment.

Sati’s emotions came to me more clearly, her momentary wonder pushing back her nervousness. I wanted to squeeze her hand supportively, but at the same time didn’t want to draw her mind back to her worry. Her mouth curled up in a small, sad smile as she glanced at me from the corner of her eye.

“I’m not made of glass,” she noted to me. “I’m not looking forward to revisiting old pain, but there’s nothing to surprise me. I’ve come to terms with my past.”

“If that were true,” I disagreed gently, “then you wouldn’t be soulsick. Something is still poisoning you, or I don’t think the Pure could have done what they did to you, and we wouldn’t be in this situation together.”

“My situation has been worse.” Her amused tone didn’t match her feelings of bitterness, which cut at my heart. She hadn’t contradicted me though, and this time I did squeeze her hand in support.

I kept my silence for the remainder of the ‘walk’ to her inner world. The thorny hedge that guarded her soul now had a stone arch, which allowed for the passage of our bond. I was curious if she had developed it to enhance our communication, or if she wanted to be able to shut me out more easily later. It didn’t matter, really, and in a way it was none of my business. If she gained the ability to shut me out, then the bond would already have been severed, and she would no longer be my responsibility.

The garden courtyard of Sati’s sanctum was as I remembered it. It was a beautiful, peaceful area, with benches for resting and an elegant fountain in the center. The streams representing our link connected to a pool around the base of the fountain, and I noticed that the flowering vines were far thinner on the ground. There was no figment of Ramana this time, but I did see a soaking pool that hadn’t been present before, its surface steaming from the heat.

“The path to your memories?” I gestured to the pool, and Sati nodded.

“If this is necessary, then best to get through it quickly.” Her voice was brusque, but she held onto my hand to tug me closer to the steaming water. I drew her up short though.

“Have you ever dealt with another soul sorcerer? One other that you father I mean?”

“No.” She bit off the word, and I could feel her deliberately let go of a reflexive anger. “My sisters and I would spar sometimes, testing one another’s defenses. But we always stopped as soon as a breach occurred.”

“Sati,” I tried to keep my voice calm and soothing. “I am not you enemy, or even your rival. I’m not trying to test you, and I don’t want to bring you pain for no reason. In this matter, I am your healer, and I only want to help you.”

She nodded, mutely, but I felt some of her tension ease.

“You know what memory we need to look at already, don’t you?” Again she nodded. “Do you want to go straight to it, or would you rather ease into it?”

“No reason to delay,” she shook her head. For a moment I thought she would say more, but then she just shook her head a second time. When she tugged on my hand again, I let her pull me into the pool.

Sati’s memories were organized oddly, at least compared to the memories I was used to seeing. I suspected it was due to some mental technique, something taught by her father, no doubt. In her inner world her vault of memories appeared as deep well, sinking far beneath the pool we’d stepped into. I suspected that the deeper memories were older, it would be the most intuitive way to sort them, and was similar to how most minds naturally sorted memories.

I already knew that the apsara was roughly fifty years old, about half my own age at my best guess. In that time a person’s memories degraded, become hazier and altering over time. Sati, however, had preserved much of the details of her memories, especially the ones she drew me toward.

I didn’t go digging, not yet, but I couldn’t help but catch glimpses through the arched doorways of her past as we drifted deeper and deeper. Most of the scenes that stood out were about what I had expected. The emotional highlights of a pampered princess raised in a competitive environment. Pride and pleasure in succeeding at some plot or another, rage and helplessness at being defeated the same way. But as we neared the lower portion of the well I began to see something far different. Memories that were once happy, but now covered over with a patina of bitterness and loss. Like mud smeared over an exquisite painting.

For the first time I actively tried to steal a look, but Sati seemed to be actively avoiding these memories, even as we headed toward the center of them. I did catch glimpses of a woman, tall and willowy, with skin a shade lighter than the apsara’s. I saw her, not just as a young adult woman, but also as a child, and she seemed to be the focal point of both Sati’s past joy and current bitterness.

I held my tongue, knowing that questions would only slow my receiving answers. And indeed it was only a subjective minute later that we came to the edge of another memory. It rippled in front of us like a liquid window within a carved stone archway, and flowering vines crawled out from its edges, trying to **** and obscure the image within. I could just make out three solid figures within. One I immediately identified as King Ramana, his presence was unmistakable despite the fact that I’d only encountered him twice. The second figure was Sati herself, of course, and the third was the mysterious woman I’d noted.

“This is it.” Sati’s voice broke my heart. It was sad, but more than that, it was resigned. Devoid of any hint of nostalgia or warmth. “This is my greatest moment of weakness, though I don’t know what you hope to show me that my father already didn’t.”

Her hand rested on the edge of the shimmering portal, and the vines there began twining around her fingers, sliding around her wrist like serpents. She didn’t react, and I wasn’t sure if she was even aware of them, but her expression became stony and harsh.

“Then let’s go,” I tugged at her arm, pulling it from the verdant shackle. “As you said, there’s no reason to delay.”

With a fortifying breath, I led her into the memory.

***

Sati stared up at her father as he stared down at her, her handmaiden Rina kneeling behind her. His face was cold and implacable, and his wrath waz far out of proportion to what she’d expected. She mentally scrambled for a reason why he might be so enraged, but found nothing.

“You and your handmaiden were together, within the forbidden vault.” Her father’s eyes blazed with colors that churned violently, betraying the true extent of his anger.

“I’m sorry, daddy. I didn’t think there would be any harm in…”

“Enough.” Her voice broke as he cut her off. “I know that Turi convinced you that the vault would be a good place for your dalliance. But this isn’t about your personal indiscretions. This is about her.”

Ramana pointed at Rina, and Sati’s mind whirled in confusion again.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand father. Rina was just doing what I told her. Any fault was mine.”

“Yes,” Ramana’s lips twisted in distaste. “Mortals are easily led, and that is precisely my point. Your affection for the girl led you to exposing my secrets to her. If it had just been you, I would have treated this as another sibling spat. Turi is a hunted years older and more cunning than you, so you would have lost only a little face. But this kind of mistake with a mortal? You need an object lesson in why you can never trust in one of them.”

The god beckoned with one hand, and Sat whipped her head around as she heard Rina climb to her feet. In horror she watched as her handmaiden, her friend, stumble forward. She scrambled to her own feet, flinging herself at the other woman, halting her progress, but she knew it was already too late.

“To approach the throne without explicit permission is a **** sentence.” Ramana’s voice was mild, but his eyes still swirled angrily. “Your handmaiden knows this, yet she could not resist even the smallest measure of my influence. She is weak, as all mortals are. Sati my little flower, don’t you see? I will cut her life short now, so that she doesn’t weaken you as well.”