Chapter 143

Another wave of dizziness hit me.

I caught myself against the concrete, my palm scraping rough stone, and slid down until I was sitting on the cold pavement.

“What do you mean I’m fragmenting?”

Vel met my eyes. There was no distance in her gaze this time. No calculation. Just concern. Real and unguarded concern.

“You’ve forgotten who you are,” she said. “You’re acting against your nature. And it’s going to destroy you.”

“I know who I am,” I snapped. “I’m the god of belief in the absence of proof.”

“That,” she said, her voice sharpening, “is why you’re unraveling. That’s not who you are. That’s what you are. Those are not the same thing.”

I wiped at my face, smearing blood and tears together. “So what? I’m having an existential crisis and it’s going to kill me?”

“If you don’t resolve it,” she said quietly, “yes.”

The word settled heavy in my chest.

“Then who am I?” I asked. And this time… I wasn’t sure I had an answer.

“I can tell you,” she said, “but it won’t help. You have to understand it. Be it. All of it - the good and the bad. When you know yourself, when you accept it, you’ll stabilize.”

“Gods are Faith made manifest,” she said. “They change slowly, if at all. But that’s never been you. You are first and foremost a mortal man.” She knelt in front of me and took my hand, her fingers closing gently around blood and broken skin. “But that’s still what. Not who.”

She squeezed my hand. “You’re a leader.”

A shadow fell across us, swallowing the streetlights. “A protector,” Nim said, his voice deep and steady.

“A provider,” Moss added, quiet but certain.

“A weirdo,” Clo chimed in with a crooked grin.

“A father,” Serah said, her voice calm and unwavering.

“A mess,” Thae added, without hesitation.

“A rock,” Ashlara said, the word carrying weight.

“A guide,” Tansy whispered, her voice small but sincere.

“My hero,” Mirri finished.

They stood around me, forming a semicircle without meaning to. Their eyes held me - concern, certainty, and something stronger than both. Something I didn’t think I deserved.

“That’s… a lot,” I said, my voice fragile. “A lot to live up to.”

Vel shook her head. “You already have,” she said. “You just have to do it again.”

* * *

Eventually - after more than an hour - they finally called me back through the doors where the lazy doctors had been standing around talking instead of helping people.

More people had come in while I waited. The ones who were really hurt were taken quickly, which was good, I guess. But it didn’t explain why so many others were left sitting there when there were perfectly capable doctors doing nothing.

But something else bothered me more - my mana wasn’t coming back. Normally, it would seep in from the world around me, filling me back up without effort. But here… nothing. Just empty.

That was bad. Maybe that’s why no one here could use magic. No mana.

I didn’t understand how that was possible. Mana was life. Without it, things should wither and die. But everything here kept moving - loud and bright and huge.

They led me into a room about the size of my bedroom. The walls were an ugly yellow that matched the floor too closely, like someone had decided color didn’t matter. A single picture of trees hung on one wall. There was a strange metal bed, a chair that looked like it had been designed to be uncomfortable, a gray cabinet, and a bright red bin made of some unfamiliar material.

Machines were everywhere. Some had tubes. Others had pictures filled with lines, numbers, and symbols. Some stood on wheels. Others clung to the walls.

I assumed these were the things that made people better.

Officer Jenkins told me to sit in the chair while he spoke with the nurses. He left the door open as he talked to a dark-skinned woman dressed in plain pink clothes, her hair pulled back so tightly it looked painful.

Humans here were… strange. Different skin, different eyes, different hair, different clothes. So much variety in just one race. They didn’t even need others to be different from each other. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around it.

Eventually, the woman came in. “Lilae, right?” she asked.

I nodded.

“I’m Sara. I’m just going to take a look at you and make sure you’re okay. Is that alright?”

“Sure.”

“Have a seat in the chair.”

I sat. “Serah is one of my mothers’ names.”

“Her name is Sara?”

“One of them,” I said with a smile.

“She has more than one name? Or you have more than one mother?”

“Both,” I said. “Her full name is Kindlesun Serathiel. But there’s also Mirri, Ashie, and Elise. They all take care of us with thr-” I caught myself. “With my father.”

Out in the hall, Officer Jenkins hovered, pretending not to watch and doing a terrible job of it.

“How did you rip your dress?” Sara asked.

“Going through the Weeping Gallows,” I said. “There were vines with thorns. They scratched me up, but I healed it.”

“Is the blood yours?”

“Yeah. It didn’t wash out. I tried.”

She took my hand and pressed along the bones, gentle but firm. Then she moved up my arm, checking for bruises and breaks. “Tell me if anything hurts.” After a pause, she asked, “So what’s a Weeping Gallows?”

“It’s a tree born from Zelmyra’s Faith,” I explained. “When she died, her Faith went wild. People stopped trusting each other. The trees whisper and try to lure you in so they can kill you. Or… maybe not kill you. Naevira got eaten by one and came back as gallowborn. I don’t really know how it works.”

“Let’s take a look at your legs. Can you take your boots off?” She stepped back and closed the door. “Those are pretty boots. Who is Naevira?”

“She looks like an elf, but she’s not. At least, not any more. They’re worried she might hurt someone because the Gallows make her act weird.”

“What’s gallowborn?” she asked, kneeling.

“It’s what happens when the tree kills you. Kind of. She’s more like a plant. She’s made of vines and sticks, but she seems nice.”

“Do you feel safe at home?”

I frowned. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You said people thought Naevira might hurt someone,” she said gently. “Sometimes someone at home hurts them or makes them afraid. Has anyone hurt you?”

Her voice was calm, but I could hear the concern underneath.

“No. Officer Jenkins asked me that too. Do parents normally hit their children here?”

“No,” she said. “It’s not normal. And it’s never okay. But sometimes it happens. We just want to make sure you’re safe.”

I wasn’t sure I believed either part.

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked.

“This morning. I had a little food, but I gave the rest to a man sleeping on the walkway after I healed his feet.”

She paused. “What did you do to his feet?”

“He had sores, so I healed him.”

“Did you touch his feet?”

“I had to.” Didn’t they need to touch someone to heal them?

“Did he… ask you to do anything else?”

“No,” I said, frowning. “I saw he was hurt, so I helped him. Like the man with the cut on his hand. And Matthew. They were waiting out there for a long time, so I healed them.”

“Can you… show me this magic?”

“Sure. What do you want to see?” I smiled. Maybe now she’d actually listen.

“What can your magic do?”

“I’m good at healing, earth, and light. Oh, I can show you an image of Tansy.”

“Alright…”

“Hey, Officer Jenkins,” I called. “Come in here. I’ll show you what Tansy looks like.”

There was a hesitant knock before he cracked the door open.

“Come on,” I said. “I should have shown you what Tansy looks like before, but I didn’t think of it. You’ll know her when you see her.” I smirked. “Trust me.”

I gathered a little mana and shaped it carefully, weaving it into an illusion.

Tansy appeared in the room - full height, vivid, unmistakable. Tall. Lean. Muscled. Skin like a constant sunburn. A grin full of sharp teeth. Wild dark hair pinned back with her wooden butterfly clip. Four arms. Four eyes.

Sara screamed and stumbled back into the wall.

Officer Jenkins jerked backward into the door, pulling out an L-shaped black thing and pointed it at the illusion, his hands shaking.

I stood, bare feet against the cold floor.

“This is what Tansy looks like,” I said calmly. “She’s the goddess of **** without restraint. And my sister.” I looked at him. “So you need to tell your friends.”

He stared, breathing hard. “What is that?”

“It’s an illusion, duh,” I said, walking straight through it.

He slowly lowered the thing in his hands. I think thren called it a gun. That meant it was a weapon. Thren said they were really dangerous, but it didn’t look all that dangerous.

He reached out with his free hand - trembling - and touched it. His fingers passed through like smoke.

“So?” I asked. “Are you going to call your friends, or do you want me to draw a picture?”

* * *

“Give me a minute,” I said.

It came out softer than I meant it to - more plea than command. I needed time. Not to understand everything - there wasn’t time for that - but just enough to get my footing back under me.

They gave it to me. Quietly. No arguments. Just a few steps back, then they rounded the corner of the alley and left me alone.

I let out a slow breath.

They saw me as something larger than I felt. Bigger. Stronger. More certain. A leader. A protector. A rock.

Had I been those things before? Yeah.

But all at once? All the time? I didn’t know. And standing there, with everything unraveling, I wasn’t sure I could be.

Maybe I didn’t have to. Maybe it wasn’t about being all of it at once. Maybe it was one step at a time. One role. One decision at a time.

Start small. Restore their trust in me. Restore my trust in myself.

I pulled on my mana and shaped it into a thin stream of water. It splashed over my hands, then my face, washing away the blood and grime. The cold helped. Grounded me.

I straightened, legs unsteady but holding, and made my way back around the corner.

They were waiting. Watching.

I cleared my throat. “We need to find Lilae,” I said, voice steadier now. “But we have to be smart about it.”

I glanced toward the street beyond the alley, where distant noise bled into the quiet. “We’ve been lucky so far. Philly’s full of weirdos, and we just came out of a park. No one’s looked too close.” I shook my head. “That won’t last.”

I met each of their eyes in turn. “We need disguises. And we need to hide our weapons.”

My gaze settled on Thae. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t have a way to disguise you.” I nodded upward. “I need you above us. Follow from the rooftops. Can you do that?”

“Yes,” she said, her draconic features tightening with focus.

“Good.” I turned back to the others. “We stick to alleys and side streets. Keep attention low. We head east to Broad. There should be a pawn shop somewhere along the way.”

They nodded, one by one.

Thae moved first.

She launched herself upward, wings beating, gaining altitude as quickly as she could. Her claws caught stone at the end of the alley and she climbed, then pushed off the wall in a powerful leap. Her wings carried her up as she gained height in bursts - grabbing, springing, climbing, flying - each movement controlled and precise.

I watched her double back a few times, using the alley’s shadow for cover, then vanish over the rooftop.

Then I turned back to the others. “Let’s move.”

* * *

That was, apparently, the wrong thing to do.

Sara left almost immediately.

Officer Jenkins stayed, though he looked shaken now - like he wasn’t sure what he was dealing with anymore. After a few minutes, more of his friends arrived. They wore the same black clothes and strange hats, but they didn’t smile. They didn’t talk. They just stood there, watching me.

Two of them stayed inside the room. More gathered outside the door.

A different woman in pink came in next. She didn’t introduce herself.

She wrapped a band around my arm and tightened it until it was uncomfortably snug, then pumped it full of air until it squeezed hard enough to hurt. After a moment, it hissed and loosened again.

Then she clipped a small white box to my finger. It glowed red. A thin cord ran from it to one of the machines on a stand, and the moment it connected, the machine beeped and the numbers painted on it shifted.

“Keep that on,” she said.

I stared at it. Magic that wasn’t magic.

She wanted to stab me with a needle and steal my blood.

I told her if she tried I’d stab her back.

She tried to tell me that it was harmless, it would only hurt for a little bit, and it would help them make sure I was ok.

I reiterated my previous statement.

She left after that.

I noticed even more of the black-clad men gathering outside. Whatever this was, it was escalating.

Eventually, a man in a long white coat came in.

He had skin darker than an Iilvarion but lighter than Sara’s, neatly kept black hair, and a short, well-trimmed beard. He looked maybe thirty, but carried himself like he was used to being listened to.

“Hi,” he said, offering a practiced smile. “I’m Doctor Dave. You’re Lilae, right?”

I nodded.

“I hear you’re refusing bloodwork?”

“If you try to stab me,” I said, my voice steady, “I will stab you back.”

“Okay,” he said quickly, holding up his hands. “No bloodwork.” He gave a small, **** chuckle. “Can I do a quick physical exam? No stabbing.”

“Sure.” I shrugged.

He shined a light into my eyes, asked me to open my mouth and say “ahh,” then used a strange tool - like a leather cord split into two with a metal disk at the end. He put the ends in his ears and pressed the disk to my chest and back while telling me to breathe.

While he worked, he asked the same questions everyone else had.

Did I know where my parents were? Had anyone hurt me? Was I sick?

Apparently none of them talked to each other.

“Has your skin always been this color?” he asked.

That was new.

“Yeah,” I said. “Goblins have gray skin.”

“Goblins,” he repeated. “Is that what people call you?”

“It’s what I am.” I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice. Thren had said they didn’t have other races here. “I’m a goblin. My mother was a goblin. Vaer is a goblin.”

“And your mother passed?”

“No, she’s dead,” I said bluntly. “My parents were killed by bad men. Then trolls kidnapped me. Then vaer, thren, Ashie, and Serah rescued me.”

“And this Thren… he’s your father?”

“He and vaer adopted me. So yeah.”

“And he lives with four women?”

I nodded.

“And you have fourteen brothers and sisters?”

I nodded again. At least someone had been paying attention.

“Are they all… goblins?”

“Nope,” I said. “Torvek, Mak, and Briva are orcs. Elarion and Brinja are elves. Issa’s a naga. Tib’s a goblin like me. Morien is human. And Vel, Thae, Clo, Moss, Tansy, and Nim are bloodchildren.”

He paused, taking that in. Or pretending to. “What about the women your father lives with?”

I shrugged. “Vaer - Mirri - is a goblin like me. She’s the best. Smart, funny, caring. Ashie’s an orc - tall, green, and can beat the crap out of anyone. Serah’s a dragon, but she usually looks human. She’s beautiful, brilliant, and takes care of all of us. And Elise… I think she’s human. She’s a void-mage, so she’s not like normal humans. White hair, gray eyes. She has a huge library in the demesne.”

“What’s a demesne?”

“It’s a magical realm gods have. Like their own world. Thren’s has a castle. Elise’s library is inside it.”

“I see,” he said - clearly not seeing at all. “I’ll come back and check on you in a little bit, okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Sure.”