Chaotic Conga

'Right then, the formalities,' Verdant Green chirped, its chipmunk voice suddenly brisk and business-like. 'Stand up. We need to seal the deal with a little something I like to call the 'Chaotic Conga'. It's a classic.'

Emi rose from the couch, the towel wrapped loosely around her, a look of deep scepticism on her face. The cloud zipped around her, a frantic pink drill sergeant.

'Now, follow my steps. They're simple,' it instructed. 'And recite the following poem. With feeling, if you please. Ready? ‘ Verdant Green began in a sing song voice.

North to run and South to hide, East to laugh and West to glide.'

Emi took a hesitant step to the north, then shuffled to the south, a feeling of profound foolishness washing over her as she made the steps and repeated the words This was it? The grand ritual to embrace her new life as a Trickster Breeder Witch was a children's dance? The poem was ridiculous, a nonsensical nursery rhyme.

'Round the floor the quick one’s lead,’

She stopped. “Is this for real? It sounds like nonsense.”

“Nonsense? Nonsense?!!" Verdant Green was indignant “This is a highly significant, and dare I say sacred, poem of the first Trickster Breeders of the Palaeolithic Mal'ta Buret', crafted twenty-five thousand years ago, huddling against the Siberian elements and fumbling their way into humanity’s first real experiments in magic, now rendered here in modern language for accessibility. I am sooo sorry they did not possess the settled social structure required to produce professional poets able to formulate the metre and formal sophistication of fucking César Vallejo.”

"Ok ok.” She sighed and started again repeating the verses to completion. ‘Chasing, chased, keen to breed,' she mumbled, repeating his words whilst turning turning in a clumsy circle. 'Play the game and don't be led, Catch your chance that’s what we said. 'Win the round and take your due, Lose it, and you’ll be bred!' She finished the poem glancing at the pink cloud, her expression a mix of disbelief and exasperation. “So what do I need to do now?"

"Ok so now you need to take the Breeding Pass and hold it between your ass cheeks."

Emi stopped and glared at Verdant.

"Ok that bit I did make up" the Familiar confessed. “But good news…you’re done!”

Even as her Familiar said this, fresh wave of energy, even more potent than what she had felt in the Wet’N’Antics office surged through Emi's body. It was a raw, untamed power, a chaotic symphony of sensations that made her feel alive in a way she had never imagined.

The Breeding Pass, still clutched in her hand, began to glow again, its light not the calm blue of the Life Coven's magic, but a vibrant, pulsating pink, the colour of Verdant Green itself. The holographic display flickered, the familiar text dissolving into a chaotic swirl of colours before coalescing into a new, even more audacious announcement. The font was a jagged, almost mocking script, and the words themselves thrummed with a raw, unapologetic glee.

Congratulations! You have Reached Trickster Breeding Witch Level 5

ARCH-TRICKSTER

Prerequisites:

• Accept the path of the Trickster Breeder Witch.

• Complete the Rite of the Chaotic Conga with joy

Reward:

• You have gained the ability 'Sow the Seed of Doubt': You can plant a single, compelling suggestion of doubt or suspicion in the mind of a target, causing them to question a deeply held belief or trust in a specific person for up to one hour.

- You also gain the ability to learn Cantrips from your Familiar.

- Your familiar is now Level 2. He gains a slightly gravellier voice and the ability to teach Cantrips.

As the last of the pink light faded from the Breeding Pass, Emi noticed a change in Verdant Green. The cloud was no longer a soft, amorphous wisp. It had gained a subtle density, a more defined, almost tangible shape, its edges less like smoke and more like a solid, shimmering mist. And its chipmunk voice, when it next spoke, had gained a gravelly, more resonant quality.

She felt a sudden, jarring lurch, a sensation like the floor dropping out from under her. The room blurred, the colours running together like wet paint. For a terrifying second, she thought she was going to pass out, but then the world snapped back into focus.

Everything looked the same. Her couch, her coffee table, her half-empty beer can. But it wasn't the same. It was... more. The grain in the wood of the table was a complex, swirling landscape. The light from the lamp was a tangible, flowing river of golden energy. The air itself was thick with unseen currents, a symphony of forces she could now feel, a complex interplay of energies that had always been there, hidden just beyond the veil of her mundane senses.

'And there it is,…ahem….there it is!' Verdant Green projected, its new voice a strange mix, less helium and more gravel. 'Arch-Trickster. Not bad for a day's work. You're officially on the board, mistress. And now, the fun really begins.'