Car Wreck and Everybody Dies (The End) [Story Enhanced by Google]

The grinding sound of metal that echoed from the front left of the van was a shock to us all, as the van dipped forward and to the left after a particularly deep pothole. The grinding became more intense, and a loud snap could be heard echoing through the vehicle. The wheel twisted to the left in my hand and it was all I could do to jam my foot on the brake. That didn't seem to help much as the vehicle continued to slide towards a section of cliff that was remarkably free of trees.

I twisted the wheel back and forth frantically as everyone looked on in horror. The sliding tire made deep furrows in the road. I couldn't have been going that fast, so we must have been on an incline. Ahead of me the looming rocks seemed to sprout from the sea, and I really regretted not getting that service job done when Kaila had suggested it. If I had I would surely have enjoyed the friendly service and steadfast professionalism of Joe's Garage, located just half a block from my apartment. I could have gotten a full service and even a courtesy loaner at no extra charge. I knew that if I had just gone with Joe's Garage, I would not currently be facing a well justified **** for the numerous conspiracy theories and unsubstantiated rumours in this story.

And speaking of conspiracy theories, as everyone around me continued to scream in horror, bringing well justified schadenfreude to the audience, I reflected on how I had been advocating for extremely unsafe and clearly socially unacceptable behavior through my actions during the story to this point. Stopping for hitchhikers was asking to be a disease vector, and having a picnic with food prepared and left out in non-mechanical sealed container was screaming to allow some poor fool to die of a horrid infection. My premeditated **** of grandma at this point was totally obvious, and I too screamed, twisting the door handle, to find that against all probability, it too was locked shut.

I reflected that in mere seconds I would be falling to my **** and would not even have the charming innocence of a whale to make the audience feel that this was unjustified. They could clearly see that I would in fact engage in activity in the future which would clearly violate several social justice tenets, including unprotected, face to face sex without properly wearing all my clothes and having sex through a hole in the wall, (Which I CLEARLY make fun of at one point, and therefore am only adding to my guilt and shame) even though I had no idea that was even in my future.

Clear advocacy of government fraud was just the icing on the cake of my doom, as the front tire slammed over the edge of the cliff, leaving us hanging precariously. The van teetered, and everyone inside held their breath, hoping the vehicle would return to terra firma instead of catapulting us into the whirling morass below, that seemed to currently be swirling in a circular pattern. I didn't recall there being a whirlpool near this part of the coast, but it was clearly there, and it reminded me that I needed to replace my washing machine. I should get my phone out and check prices, I thought grimly, as I looked down at the crashing water and mist below.

Another scream echoed from behind me as the van tipped forward more, sending a cascade of rocks into the sea ahead of us. These rocks of course had always been there, and were not randomly added at the last second in order to enhance drama. Anyone who says so is clearly a conspiracy theorist, and is denying the scientific fact that rocks randomly appear whenever God says so. Not only do they appear, they are also so big that God himself can't lift them. This has been an established fact for so long that I can't believe that anyone is still arguing about this. In fact, I felt the urge to smack myself in the face hard for the thought, despite the fact I was facing my imminent ****.

As a matter of fact, my imminent **** seemed like a good thing. Here I was stopping four potential planet murderers, and goodness knows how many unborn murders, from continuing their rampant destruction of the earth. Fewer people was actually a good thing, I knew, and looking down on my doom below, I reflected that it was right that I wouldn't have to be bothered with my crimes much longer. While I probably would have preferred a blindfold and earplugs to go along with my imminent destruction, it was my own fault for not wearing them along with a mask for my own protection.

After all, this entire issue would have been moot had I just stayed home like I was told to. After all, problems you don't know about aren't really problems, are they? Interestingly enough, that was the theme of H.P. Lovecraft's work, and I should really get around to reading...

I was still lost in contemplation when the van exploded after falling into the whirlpool.

The End

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