But Someone Could See

The scariest part about being this close to him is that I wanted to be even closer. That I could barely help myself, needing it more than I could understand.

More than I could want.

"Blake," I said warningly, well aware that even though we were isolated enough here hidden behind these tents there was still so much risk we were taking here. And it felt different than the risk I'd taken with the hot jock Jake, maybe because with Blake I didn't want to be caught though why that was, exactly, I couldn't say for certain.

"Blake," I repeated myself, "Someone could see."

"You didn't care about that when you abandoned me last night," he smiled, half-teasing and maybe a little serious, "You left me out to dry, Em. So mean."

I apologized, if that was what was necessary, "I'm sorry. I was scared, truthfully. Scared of everything."

"Of me?" he asked, and I nodded and he laughed, a slow chuckle that felt a little like a threat, "Oh you don't need to be scared of me, Em. You can trust me."

But could I?

The Blake I knew was not a man to be trusted. He had hurt me too many times to count and I couldn't forget that, nor could I get over it. Just being this close to him felt a little like a threat, because my heart and my mind and my body were seeing all the different eventualities and possibilites and none of them knew for certain what was true and real.

I could feel my heart racing. Could feel my fingers twitching and tingling. My body leaned away from the path that he'd pulled me from, deeper into the wavy coverage of the tents and the privacy they would offer.

But I knew that running out into the crowd might be the better option here. Running from Blake and the feelings he was stirring in me might be the wisest choice I could make because the man would want to damn me, the man wanted me in ways I knew I wanted to submit but hated that I wanted at the same time.

"We shouldn't do this," I protested, but he shook his head.

"Why not?" he asked me, "You seem so hesitant with me but then I get my hands on you and you melt for me. You have a good time with me, Emily. So why do you want to deny it?"

Because of who you are. Because of what you did to me. Because of what you represent and the future I could so easily see myself falling into.

Falling into you. Falling into love with a man I ought to hate.

White picket fence and a happily ever after that isn't really happy because it means submitting to him and maybe it's a submission so different from the one he sought from me when I was a man but it's a submission all the same. It's giving him dominion over me.

To have and to hold and to obey.

"God I wish this was easier," I mewled as he steps closer.

"It can be," he reassured me, "It can be so easy for you baby. And it can be so good. For you and for me."

Blake reaches up and brushes a strand of hair out of my face and the back of his fingers curl down and slide down my cheek and I shiver, involuntarily bending into him and nuzzling his touch while my eyes flicker shut before they fly open again.

"I made you feel good last night, didn't I?" he asked me.

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and batting my big eyes at him.

"But you didn't make me feel good. Now I don't want to say that you owe me..."

His voice trails away, the implication clear. I can see where he's going and I can't say that I don't want it but I just wish... just wish...

"Let me take control," he said, "Trust me, Em. I won't let you down."

The latter I can't believe but the former I can agree to so readily, letting my bully take my hand as he leads me astray.

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