Brought to you by…

The preceding three chapters are brought to you by my pet dog, Rigby. Rigby is a rescued 9 year old Australian Cattle Dog of the Red Heeler variety and while only forty pounds has managed to find a way to sit on me so that I can’t get up. I’ve been stuck under him for the last three days as he alternately demands back scratching and barks at everything that moves outside. I think he only eats when I sleep and I suspect that my wife is keeping his dish full. HOPEFULLY, he’ll let me up sometime today as he has a groomers appointment, and if you know anything about his breed, you’ll be familiar with the fact that they blow their coats about twice a year. I have found this to be true of him as well. Each coat blowing lasts about six months, and I have to vacuum about three quarters of a dog per day. A trip to the groomer gives me a two day or so reprieve.

The preceding three chapters are also brought to you by the United States Supreme Court, who in a landmark decision last month effectively opened the door to all the dystopian sci-fi futures we all dread. First they take away protection of women’s reproductive rights. Some states are even forbidding interstate travel for women of childbearing age without a pregnancy test. Stripping that freedom away is a slippery slope. I may write violent domination porn, but guys and girls, that’s just fantasy. I recognize a woman’s right to choose what she does with her body. Roe V. Wade got me laid a LOT during the ‘90s and early 2000s. See, there are even a few psychotic red states out there that are currently drafting legislation to make use of birth control conspiracy to commit ****.

So say goodbye to hooking up in bars. Say goodbye to Tinder. Say goodbye to casual sex.

But wait… there’s more!

The porn industry runs on birth control and contraceptives, and while the vast majority of porn still comes from California, Florida isn’t far behind. So don’t be surprised if within a couple years the only porn you can find on the internet is from Europe. And that’s just the tip of Amy Coney Barrett’s vagina… I mean the iceberg.

Striking down Roe V. Wade has further implications to us perverts. It opens the door to strengthening obscenity laws. Forget pornography, they’ll start targeting written erotica. All sexual freedoms are up on the block. The LGBTQ+ folks out there? Yep. And lemme tell you as a pansexual male, I’m kinda terrified.

Do you like blowjobs? How about eating pussy? Better check to see if those old outdated Sodomy laws that I guarantee your state still has on the books don’t forbid ‘em. And man, forget about butt sex.

And now I’m going to really start pissing people off, because now I’m going to point fingers. You know who’s at fault for this? Who’s to blame for all of this shit going down? If you voted Republican in the last 20 years you are. The GOP has continually targeted Roe, and made it the largest plank in their platform for decades now. You have no excuse for voting conservative, because you only had to look to know this was going to happen.

As for me, I’m going to keep writing until the fascist government’s jackbooted thugs kick down my door and haul me away to a hole in the ground where state appointed clergy attempt to pray my sins away in shifts, and when they realize they can’t, burn me at the stake.

This public service announcement was brought to you by a pissed off white guy in Minnesota.