Broke and , Exactly as Planned

Today was the first day in your recent memory that you hadn't done anything. Even when you were sick, you normally still listened to an audio version of one of your textbooks. But, since waking up, you'd spend all day rolling around in bed. The sheets were drenched from sweat, due to the oppressive summer heat.

But, why were you so uncharacteristically lazy today?

It was because you were down bad. When you last knelt down for your pill three days ago, you'd spent the last of your money on it. You'd even sold a few valuables just to make up enough money for that dose. Yesterday, you'd wanted to get another pill, but you simply had no way to pay Jake. And, on short notice, it's not like you had many ways to get more money. Part of you debated borrowing money. Or worse, stealing some from your mom's purse. But, those options were more repulsive then the other option. The one you'd always known you were going to have to take...

You shuddered and clutched your body. The thought was still hot, of course. Desperately so. But, over the past month, you'd come to realize that the pleasure you could get while you were high was far above your normal, timid masturbation. Last night when you touched yourself before sleep, you hadn't even been able to make yourself cum. Anything without being a Gud Gurl was just teasing, at this point.

You sighed and rolled around more in the sheets. You wanted it. You wanted it so fucking badly. Every sensation felt duller. Every mood felt darker. Every happiness seemed smaller. You just wanted to be high again. You couldn't help but weep soft tears into your pillow.

At this rate, there just wasn't much of a choice anymore. Jake, your dealer, now held the keys to your happiness. If you weren't so frustrated and out-of-it, you would have smiled. Little miss perfect had made herself a **** addict. And you wanted your fix.

It was still a mortifying thought. You'd grown more in touch with your own inner slut, ever since your first taste of pure joy. But, the part of you that was ashamed, the part of you that was afraid, the part of you that had internalized everything that your parents had taught you. All of them were cowering with fear. This was the path of total self-destruction. And the window to escape was almost closed.

You clumsily reached for your phone. You needed to text Jake...

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