Bri Has A Plan

“You’re all going to come to the Halloween Party on Saturday.”

Bri found herself back at the lunch table with the losers she had committed to helping. After a few days of research and contemplation, she had thought of a perfect plan to kill like, 4 birds with 1 stone. Although a more accurate metaphor would probably be ‘shooting 4 bullets at once with a shotgun’.

“Isn’t Halloween on Tuesday?” Shaun pointed out.

“Well yeah, but who the fuck wants to party on a Tuesday?” Bri countered.

“What do you mean ‘the’ Halloween party?” George asked.

“The party at Amelia’s house on Saturday.” Bri offered, only receiving blank looks in return. “Do you guys seriously not know about the party? I assumed everyone in school had at least heard about it.”

“People don’t usually tell us stuff.” George answered.

Bri turned to Harrison. “Well, you play on the Basketball team. You must have heard something.”

“‘Play’ is pretty generous.” Benji quipped.

Harrison flipped him off before responding to Bri. “I mean, I overheard stuff, but I haven’t been like, told directly, you know?”

“…How can you guys be so far removed from everyone else? It’s honestly kinda impressive.” Bri mock complimented, before shaking her head. “Alright, back on track. At the party, Stage One of Project Cupid comes into full effect.”

“Cool!” Danny exclaimed with enthusiasm. “What’s the plan?”

“I’m not gonna tell you.”

“What? Why not?” Danny returned with genuine shock and confusion.

“Because if I tell you, then you’ll all overthink it, and immediately ruin my plan.”

They all responded at once.

“That’s fucking spot on.” Benji recognised.

“…Yeah, fair enough.” Danny conceded.

“Nah, bullshit! Tell us!” Harrison fought back.

“I don’t think ever, so…” Shaun noted.

“I’ll overthink anyway. You underestimate my ability to overthink.” George explained.

“Alright, you guys have gotta start talking one at a time. I can’t take all of you at once.”

Benji went to say something, but Bri cut him off by raising a single finger.

“Don’t you fucking dare say anything!”

Benji closed his mouth slowly, reclining back slightly sadly.

“Look, all you guys have to do is show up and trust me. I have a good and well thought out plan for all of you.”

“Wow, way to toot your own horn.” Harrison sniped.

“Yeah, well, I’ve earned it. I’ve been putting in fucking work recently.” Bri fired back, before shifting tone as she remembered something. “Actually, Benji, you didn’t need a plan, right? I just sort of got that vibe from you.”

“No yeah, I’m totally good.” Benji affirmed, giving Bri a thumbs up.

“Wait, why is he allowed to be ‘good’ and I’m not?” George questioned.

“Because I believe him.” Bri responded with a smug grin. “So, party’s on Saturday, it starts at 8, I’ll send you the address, I’ll see you all there.”

“A.M or P.M?” Shaun asked. Everyone, at once, turned to him with an incredulous look. “It’s P.M, right?”

“Yeah, no shit it’s P.M, dude.” Benji mocked

“Just checking! I don’t want to show up at the wrong time.” Shaun defended. He had a tendency to do that: say something stupid as a result of not paying attention and then falling on that sword as hard as he possibly can so he can convince everyone he isn’t actually stupid. Not once has it worked for him.

“…Yeah, it’s 8 P.M.” Bri clarified. “Please don’t show up at Amelia’s house at 8 A.M in a Halloween costume.” And with that, she bid them adieu.

Saturday night rolled around pretty quick. Bri and a few other cheerleaders arrived at Amelia’s house early in order to set up the decorations. She was in the middle of hanging skeletons up on the wall when Amelia approached her, in the midst of carrying a Jack o’ Lantern.

“Hey girlie. How are you feeling for your first party as single gal?”

Bri thought for a moment. “Fucking hot.”

“Well, you look it!”

And boy, did she. She was dressed as the sexiest vampire she could possibly imagine. Her top half consisted of the classic Dracula getup: a blood-stained shirt with an upturned collar, a blazer, a cape and pale makeup complete with fangs. The bottom half rounded off the ensemble with fishnet leggings.

“You don’t look too bad yourself, Slutty Cinderella.”

“Hey, I’m just regular Cinderella.”

“Maybe I watched a different movie, but I’m pretty certain she didn’t have a visible midriff.”

Amelia flipped her off with a smile as she went on her way.

At bang on 8 P.M, the doorbell rang. At that point, a few people had already arrived, and the party was slowly but surely gaining momentum.

Bri answered the door to find the losers she had been… tutoring? Mentoring? Babysitting?

“Wow, 8 P.M exactly. I’m kind of impressed.”

“We actually got here like, 30 minutes ago. We just sort of waited awkwardly for it to be 8.” George admitted. Or at least, she assumed it was George. The figure who had just spoken was dressed in a full Spider-Man costume, mask and all. On top of that base was a pair of grey sweats and a dark green coat.

Bri laughed at the confession as Harrison punched him on the arm. “Dude, don’t tell her that! That makes us sound lame.”

“I think that ship sailed, dude.” George fired back.

“So, what’s everyone supposed to be?” Bri started her enquiry with George. “You’re obviously Spider-Man, but what’s with the other clothes?”

“I’m Peter B. Parker. From Spider-Verse.”

“Ok. Did you buy the Spider-Man suit for Halloween or did you already own it?”

His silence spoke volumes.

“Yeah, thought so. What about you, Benji?” Benji was wearing a police outfit, but like, one you’d find on a LEGO figure. On his face he wore those comedy glasses with the nose and moustache attached. “There’s a lot going on and I’m trying to make sense of it.”

“I’m the World’s Worst Undercover Cop.”

After a moment of letting it sink in, Bri couldn’t help but laugh.

“That’s pretty fucking great, actually. What about you, Danny?”

Danny was wearing an elaborate but classic Magician outfit, complete with a top hat, a cloak and a deck of cards in his hands. “I am the Great MISTER RIOUS!” He announced.

Each of his friends groaned, but Bri just looked confused. “Am I supposed to know this reference?”

“It’s his fucking magician persona.” Benji revealed.

“His what?!”

“I do kids birthday parties.” Danny said like that was a normal, common thing. “Speaking of which, if you happen to have any younger relatives…” he snapped his fingers as a business card appeared in his hands. “You know where to find me.”

Bri does not take the card. “Every fact I learn about each of you makes everything make so much sense.” Danny retreated, a little deflated but still chipper.

“Well, at least these guys actually tried.” Bri now turned her attention to the remaining two.

Harrison was straight up just wearing the school basketball kit. “Hey, I did try! I’m LeBron.” He tried to defend.

“I don’t think LeBron ever played for the Greywick High Goats.” Bri sighed as Harrison failed to continue his defence. Finally, she pointed at Shaun. “You have no out, though.”

“Yeah, I just didn’t feel like wearing anything dumb.”

Bri sighed heavier. “I guess this is what I’m working with.” She muttered to herself, before addressing them all. “OK, you guys have better be on your fucking A-Game tonight. My entire plan hinges on it.” She steps aside, letting them in the house finally. “Oh, and have fun too, I guess.”