Break the 4th wall, by can_i_see_ur_tits_please_

“I fucking hate fourth wall break stories.”

“You are in an awful lot of them, though, Gina.”

“That’s why I hate them!”

“On the positive side, this time we are having something especially depraved.”

“Uhu.”

“The premise of the story is that you describe people from your real life and other authors write porn stories about them.”

“Wow, that’s fucked up. I like it.”

“Well, there are some rules to prevent it from going too deep down the rabbit hole.”

AUTHOR'S NOTE. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T DEPICT REAL PERSONS AND DON'T USE REAL NAMES OR ADDRESSES OF REAL PEOPLE. I MEAN FFS.

“WHAT THE FUCK?”

“Gina please!”

“What the fuck is this shit? Playground let’s pretend? If these people don’t actually exist then what’s the fucking point of it! Fucking pussy!”

“Well, that’s what we are about to find out in Break the 4th wall, by can_i_see_ur_titsplease”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“The first branch we are reading was originally designed from our old friend warden.”

“Hold on, Marcie. Doesn’t this mean we need his permission first?”

“Well...technically yes, but...”

“We are low on submissions.”

“Exactly.”

“Huuhh….so the not actually real person is Aleksandra, 24 and Russian. Will this be a hate crime story, Marcie?”

“Fun fact, while this review will go live a few days later, we are actually reading this on Putin’s birthday.”

“Very interesting. We could read about Putin getting in the eye, but nooooo, no real persons!”

“Err...I suppose the less politics we bring into this the better.”

“Alright, so we are having a sex scene and meh.”

“Gina please. A little bit of enthusiasm.”

“Oh fuck you! That’s the most generic ass sex scene I ever read! The big showstopper of it is that some peeping tom is watching. Whoop di do!”

“The next scene is a bit more ambitious.”

“Ok, so now Aleksandra gets blackmailed by a toad and has to perform a striptease. Still pretty meh.”

“Well.”

“And that’s it. We’re done.”

“Don’t make me Gina Please you, again. There is only so many time I can say this before it gets stale.”

“Look, Marcie, it’s not my fault that you bend the rules and accept every pathetic stump of a story flung in our direction.”

“In my defense...”

“If you say we have no submissions, Marcie, I swear to god...”

“There is still another path we can read.”

“Does it have more then two chapters?”

“Let’s find out.”

READING IN PROGRESS AGAIN

“Oh, wow.”

“Well Gina. I guess you can say that was a pretty wild ride.”

“Har.”

“So, this time we follow Ria, a indian-american who gets burglarized.”

“Yeah, it’s one of those burglary gone wrong, now it’s time story.”

“Our burglar, Cornelius, isn’t that bad of a guy.”

“He’s a motherfucking , Marcie!”

“I mean yeah, but Ria kinda wants it.”

“Oh right, I almost forgot I’m talking with Miss is ok if the victim gets hot.”

“You have to admit this scene is pretty hot. It is not my cup of tea but I always had an affinity for rapists who care about their victims.”

“Huggghhhlll….”

“That being said, Cornelius is a bit of a moron as he left a copious amount of sperm on Ria.”

“Which is fucking weird because the guy is apparently a hacking genius but doesn’t know what DNA is?”

“It doesn’t matter though, since Ria and the Burglar part on pretty amicable terms and decided to make this a regular thing.”

“Just your casual Friday . By the way, Ria is married. But it’s ok because her husband cheats on her.”

“Not only that, she also has a stalker.”

“Yeah, take that for a plottwist. Some stalker fucker had cameras installed and is very angry about the . So he sneaks up on the burglar and bashes his brains in with a baseball bat!”

“Both get arrested. But that doesn’t mean it is a happy ending for Ria. Because on top of all of this, she is also in the process of getting blackmailed by the Toad.”

“Who is apparently a reoccurring character in tit’s cinematic universe.”

“Well, it is not exactly cinematic…”

“Shut up, Marcie! This shit is some Bollywood soap opera level of convoluted.”

“Which is very fitting. Toad forces Ria to do some pretty demeaning, racial themed stuff. It is probably the hottest scene in the story.”

“For fucks sake, Marcie.”

“Look, Gina. You know I am not a racist.”

“Just stop.”

“But I can appreciate the humiliation aspect of race play. I enjoy the racial aspect purely from an erotic perspective.”

“You really think that makes it ok, do you?”

“I see nothing wrong with my logic.”

“ANYWAYS, Burglar gets out of prison after three months for good behavior sneaks into the Toad’s apartment and steals his laptop so he can incriminate the toad. Toad gets arrested and then Ria gets by aliens. Yes, there are fucking aliens in this.”

“With two dicks even.”

“That’s two to many.”

“What follows is the classic alien abduction anal probing scene.”

“Some weird lizard alien anal rapes Ria, but it’s ok because they are good guys.”

“That does appear to be a reoccurring theme of this story. is ok when the is a decent bloke. I have to say...”

“So they all go on a galactic adventure. The End!”

“I suppose when you don’t know how to end a story, you can always introduce aliens.”

“What a shitshow.”

“Aw, come on, Gina. You have to admit that at the very least you weren’t bored.”

“Yes, but I also don’t get bored by google’s...writings.”

“Honestly? I think the story had potential. The writing is decent enough, and while I...ah actually did you masturbate to it?”

“Stop padding the review.”

“Me neither, but that was more because the sex scenes weren’t to my taste. I can’t really fault them for that.”

“I can.”

“I would say the biggest flaw of the story was the pacing. The setup with the three villains, all with individual agendas, could have made for a pretty intriguing sexy thriller but the author just rushes trough the narrative. This feels more like an outline then an actual story.”

“Which is clearly all this hack is capable of. You don’t end your story with fucking aliens if you know how to write.”

“As someone who has to come up with countless witty punchlines to close these reviews I can empathize.”

“They aren’t witty, Marcie.”

“I guess you could say that the way this story ended was pretty...alien to good storytelling!”

“Case in point.”