Bob Builds a Better Bob

Bob tapped his pen on the desk, looking down at his unremarkable body. That plus his shyness had kept him a virgin, but now he thought he could change all that.

He started to write in the notebook about the new body he wanted.

"Bob woke up to find that he had developed the physique of a bodybuilder."

He crossed that out. The notebook's power might make up a really weird cause for why something like that would happen overnight. He'd have to come up with his own cause.

"Bob checked the mail to find a small package with no return address."

No, wait, the mail didn't get delivered to his apartment building until the afternoon, and tomorrow he wouldn't get back from his part-time job at the college library until late in the evening anyway. How could he get it first thing in the morning, or, at least, at a time when he'd be reasonably awake...

"Bob's next-door neighbor Julio knocked on Bob's door at 8:30 in the morning. When Bob opened the door, Julio handed him a small package that had obviously come in the mail."

Bob rolled his eyes. He'd gotten in trouble using pronouns with the lottery situation. He crossed out the second half of the last sentence and continued.

"Julio handed Bob a small package that had obviously come in the mail. Julio said, 'Sorry, this was in our mailbox yesterday, and in the excitement, we forgot to bring it to you.' Bob looked at the package to see Bob's name and address handwritten on it, but no return address. Bob thanked Julio and closed the door.

"Bob opened the package to find a small, securely closed vial of liquid and a handwritten note. The note read, "Congratulations, you are the only one chosen randomly to receive this formula. Drinking this will drastically improve your body and face to something nearly every woman will want. If that's not enough, you will also exude pheromones that will make you even more desirable."

Tapping his pen again, Bob happened to look at his partially-open closet door and the wardrobe inside. Since he didn't win the lottery, he couldn't afford a whole new wardrobe. He'd have to see if this would work: "The formula works on a quantum level, literally changing reality. You will find your clothing, shoes, and accessories changing to match your new body, and even your home decor and other possessions if necessary. You will not have to 'maintain' your body in any way, and will also be immune to all diseases." Bob wanted to cover all his bases. Was that enough for the note? Okay, now he should probably specify that the formula worked as advertised.

"Bob uncapped the vial and drank the flavorless liquid," he wrote, and remembering to avoid personal pronouns, he continued, "Bob felt Bob changing already. The change finished quickly, as Bob could see by looking down at Bob's new body in Bob's new clothes. Bob ran easily to the bedroom, where one of Bob's new possessions was a full-length mirror. Bob was amazed by Bob's nearly perfect face in the mirror, and Bob took off Bob's clothes to see Bob's nearly perfect body. There was no acne, a nice tan, no unwanted body hair, just a stunningly attractive Bob. Bob walked into Bob's closet, as promised now full of items fitting Bob's new body, and easily put on a different outfit, even shoes. Bob then went around Bob's apartment, discovering that many possessions had changed to something better, and there were some new things, but it still obviously seemed like Bob had decorated it."

Bob reread all that and chuckled a bit -- it would probably only be good for a D-plus in an English class -- but it seemed that writing style didn't count much, specificity did. Maybe a little more was necessary. "The change to reality meant that people Bob had already met noticed no physical change to Bob. However, Bob's pheromones were new to other people, and caused the more attractive people Bob met to strongly desire Bob. Since the feeling would be mutual, Bob would have sex several times today, and in fact, several times every day. Having sex caused Bob no problems with schoolwork, Bob's job, or any other non-sexual aspects of Bob's life."

He read everything yet again and, satisfied, he put the notebook under his pillow.

Only one problem: it was only 5:49 P.M.

Bob busied himself with dinner, some TV watching, and then tried to work ahead in one of his classes, but found he was too distracted. An attempt at masturbation went very quickly as he imagined what tomorrow would bring; he got into bed around 9:30, but tossed and turned for quite a while before finally falling asleep.