Blended TML Ch 39

Piper really did feel something when she was topless in the sunlight. Being topless at night isn’t the same. Maybe it’s because she hasn’t bothered to change into a swimsuit. Mary doesn’t take anything off; she merely sinks into the deck chair with her drink and goes limp. There’s a light on a post at the base of the dock, but its glow is feeble.

The lake is still pretty at night. Piper finds the black surface of the water a little ominous, but the lights of the resorts and the boats look nice reflected in it. It’s late enough that things are sedate. People are still partying, but it’s nothing like what it was when the sun was up.

“How is it?” Mary asks.

“Underwhelming,” Piper replies with a yawn. “You gonna tell me what happened?”

“I’d rather not.”

“All right. Just remember that whatever you’re feeling right now isn’t real.”

“What do you mean? Aren’t you supposed to validate my feelings?”

“I didn’t say your feelings aren’t valid; I’m saying that your interpretation of them is compromised. That’s how depression works. When you’re OK, something bad happens and you deal with it normally. When you’re depressed, the same thing happens, and you interpret it as the end of the world. You’re depressed right now, so whatever is going on, you are not looking at it with your wise mind. You’re looking at it through depression goggles.”

“More like stress goggles.”

“Yeah, well. Anxiety and depression go together, and sometimes they’re hard to separate.”

Maybe takes a deep drink. “And where are you going with this profound observation about my feelings?”

“It’s a reminder not to get too attached to whatever thoughts you’re forming. Depressive feelings lead to depressive thoughts. Depressive thoughts feed the feelings. You can challenge that. But if you just accept the depressive reading of events, now you’re thinking more negatively, and that doesn’t help. If I don’t get the job I want, if I’m depressed, I feel like I’ll never get a good job. I’ll never amount to anything. That’s not a healthy way to think. If I weren’t depressed, I’d be thinking that you win some and you lose some. So, if I’m depressed, I still need to be telling myself that healthier, truer thing. We all have insecurities, but they aren’t always rational, Mary. Kayla and Riley are conventionally attractive white women in America from a white-collar home with no meaningful disadvantages, and they are both profoundly insecure about their value relative to the people around them. It’s not rational, but it affects every decision they make.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Piper. I thought you were trying to make me feel better.”

“I’m trying to help you think better. What the hell upset you so much about that Hamptons-looking chick in the wrap?”

“You saw that?”

Piper holds her canned G&T but does not drink; she only had one margarita at dinner and intends to stay sober. “She’s pretty.”

“Always was,” Mary mutters. “Look, I knew her in high school. And middle school. She was in my grade, but we weren’t friends.”

“Why not?”

“We were just in different friend groups, OK?”

Not OK. Piper’s not giving up that easily. Mary obviously has no idea who she’s fucking with.