Bitching Competition

You wake up. It's dark. As your eyes adjust to the dim light, you realize you're naked. You're in a small, unfamiliar room. Two other naked men lie beside you; one is a shorter, scrawnier man you recognize as Mark, the other is Chad, a muscular jock you know from high school.

Before you can gather your thoughts, the door bursts open, and several large, muscular figures appear in the doorway. They're so extremely well built that they look like Greek statues. They look almost unreal, but you feel a twist of fear in your gut as you remember some urban legends about the Martians who are rumored to visit Earth in search of new breeders.

They walk over to your prone form and, with startling ease, they carry you towards the open door. Chad and Mark are treated to the same rough handling. You're carried forward, down a corridor, into what feels like an audience chamber.

Three naked Martians are seated on a dais in the center, looking eager. A fourth, wearing what seems like a champion's crown, stands beside them, addressing you.

"Welcome, worthless pretenders of manhood." The fourth Martian sneers. "I am Alpha and will be the judge of this contest. You have been brought here unconverted that you may be used to determine who is best at bitching pitiful human males. Let us begin!"