Big Exercise is a Lie

‘Just keep with it,’ they said. ‘Soon you’ll start to crave it if you miss a session.’ ‘Don’t the endorphins feel great?’

You were absolutely, positively, utterly certain that you would never crave a workout at the gym. And no, you didn’t feel any damn endorphins from getting a ‘good pump’ or a ‘good sweat.’ You were too busy trying not to keel over and fucking die.

Hannah wasn’t actually trying to kill you, you were pretty sure. Sometimes it felt like she was, though.

April was spending the afternoon and evening with her friend Zara, so you’d been planning to get some gaming in since your regular Thursday gaming night was going towards meeting her. Then Hannah had gotten word that you were free, and an extra gym session had quickly been booked - and then she’d tortured you even more by making you walk home instead of hopping on the bus. Sure, it was only like 5 blocks, but the bus was right there…

You’d split up to shower and change at your own places, but it hadn’t taken long for her to be back at your door, grinning as she waved a bag of low-fat rice crisps that were somehow supposed to replace popcorn or chips as your snack for during the movie. Margot was out at the stables where she stabled her horse that evening, and Hikaru was working the late shift at the coffee shop so it was just you and your bestie for a few hours.

“You really think this is good?” Hannah asked, screwing up her face. She was lying with her head on the armrest of the couch, and she was short enough that you could sit at the far end and she only had to bend her knees a little to not touch you at all. Of course, this was Hannah, so since she apparently didn’t like the start of the movie and was getting bored she ended up playfully bugging you by pressing her feet against your thigh, kneading it like a cat doing the ‘making biscuits’ thing.

“I didn’t say it was good, I said it got good reviews,” you said. “We haven’t even gotten to the exciting parts. It’s supposed to get pretty gore-y in a comedic way.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Hannah sighed, turning onto her back and looking down the length of the couch at you. “What if we scrap the movie and start our Game of Thrones marathon again?”

“Really?” you asked in surprise. She’d begged off somewhere in the back half of the first season the last time you’d started.

“Sure,” she said. “It’s been a while since that awful fucking finale, and the early stuff was good.”

Cold Fish went the way of the Dodo, and you pulled up the HBO app and found where you’d last left off with Game of Thrones. Hannah took the opportunity to get up and head to the kitchen, fetching some more of the ‘rice puffs’ that tasted like styrofoam, and came back and sat next to you on the couch.

“Just start this episode from the beginning again so I remember where we’re at,” she prompted you.

You shrugged and did so, and she snuggled up against you and guided your arm around her shoulder so she could get comfortable. It was the ninth episode, the one where Khal Drogo was sick and Daenerys wanted to use blood magic to save him, and Tyrion fought in his first battle with his barbarian recruits. It was a pretty good one - and had the massive twist ending that had taken the world by fire.

About a third of the way through the episode Hannah shifted, laying down with her head pillowed on your thigh and grabbing your hand, holding it in yours. Your running commentary and banter, since you’d both seen the show before, continued unabated as you joked about the eventual fates of some of the characters, or where you’d recognised the actors in other shows or movies.

Then you got to the scene, about halfway through, where Bronn ‘finds’ Shae and delivers her to Tyrion. It was another one of those fun scenes between the two male characters but was also one of those classic Thrones scenes with unnecessary, gratuitous nudity that made the show so popular.

“She’s actually really pretty,” Hannah said when Shae pulled off her dress and bared her breasts to the camera. “And has nice tits.”

You coughed and chuckled at the same time, covering your mouth. “Sure,” you said.

“OK, Mr ‘My Girlfriend has Massive Knockers,’” Hannah laughed, sitting up. “For the rest of the world, those are nice tits. I mean, what, you think I’m not packing some heat just because I can’t drown a man in them?” She grabbed her chest through her tank top, cupping her breasts. They were small and petite, just like the rest of her, though the whole grabbing thing emphasised them a bit more.

“Hannah,” you chuckled.

She sat up on her knees, swinging her leg over your lap just like Shae sat on Tyrion on the screen. “You can’t tell me that a girl doing this isn’t kinda sexy, Ollie,” she said, grinning at you teasingly. “Even if she’s not April.”

“Fine, it’s kinda sexy,” you said, taking her with both hands on her waist and shifting her off of you as she cackled.

“Good, as long as you can admit it,” she said.

“Fine, I admit that Shae is a hot character, even if she does end up betraying Tyrion with his own father,” you said. “And boobs don’t need to be as big as April’s to be hot.”

“Finally,” she laughed, then slipped down onto her side and wiggled around a bit as she got comfortable with her head pillowed on your lap. The show had moved on during her teasing, and she sighed. “It’s too bad Khal Drogo couldn’t last longer in the show, he was the eye candy for the ladies. Him and Jaime.”

“Not Robb?”

“And Robb.”

“Jon Snow?”

“... and John Snow. Though it’s weird that he’s supposed to be like 14 or something at the start.”

Hannah watched the big twist scene with glazed eyes, not really caring. Her ruse had worked right up to the point that she hadn’t gotten enough of a rise out of Ollie.

She couldn’t stop thinking about what April had said. Mammoth Cock.

Hannah loved Ollie, and now she was fantasising about him pretty much every night. Doing that thing that the character had on-screen had been a thrill - imagine if she did it for real, and pressed her body to Ollie’s, and kissed him? Or if she’d whipped off her top and shown him her breasts?

Would he like them?

Still, she hadn’t gotten confirmation of his giant dick. She’d been hoping that between the nudity in the show and her putting on a little teasing he might get a little hard and she’d feel it, laying on his lap. But no such luck.

Maybe he was really just into girls with big tits like April. Or maybe he didn’t know anything different.

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