Bev wakes up

Bev woke up.

She blinked, trying to remember her dream. Something about red balloons, and a dancing clown... she couldn't quite put it together. Dreams were funny like that. It had been one of those naked-in-school dreams, she thought, where you accidentally come to class without any of your clothes on. Pretty embarrassing. She must be nervous about her first real day of college. Thank god nothing like that could ever possibly happen in real life.

She slid out of bed. Her dorm room was small, but it wasn't too bad. A new roommate was supposed to move in next week, but for now, she had the place all to herself. She crossed to the window and stood looking out at the campus green, full of cheerful students. What a wonderful place. Yes, things sure were looking up for Beverly Marsh. This was going to be such an empowering year. She was going to come out of it feeling like such a strong, independent woman.

Funny how she couldn't quite remember much about what high school had been like. Oh, well. It probably wasn't important.

She glanced at her alarm clock and jumped. She was already late! Her first class, Women and Comedy in World Theatre, started in less than five minutes! She'd been looking forward to the class for months. Professor Penny Weiss was famous across the world for her study of the history of clowning, and Bev really, really wanted to make a good impression on her. First impressions were so very, very important. People always remembered the very first time they saw you. If you got it wrong, it could follow you around forever. She couldn't walk in late. She had to get down there right now.

Hurriedly, she pulled on her sneakers and socks. She hurled herself out the door, scrambling through the corridors of the girls' dormitory in a mad rush to make it out on time. She sprinted across the lawn towards the lecture hall, forcing her way through the crowds of lounging students. She had to beat the clock. She couldn't interrupt Penny's lecture. It would just be so, so awful if the professor thought she was in any way silly or forgetful.

Her shoes tapped against the pavement as she raced towards the side door of the theatre. It stood open, just a crack. It was all okay. She was going to make it in on time.

"And now," said the professor, reading from her notes, "a demonstration of the basic principle of comedy. Someone getting humiliated is always funny. Observe this mannequin." She pointed to the mannequin, which stood in the stage next to her, in the middle of a big painted bullseye. "In just a second, I will show you how it's done."

The door banged open. Bev careened onto the stage, panting with effort, knocking the mannequin out of the way, She came to a stop exactly in the center of the bullseye, looking out at the audience of astonished college students. In the front, someone was pointing a film camera at her.

"Of course," said the professor, "this lecture is being broadcasted live over the Internet, for the benefit of... I say, who are you?"

"Hello, professor! My name is Beverly Marsh, and I'm the biggest fan of...

Bev stopped.

People were looking at her funny.

She'd come through the wrong door. She'd meant to slip in the back. Now she was standing here on the stage, in full view of everyone. She'd interrupted the lecture after all. In fact, she'd made a massive spectacle of herself.

How embarrassing!

Still, that wasn't so bad. It would be a funny story to share with her roommates later. And at least she wasn't...

Bev looked down.

She looked up, frozen in astonishment, a kind of wide-eyed pathetic whimper on her face. The camera was trained on her. Everyone was looking at her. And they were smiling.

The embarrassment was transcendent. A great rosy-red tide that swept over her from head to toe. They'd be telling her story for years to come, thank the Lord it didn't happen to them. But it was happening to her. Right here and right now. There was no escaping it. No matter how much she bit her lip and wished it would all go away, she'd still be here. On stage. On her first day of class.

Naked.

It wasn't a dream. She wasn't going to wake up. She was the one girl in a million who it really happened to. Who really accidentally came to class without any of her clothes on.

She was wearing her sneakers and socks. That was it.

Otherwise, she was naked.

Naked.

Naked naked naked naked naked naked.

And they could all see. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear, a special kind of grin that told Bev they were never going to let her forget this. Even the professor was grinning. Bev's whole body was on fire. There was no undoing this. She'd done it, and now she was stuck with it. She'd gotten out of bed and put on her shoes and walked right into a class without any clothes on. She'd made a complete fool of herself in front of the whole college. And now she was going to be the girl who came to class naked forever and ever and ever.

Naked.

She was standing here naked in front of everyone.

Still, at least it couldn't get any worse.

She heard a creak. She looked up. And the vat above her tipped over, dumping gallons and gallons of ice-cold custard down onto poor Bev's head as the whole theatre burst into raucous laughter.

"Now that," said the professor, "is comedy."