Being afraid and overthinking everything.

That morning I woke up alone. Seeing I was in Thomas’ parents’ bed, I knew that what had happened last night wasn’t a dream. I didn’t feel too hung over, just very thirsty. But more importantly… They weren’t there.

Sarah, Grace and Mila weren’t beside me, and I couldn’t help the hole opening in my chest. I tried to keep a good mindset. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened and all that. But…

It was 9:15 in the morning. I got up, got dressed and went out to check things out. The living room was a mess, as it normally is after a party. The floor was littered with plastic cups, snack crumbs, beer… The backyard didn’t fare any better. To make things worse, I had sex on Thomas’ parents’ bed.

Realization was just beginning to set in and a wave of shame was washing over me.

“Yo, you’re awake,” Thomas said, walking down the stairs in boxers and a T-shirt. He rubbed his eyes and spoke in a groggy tone. “Everyone else who stayed already left.”

‘Everyone left?’ I repeated in my head. I looked around once more at the mess. So Thomas invited everyone to have a good time, some stayed over, and they just left without so much as lifting a finger to help clean? It pissed me off.

I started to gather all the cups and other garbage on the floor, but Thomas tried to stop me. “Hey, it’s fine, man,” he laughed. “I can clean on my own. You can go home if you want.”

I frowned at him and shook my head, then continued doing as before. I wasn’t gonna leave like that after coming over, staying the night and having sex on his parents’ fucking bedroom.

“…” Thomas blinked at me several times before he smiled and said, “Thanks man.”

We spent a good chunk of the morning cleaning up. I swept the floors and took care of the garbage while Thomas did the dishes and moved the furniture back in place. And as we were working, the damn chatterbox couldn’t help but ask.

“So? Can I ask how last night went for you or is it a sore subject?”

I flinched. I didn’t want to think about it. Not yet. There was a small lump in my throat, a familiar desire to talk, but who was I to bother Thomas with my problems? He was probably asking out of concern that I’d done something to his parents’ bedroom or something. I believed I couldn’t impose more than I already had.

…

But I had fears that outweighed my hesitance to speak. I had no one else I could consult on this, and Thomas was a smart guy. I swallowed my nerves, and still in a low voice, I spoke.

“I… I did it with all three of them.”

Thomas frowned, but not out of annoyance or anger, but concern. “You don’t sound happy though. Was it bad?”

I fervently shook my head. That was a statement I had to deny with all my being. Last night had been the best night of my life. I didn’t want it to end, but it did, and now… “I… I don’t understand,” I said. I struggled to put everything else into words. I didn’t understand why that had happened, why to me, and what it meant now. Had it been a one-time thing? How was I supposed to act when I saw them in class next time? Would they want to hide what happened? Most likely. My chest hurt from all these questions.

Thomas gave me a hard slap on my back that echoed in the living room. I turned to him with a look of betrayal, but he was grinning from ear to ear. “Oliver, don’t you get what happened? Three girls, three moderately sober girls from what I could tell, willingly had a foursome with you, and from how hard you denied my previous question, I can only assume it was amazing. I repeat, Oliver. Three girls. With you. Willingly. What else in the world could worry you?”

I smiled wryly. His question was proof that Thomas didn’t really understand. I would admit he was a great guy, but he couldn’t put himself in the shoes of a socially anxious guy like me. Maybe he understood what would have to happen after that, but I didn’t. I wanted to believe it meant they liked me, but… three girls? What if they fought over me? Not that I seriously believed anyone would fight over me.

“Still unsure, huh?” Thomas asked, crossing his arms and sighing. “Alright. I’m half-responsible for what happened, so I’m not gonna throw you to the lions and leave you to your fate. I’ll approach the girls on Monday and ask them for an update. I’m on good terms with them, after all, or I wouldn’t have invited them to my birthday party.”

That… actually made me feel better, and made me reconsider my previous thought.

“By the way… I’m not trying to tease you, but are the bed sheets dirty? I’ll have to throw them in the wash if they are.”

My face burned with the strength of a thousand suns as I nodded.

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