Becoming a Sissy Healer Slut for my Party, by Kizonu

“ANOTHER FANTASY STORY?”

“It appears we are somewhat on a hot streak with them.”

“I’m so fucking sick of them. It’s Christmas! We should read something seasonally appropriate!”

“Well, Gina, this story has an elf in it. That is somewhat Christmasy, right?”

“As long as it’s not a fucking thief.”

“No Tieflings here. We are reading Becoming a Sissy Healer Slut for my Party, by Kizonu.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Alright, this is about some elf weakling who sucks at his job as party healer.”

“Ah, the classic fantasy **** setup were the protagonist ends up getting betrayed by the party and inflicts his brutal **** on them. Only it appears this story leaves out the **** part.”

“But that’s the best part.”

"Alright Arien, the first thing I need you to do is take off your clothes." Arien blushed a little.

"Does it have to be right here?" Lana laughed.

“We are starting with something confusing right out of the gate. The dialog is spoken by one character but the narration is for a different one. If your dialog has accompanying narration you want it to match. Otherwise break the paragraph up. And speaking of breaking up...”

"Alright Arien, here's the deal. Clearly things haven't been going well for you when you try to perform under pressure, which is something we absolutely need you to be able to do if we're going to go into a combat mission with you again. I don't need to remind you of what happened last time." Visions flashed in Arien's head of the traumatic experience of his first actual mission, and he remembered almost letting Lana die because he wasn't fast enough on his healing spells. Arien shuddered as he shook his head, wishing he could erase that event from the past entirely. Garn continued. "Now normally we would just cut our losses and fire you from the team at this point, but in your case I feel that we've invested to much time and resources to give up on you just yet." Arien nodded, it was disheartening to hear Garn say it like that but he didn't disagree. Garn had paid for Arien's robes, staff, magical reagents and more, money that would be down the drain as other healers couldn't attune to Arien's items unless he had already died or someone did an expensive ritual. "But, I actually think there's hope for you to be a good healer still, because Lana here accidently caught you pleasuring yourself one day, and using healing magic to do it." Arien's eyes went wide as Garn said it. Lana was watching him masturbate?! "Now normally Lana should have stopped watching and left you alone, but she noticed how much more fluidly you cast the magic when it was related to your own pleasure, I don't know why but it seems like a turn on for you." As embarrassed as Arien was, he nodded. A trick he learned early on at magic school was how to pleasure himself with healing magic, a set of dirty spells that got passed around at the academy where he learned the craft. The spells used the natural sensation of healing magic to cause pleasure by stimulating the nerves of the user. Arien's thoughts were interrupted as Garn continued. "Lana then proceeded to watch you for a while and look into what you were doing, normally I wouldn't condone this breach of your privacy but in this case I'm glad she did because she came up with a better way to train you. Starting tomorrow, if you agree to this, she's going to give you a magical tattoo that allows her and by extension the rest of us to stimulate you sexually, if her watching you is any indication you should perform better at healing magic when your feeling pleasure, if this works then congratulations, you will be our healer after all, if not, then we're gonna have to let our go." He paused for a moment letting his words sink in before continuing. "And if you don't want to try this, which is understandable, it's a bit unusual for sure, then I am sorry but we're going to let you go right now, you've had plenty of chances at this point." Arien thought about this for a moment. Was he really willing to go along with this? What if his party members took advantage of him? Being an adventurer was his dream but if he had to do it like this... Arien shook his head. No. He was going to do whatever it took to try and make it here, he had wasted his party's time enough, and besides he had little to no opportunities other than this. Arien nodded resolutely.

“Holy fuckballs! This monstrosity is a single paragraph!”

“The dreaded wall of text. Break it up. As a rule of thumb a single paragraph should not exceed five, perhaps six lines.”

“You know what? I take it. At least I don’t have to explain this crappy plot now.”

Arien dreamed that he was in a long corridor of a dungeon with a party of adventurers he had never seen before. The male warrior led the group with a female ranger holding her bow out at the right of the warrior and a male mage with his staff at the ready right in front of Arien. Suddenly from a side passage the party had just walked by a group of goblins emerged. The monstrous creatures were green and pounced like a feline predator on Arien, snatching him away from his party and spiriting him down the side passage...

“This paragraph on the other hand is of perfectly reasonable length. What is not of reasonable length is the chapter, which consists of nothing but this paragraph.”

“Is it just me, Marcie or do we have a lot of these short as fuck chapters stories recently?”

“No, I think you are onto something, Gina. This story is 26 chapter long so far, but aside from the very first chapter all of them were very short. As a general rule of thumb, your average chapter should at least be two word pages long.”

“Blah, nobody cares about your lame ass thumb rules, Marcie.”

“Hmm, perhaps we should return to the plot, then?”

“What plot? Fuck all happened in these chapters!”

“Well, Arien receives a tattoo.”

“Yeah, I bet you liked that.”

“Not exactly, because the focus is shifted away from the tattoing process to Arien having a dream about Goblins.”

“And not the cute ones either. The rat bastards ones.”

“This is one of the pivotal moments of your character. He receives a tattoo that changes his status in the party and the world at large. To pull away from this moment for a basic Goblin sex scene is quite frankly absurd.”

“So, the sissy slut got a tat and you won’t believe what happens next.”

“The party takes Arien to a public bath for cleaning purposes. Naturally, that is just a thinly veiled excuse to H him.”

“Fuuuuuck! This shit goes by extremely fast but it still bores the fuck out of me! How is that even possible?”

“Simple, Gina. This story lacks direction.”

“That question was rhetorical.”

“I know. There is nothing inherently wrong with the bath scene, except for its placement. We should have had some excitement by now. Instead of dreaming to go to a dungeon the group should have actually ventured into one. And yet the latest chapter, posted over two weeks ago, is about how Arien is now starting his training as a sissy healer slut.”

“Who gives a shit about training or any of this really? You are an adventure party! Go on an adventure, you lazy shits!”

“There are some positive aspects to this story. Arien’s party member aren’t just exclusively lusting over him. Some are enjoying his predicament while others view it as simply a pragmatic choice. This makes it especially frustrating that the story drags its feet like this.”

“Meh.”

Alright Arien, here's the deal.

"Alright Arien, the first thing I need you to do is take off your clothes."

"Alright Arien, you've been a very good boy so now it's time to give you a bath."

"Well alright Arien, if you want me to go along with what Lana says then I will."

"Alright Arien, we're ready to begin your training to start your training now if you are."

“While characters have distinct personalities they are lacking an individual voice. These examples are dialog from three different people and yet they all feel the same. This is a typical mistake for novice writers and something you want avoid. Try making each of your characters sound distinct.”

“Meh.”

“You are especially unresponsive this review, Gina.”

“I told you, Marcie I’m sick of these fantasy stories. I can only read so many in a row before I clock out.”

“You might be happy to know that the next story is not fantasy, then.”

“Good. What’s the catch?”

“Merry Christmas, everyone.”