Became too Close to Sfen

“Varas tend to have obsessive personalities. If one gets too attached to a passing whim, it’s said that they will pursue it as someone might pursue a life goal. If that whim happens to have a self-feeding cycle, well that IS just the type of loop that many a Vara finds themselves in. Typically, and most often it involves fields of study. When you were young, you found your ancestors' Botany books and decided you wanted to be a Botanist, until you found journals on taming within those Botany books and hidden or frustrated facts and realities are like candy to a Vara. The only thing that saved you from going down that road was… well, I don’t know the details. Just be aware, Fiona, that while you’re chasing your obsessions it is always a possibility that you’ll be drawn to something else. It’s the nature of your Father’s side of this family.” That was the last bit of advice your mother gave to you about the name you were born with.

“What was… that man’s obsession?” You asked bitterly.

“The absolute worst for a Vara to have.” Marrien sighed.

“Will you tell me?”

“No, and you won't find it anywhere in this house.”

“You know, modifying a Vara Library and Vara Notes is a crime across the entire world.”

Marrien smiled cockily. “Tell them to come get me, then, dear. I’m not losing anyone else to it.”

The enigmatic Varas. Not a name. Well, it was a name, but to just call it that betrayed the depth of it. The Varas were a nomadic species of humans that roamed all of the lands between Okkam, Cheshire and the North Coast of the Maran continent. Though the majority stuck to these areas, Varas had spread to all corners of the planet and their value as researchers to the natives created consistent rules around them for each population they entered. For some reason, thoughts of who you are and where you came from swam through your mind as you began training with Sfen.

Joining him to train started as a bid for catharsis. You wanted to see his face when you inevitably revealed which arm was dominant for you. You wanted to feel his anguish when he realised you were better than him, and even better, when you revealed that you were a woman, because Sfen, confiding in you while thinking you were a man, had very traditional ideas about women, because of course he did. Sfen was the child of a Marquis. You had assumed he was an overconfident lower noble based on how much he puffed out his chest. It turned out he was a Marques, which was just two titles removed from a King. You had no real standing to push him around, unless you revealed your fiance.

This is so stupid. You thought, swinging your sword.

He thinks he’s actually giving me pointers. These only work if I don’t already know it all! I’m using my left hand, is the only reason.

“Hey, what type of girl do you want?” The tall, lower noble that hung around with Sfen was named Ced and he was the son of a baronet. Sfen did not take the question kindly and bowled the boy over aggressively. He blushed and grumbled.

“Don’t ask such a stupid question in training.” The two other boys stood down, but you saw it as an opportunity to mess with him.

“Maybe you like boys, if you aren’t willing to answer.”

“What!?” Sfen stared at you sharply. You could see that he had a slightly pained look behind his bravado as he got a look at your body again. You laughed and teased him further, maybe a little more than you should.

“Maybe Roy’s your type?”

“Roy!?” Sfen scowled.

“Roy looks like a girl, anyway.” The fatter of the two boys offered placatingly. His name was Wyl.

“So, I mean-”

Sfen interjected. “If Roy was a girl, it’s a different story. But he’s not. He’s a guy. So are-” He looked at you, then stopped himself. You smirked impishly.

“So am I? I mean… if you’re thinking about it, it’s probably true, huh?” You thought out loud.

“Not that I’m accusing you of anything~” You made a point to do a few moves with your back to him so that he could get a full view of your rear.

“I mean what I said, if Roy, or-” He stopped.

“If Roy was a girl he’d be ideal.”

You blinked and looked back. “What? You do basically just like boys at that point.”

“No I don’t.” Sfen asserted.

You marched up to him, staring up with your hands on your hips. “You do.”

“You don’t get it.”

“What don’t I get?” You questioned. The other boys stepped back, keeping themselves out of the spat.

“You don’t get the appeal of a girl with small-to-mid cups and a toned body.”

“Hah!?” You blushed deeply. He was essentially describing you without knowing it.

Sfen smiled, looking up in thought as he said. “I’ve been around soft noble women my whole life. There’s nothing like a girl that you know is strong and athletic.”

“Y-yeah?”

“Why’re you so flustered?” He lifted a brow. You changed the subject.

“I thought you’d be into some, uh… Motherly type. You know, a girl that’d make a good wife?”

“Any girl can be a wife, because those are things that are taught.” He stated practically.

“But a girl's body is something else. Besides, every guy can understand the appeal of domesticating a strong, active and boyish type of girl into a feminine woman.”

You squinted at him. “There’s something deeply wrong with your skull.”

“Is there?” He exhaled through his nose.

“You know… You’d also be my type if you were a girl.” He admitted it the moment he realised it would cause you more mental anguish than him. It was written all over his face as he looked you over smugly.

“Come to think of it, we haven’t seen you in the baths once since you got here, Fin. You afraid of how small your pecker is? I know these suits are tight, but I can barely see it. Hell, you’re smaller than Roy.” He mocked.

“Sh-shut the hell up. I don’t care about that shit.” You turned your back and began to walk, but he grabbed your arm.

“If you don’t care then we should all hit the baths together since we’re done training. You’re a guy. You get sweaty, you got no excuse~” Sfen teased, pulling you as Ced and Wyl laughed along, following behind. You tried to pull away, but you were boxed in and lead directly to the outside of the baths where you pulled and protested further. The two walked in before you two.

“Get off! You fucking prick! I don’t need to take a bath with you! Are you gay or something!?”

“Nothing gay about two dudes sharing warm water. What’s wrong with you?” He lifted his blonde brow at you curiously. The more you refused, the more eager he seemed to be to try and get you in.

“Come on, no arguing. This is happening.”

“No it’s not!” You insisted angrily, failing to stop yourself or pull away due to his superior strength. Even with your right arm healed, you were a mix of strength and speed. Sfen was purely strong.

“Oh yeah?” He chuckles, almost getting you through the door.

“Why’s that?”

“I-” You gritted your teeth and finally just tried to kick him in the balls. He gasped, but managed to stop your knee with his palm. Sfen then used the grip he already had on you to sweep your leg and get you to the ground.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” He wondered, then, as he took a very close look at your blushing face, your arms, your waist, your hips and your neck and especially the flatness between your legs he scrambled to get up off of you.

“Oh- oh shit. No way. Fin, you’re-” While he was confused and hesitant you took the opportunity to actually land a kick between his legs. He screeched and fell to the ground. You marched away, trying to get to Heilan. If the jig was up, you had to get into the female bunk.

“You what?” She asked.

“I may have been found out by Sfen.”

“Really…” Heilan was speaking while practising sword swings. The beastfolk did over one-thousand per day. She did not seem the least bit interested in your problems.

“Does it matter?” She asked without looking.

“Of course! Why do you think you’re in a separate bunk from the men?”

“Because they told me to.” Heilan shrugged.

“Why else?”

“This is so frustrating.”

“Sorry you’re frustrated.”

“You’re gonna say I brought this upon myself for getting close to Sfen.”

“Nope.”

“For training with him…” You grumbled.

“Nah.” Heilan rejected.

“You two have a long-standing rivalry, huh? So I guess you probably saw this coming a mile away.”

“I have no idea what’s going on. Shouldn’t you be training?”

“In any case… Sphen’s an okay guy. He’s got some weird beliefs.”

“Okay, you’re just going to keep talking? Go ahead, then.” Heilan continued performing her sword swings for the day, counting them in her head as you talked at her.

“You could’ve warned me…”

“Mm.” Heilan barely answered.

“Could’ve told me he was so…”

“Mm?” She intoned questioningly.

“Well, what I mean is… He’s decently strong, and I guess he’s got good intentions.”

“Yeah.” Heilan nodded.

“Not as strong as me. Not anymore.” She offered once the conversation shifted to something she was interested in. She asked.

“How’s your training going-”

“It’s just… I don’t know if this is just my instinct and my nature playing with my head, or if it’s something more? You know?” Heilan shook her head.

“Heh… You’re probably wondering what I mean.” Heilan shook her head.

“I like to press people's buttons. I like to test them and he tests me back. I guess that’s just kind of exciting. Even if the shit he says is stupid or gross, it’s kind of fun putting myself against him. It’s like… some people are looking for a counterpart but I think I want more is an opponent. I don’t think I could stand being with someone that’s a pushover. I’d completely bowl over them and make them my bitch.” Heilan’s ears perked up as you said that.

“No offence.”

“No I-” Heilan was still staring straight forward.

“I just missed most of what you said. I know you’re a bit of a bitch, but that’s fine.”

You squinted. “That’s not what I said… Hey! You think I’m a bitch?”

“It’s… A term of endearment for my-”

“No it isn’t!” You growled.

“I said I’d make someone ‘my’ bitch.”

“Oh. Do you want my advice?”

“Yes!”

Heilan sniffed the air next to you. “You are extremely aroused.”

“Wait… that’s not advice.”

“That is all.” Heilan nodded.

“You’re saying I should talk this over with Sfen…”

Heilan narrowed her eyes at that but kept staring straight. “Not at all.”

“Thanks for the advice, you’re a good girl.” You patted her on the shoulder and turned to walk back. Then you saw Sfen. The two of you met in the middle and at the same time you both said.

“I think we should talk.”

“I’m sorry for treating you so rough. Sort of.” Sfen offered. The two of you had retired to a storage room. You noted that Kara was curled up sleeping in one of the open crates. You closed it before you started speaking and placed another box on top gently.

“Why? Also, why’re you only sort of sorry?”

“Because you’re a Squire just like the rest of us. I don’t feel bad for treating you how I did, but I would’ve treated you differently if I knew.”

“That’s part of the reason why I dress like this! Fuck, it’s gonna be so annoying once you tell everyone.”

He looked confused. “Why would I tell anyone?”

“Because you’re a prick?”

Sfen laughed, covering his face with his hand. “Look… I’m prick, but I’m not a piece of shit. You got something you wanna do, and you’re acting like a boy to do it. I respect it. Why would I do anything to interrupt that? Besides, you being a girl explains a lot about how I’m able to completely trash you in training exercises.” He chuckled.

“You motherfucker!” You screamed angrily.

“What? I kinda get the impression that you like it when I jab you like that. Should I stop? Should I start babying you because you’re a girl?” You blushed lightly.

“Thought not. So… I’m treating you like I treated you before..I’m just wondering-”

“What?”

“Do you, like… feel like a boy or are you just pretending?”

“There’s a difference?”

“I dunno. You tell me.” He looked at you curiously.

“I’m pretending. For your information-” You strutted up close to him.

“I like wearing makeup. I like wearing dresses and being a girl. I just need to be different right now.”

“Why?” Sfen allowed you to get closer without budging from where he was standing.

“Because I’m on a mission. In this world girls are subject to lots of things that guys aren’t. It’s unfortunate, but true.”

“That’s true. If you pretend to be a man, nobody will suspect you of being weak. Typically women need a man to protect them, and they tie themselves to a man. If you’re like this, you don’t have to be tied down to anything.”

You gave the man a crooked look. “Are you retarded!? Who taught you to think like that?”

“Uh… Most people? My dad, butler, my mom, my sisters… Should I-” He lifted both brows. You interjected before he could go on.

“I forgot where we were. You’re a Teor Noble. You know… You have female Knights. Hell, there’s Teuta. How do you reconcile that?”

“What do you mean? Teuta’s a strong woman. Heilan is also a strong woman to some extent. I don’t think it’s impossible, but I also think that it’s not common. For the record, I think you qualify as a strong woman. It’s just…”

“What?”

“You’re not as strong as me.” He smirked.

You tore the bandage off your right hand. “I guess it’s time.”

“Heh. What?”

You drew your sword with your right hand. “To put your sorry ass in your place.”

“Aren’t you left-hand? Do you want to spar here?” He asked, drawing his own sword.

“The space is compact. You’re extremely unfavoured. What’s your goal in doing this?” He wondered out loud, standing with a very solid positioning in the centre of the storage room. In just an instant his world went diagonal, then horizontal and he was staring at the ceiling. You walked back from him and went back to your position.

“W-what the f-”

“Get up. Let’s go again.”

Sfen took a breath, dusted himself off and stood up. He got into a wider stance. The Squire looked at you with a stern gaze and nodded.

“This time I’m rea-” He was on his back again. He laid there, staring up at the ceiling a bit longer. A smile crossed his lips that confused you a bit. He got up, dusted himself off and tried to ready himself a different way.

“Okay! Let’s go again!”

Your movements were fluid and fast, but with enough strength to best him since you had your right hand. The anatomy of what was happening was fairly simple, and not at all complex. As you advanced you pinned his sword from moving, then as his feet turned to face your direction you switched, let off pressure and allowed his weight to shift, at which point you countered that weight and put him on his back. It was a fun trick but it did not work the third time. He held firm, but you were still better with your right hand available. You began properly exchanging blows and easily you parried and redirected his powerful, predictable swings. It was all so slow when you didn’t have your main hand literally tied behind your back.

“You’re not actually that bad.” You said, putting your sword to his neck. You got awfully close to him once your own swordplay overwhelmed his. You hooked your foot behind his ankles and took him to the ground a third time. He stared up, panting. Sfen was blushing and smiling stupidly.

“Wow.”

“What? Going crazy because you got beat by a girl.”

“Kinda. You’re pretty perfect. You’re a girl, you got a great, athletic body and you’re a bit of an asshole on the outside, like me.”

“Only the outside, huh?” You stared down at him in disbelief. You were squatted over his laying form, sword still in hand. You were keeping an eye on his sword-hand, since he had a history of playing dirty. Kind of like you.

“Anyway, as you can see, I got bored of trying to beat you with a handicap.”

“Yeah, well… Now it’s time for me to reveal my handicap.” Sfen announced with a grin.

“Shut up, idiot.” You flicked his forehead.

“Your handicap is that you’re a mental invalid. Your skull is so thick that it’s pressing on your brain, stupid.”

“Haha/” Sfen laughed and reached up, dropping his sword. You took his hand and reluctantly pulled him up. He got a bit too close, looking down at you. He was still taller and bigger, even if you were stronger.

“My Mother always said that Man is like the Dogfolk, and Women are like the Teor. A man is improved by a good woman.”

“It’s not my job to improve you, you freak.” Your eyes rolled.

“But your mom’s a smart lady.”

“I’d love for you to meet her sometime.” He offered shamelessly, still holding the hand that he took to help himself up.

“You gonna admit you lost?” You finally asked.

“In more ways than one.” His cheeks were reddened and you could tell it was not from embarrassment.

You still wanted to wind him up, since you didn’t like where things were going. You smirked cockily at him and asked in an insulting tone.

“You still wanna train together? Though, I guess I’d have to be showing you how to be better.”

“Sure.” Sfen shrugged.

“Don’t say it so easily! You’re supposed to be offended!”

“But I want to improve and become better than you. You are better than me. When I improve and surpass you, I’ll ask you if you want to be with me. I promise I’ll protect you and make you happy at that time, so help me improve to make that happen.”

“Are you insane? You want me to train you to beat me so that you can ‘take care of me?’”

“Why not? If I’m never stronger than you, I’ll give up and be your bitch.” He smirked.

“How about that?” You tried, but it ended up being you that got wound up.

“Sounds good. I’m gonna hold you to that. You’ll never be better than me, Sfen. Never.”

***

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this story and want to read more of it, more Chapters are currently available to read at https://www.patreon.com/TVWintergreen I upload new chapters every week day with extra content also being released constantly to my discord for Extra Tier Members."