Be the bearer of bad news

Yakovich and Kapustin tell me that I’m the first to return. I tell them what I know before continuing to Lyudmila’s house. I have a knot in my stomach, knowing what I’m going to have to tell her.

Lyudmila is standing by the door when I enter.

“Tatya?” She gasps, and embraces me. “Thank god! It’s been so long, that I thought you didn’t make it!” She says. “Where is everybody else?”

“We had to split up to shake the Germans.” I explain. “We got to the boys without much trouble, but things got a little heated when we escaped.”

“Where is Nikita?”

“He…. uh….” I ****. There is panic in her eyes.

“Is my Nikita okay?”

“No.” I say, and hang my head.

“Is he hurt?”

“Worse.” I mumble.

“Is he dead?”

I lift my head and meet Lyudmila’s gaze. All of the hope drains from her eyes before I even have to speak, and she starts to **** up. I try to begin to apologize, but she drowns it out with a wail and pushes past me to leave the house.

Just a moment after she leaves, I see the others come through the door.

“I take it that you already gave her the news.” Clarke presumes.

“I give her news.” I explain. “Not easy news to give, harder news to take. He die because of me.”

“What makes you think that?”

“I in charge, I make plan, he die because plan not good enough.”

“Now hold on a minute.” Hobbs steps in. “It isn’t realistic to make such a daring plan and not expect any casualties.”

“Your plan worked.” Clarke tells me. “Not only did you get us out, you killed Krueger personally.”

“And now,” Hobbs adds. “We’re going to turn their precious dam into rubble.”

“Thank you.” I tell them. “But I still not feel good about him.”

“Don’t blame yourself.” Clarke urges me. “Now you should go out there and try to find Lyudmila, and check on her.”

I give him a nod, then head outside. Luda sits on a bench on the front porch. She looks like she’s been crying, but it’s stopped now. I sit next to her and pat her shoulder.

“I don’t understand.” She says. “Why would it happen to him? First my husband, now him?”

“I don’t understand either. It isn’t fair.” I tell her.

“Give me a gun.” She says.

“For what?”

“So I can go down there and take some of them with me.”

“Now hold on just a minute! Have you lost your mind? They’ll kill you!”

“No, I haven’t lost my mind. I’ve lost so much more, and I don’t care if they kill me. Even if I can take just one, it would be worth it.”

“I don’t think you understand. It isn’t that easy, to end somebody’s life. War isn’t as romantic as it sounds. I hate them just as much as anybody, but they’re still people.”

“They aren’t people.” She growls. “Not to me. I’ve heard some of your stories, I’ve heard how you talk about it, like you’re proud.”

“Proud? Sure. Sometimes it feels good in the moment, sure, it’s exciting to destroy the enemy. You might think that I’m tough, but even I have thoughts that keep me up at night.”

“I’ll deal with any consequences later. I want ****.”

“If your heart is set, then we won’t be able to stop you.” I tell her. “But if you’re patient, there’s more that you can do to help our cause.”

“What more can I do?” She asks. “I want to help you make your move.”

“We’ll take any help we can get.” I tell her. “Here is your first assignment. I want you to get out there and see if you can round up anybody that’s willing to fight. Only people who you are sure that you can trust.”