Battler turns down Eva's offer. (Stacks -3)

"That's real generous, Aunt Eva, but... sorry. I think I'm gonna pass." Battler said this as he began to rise.

"Ahaha! You've always been a funny kid, Battler," Eva laughed, moving slightly to stand in his way. "You're hurting my feelings a little bit, but more importantly... You saw those stacks of cash, right? Those aren't counterfeit, or anything like that... and if you flip through them, you won't find a single small bill. You only need to give me one of those three stacks to participate... Then, you can walk out of here with two stacks of your own! I hardly think that's too steep a price to pay for humoring your aunt and her silly friend..."

"Heh. Well, sorry again, but... I'm not a kid anymore, Eva. You didn't notice I'm an adult now?"

"Oh, quite the opposite! I was counting on you having the maturity needed to enjoy this sort of situation." Eva was still smiling, but she was hiding half her face behind her fan. I imagined she was probably wearing a bit of a scary expression.

"Look, I'm no idiot," Battler added, his eyes growing serious as he saw Eva didn't mean to let him leave. "Kyrie taught me 'chessboard thinking.' You turn the chessboard, then try to imagine what your opponent is trying to do. Forgive me if I get a little suspicious when a relative asks to pay me for the pleasure of dancing for me... So, Aunt Eva, what my reasoning is telling me is this: you and your buddy were going to use that money to draw me in, and turn it into a confusing game instead of just giving me the money, so I wouldn't see your real intention behind it. There's no way for me to get any money if I don't accept the first act, right? Unless I turn my nose up at these crazy wads of cash, you'll get to do what you want. And what you want... is photos of me, in a compromising position!"

"What kind of a joke is that?!" Eva asked, now in the opposite of a sexy mood as she yelled in Battler's face. "Don't you understand that would be just as bad for me as it would for you?!"

"Would it, Aunt Eva?" Battler was in full amateur detective mode now, letting his imagination run at full speed he as used his confidence to **** her back and allow him to stand. "You're very aware I only recently rejoined the family register. Most of this family knows me as a good-for-nothing, with a low place in the succession and no prospects. If it comes down to a shouting match between you and me, each pleading our side of the story, who are they gonna believe: the crying mother or the obnoxious punk who suddenly showed up again?!"

"Battler, that's not... This isn't fair!!" Looking at Eva's eyes, I saw plenty of anger... I also thought I saw a bit of hurt. "What makes you think I'm capable of something as devious as that...?"

The young man glanced away, rubbing the back of his head. "You might have forgotten a lot about me while I was away, Aunt Eva, but I didn't forget about you. Do you think the rest of us are blind? Everybody knows you've got a sharp tongue and sharper wits... Sorry, but when I try to make sense of this crazy situation, it's the only explanation that works."

The mother sank down to her knees in defeat. She could continue to argue her innocence until her face was blue, but how would she possibly set the mood again, even if she got him to believe her? I saw Battler head for the door as I struggled to decide if there was any point in trying to stop him.

"Aunt Eva... I'm rejoining the others. I won't say anything tonight, but... I want you to think about how you'll address this-"

"Stop, Battler. I've already thought about it."

Battler turned to hear her out... then froze with wide eyes, seeing the rifle she'd pulled from beneath the loveseat, where she'd hidden it earlier. "Aunt... Eva... What... Have you lost it?! W-we're family!"

"Oh, no, Battler. You're right. We are family." Eva gave him her widest smile yet, but there was no warmth behind it at all. "You and I are allies, aren't we? Let's rewind to earlier tonight. I said we'd work together on solving that epitaph. Well, consider it solved! I already know the key to where the fortune is. And that key is... this man!"

She turned the rifle and her wicked smile on me. I saw there was no safety on this time.

"Mr. Player knows where the entire Ushiromiya fortune is! Luckily, I think I have a way to get him to talk... And, even more luckily, I have an accomplice to help with it!" She began stepping toward me with her grin spreading, and instead of myself, I could see tons of gold reflected in her mad eyes. "Battler, grab a couple of pillows from that bed, would you? One to muffle the shot, and another to muffle the screams. We'll just give him a glancing blow, just enough to get him talking-"

Before Eva could do that, Battler had, improbably, come to my rescue. What a dashing guy! The muscular young man grabbed for the rifle, trying to wrestle it from his aunt. "This is insane! Aunt Eva... S-snap out of it! Cut it oooout! Gaaah!!"

I don't know who was responsible, but, somehow, the rifle fired. Far from dealing a glancing blow, Eva had hit me square in the chest...

I laughed bitterly as I slumped against the wall. Looks like this is as close as you'll get to being a witch, Eva... but it's not as far off as you probably think.