Oathbreaking

Danica

As soon as Ruby closed the show, the screen went dark and the Staff immediately began to fold up their picnic arrangements, tossing all the food into provided garbage cans which never appeared to fill up. Looking it over, Danica couldn’t see that any of it had even been touched. At times, she could kind of get lost in her own troubles but watching hundreds of people act like hive-minded ants could still rattle her. All of it is so fake.

Danica snuck a glance at Ronnie, she couldn’t or wouldn’t bring herself to watch. How could she live like that? Everything just… right there and yet impossibly far away. Then they bring her back only to keep tormenting her. Making her cum in public over and over, and now she has to do it herself? The way this place weaponizes everything against you, your own needs, your own pleasure… it’s beyond sadistic. Danica resolved to talk to her, bridge their gap as she had promised Michael. Her gaze continued to Vivian, looking downcast at her severe reversal of fortune.

She needs it too, maybe most of all. Danica thought. Ronnie came to me when I was at the edge, and she had even more reason to let me fall.

Danica approached, but Vivian jumped from Michael’s lap and scurried away down the stairs from the stage before Danica could stop her.

We have a few days, I’ll find her.

Ruby and Al approached Michael and pushed past Danica to speak to him, though on the small stage they were audible to all.

“Mikey, we need to talk to you.”

“Okay, what’s the matter?”

Ruby jumped in. “We’ve been noticing you’ve been hiding in the suite quite a lot. We decided it would be in your best interest if we kept you out of there during the day.”

Michael jumped to his feet. “Wait, what are you talking about, ‘we’ decided? My ‘best interest?’ How can you know what my best interest is?”

“Calm down, Michael.” Ruby purred, moving in closer. “Just spend some time with the girls today. Your girls. You keep giving us good television and we’ll keep throwing gorgeous women at you.” Ruby flicked his erection with her finger, making him wince. “Don’t pretend you aren’t loving it.” Michael brought his hands lower, defensively covering himself, but said nothing further.

Ruby and Al apparently had enough of teasing him and left, abandoning the cast on the stage and heading down to the waiting car. Or cars. Danica noted how they couldn’t even bring themselves to share a limo even though they were heading to the same place. As the others filed down to return to their own limo, Danica saw the Staff setting off to walk across the desert. She tapped Mallory on the shoulder as her daughter passed to hold her back, then waved for the others to climb into the limo and leave.

As the last one pulled away, Danica and Mallory were left alone in the stillness of the morning. Frankly, she appreciated the peace from the drama in the common room and the chaos everywhere else. However, Mallory appeared terrified, as if expecting Danica to tear her apart at any moment. Danica pulled the taller girl into a hug and held her head close. Mallory began to sob into Danica’s overlarge chest, finally letting go of the tension she’d been carrying all morning and the humiliations she’d endured since the night before.

“Mom… Mom…” She wanted to start something. An apology, an explanation, a vent. But Danica could tell she wasn’t ready for it just yet, and shushed her, gently stroking her hair and giving her silent permission to release. So Mallory took it, full on ugly-crying, with her pained cries fading into the empty desert. “Mom, are you mad at me?” Truth be told, Danica had been furious. Seeing Janet try to sneak back into the bedroom last night had been a relief, because noting her points had climbed alongside Mallory’s had made it clear what happened. But when Danica awoke the next morning and saw Mallory’s total jump even higher…

“I… was.” Danica confessed. “But I’ve had time to think about it. When they put us in that little penalty box or whatever the hell it was, tried to make me play their sick game. I told myself I wouldn’t do it. I dug in my heels and got just as defiant and pissy as you’ve ever seen me. Like when they wouldn’t refund my airline tickets after the engine caught fire at the gate, remember?” Mallory laughed a little, a welcome respite from the sobbing. “But that only carried me a few hours.”

“Then what?” She’s talking instead of crying, progress.

“Well, I remembered my oath as a doctor. I swore to do no harm.”

“But you were supposed to make one for Luciana? To give her a bonus.”

“It’s still changing her, Mal. I can’t do that to someone.”

Mallory looked guiltier than ever. “I did. I dunno, I thought giving Sarah a button to make her forget would help her stop blowing up on people all the time. At least mine lost the vote.” But mine won.

“Well… I broke down too. An empty room with just a notepad can start feeling really crowded once your mind starts playing tricks on you…” Danica didn’t continue, and Mallory didn’t want her to. But she remembered the horrible nightmares about what they might do to her or the others if she just didn’t play. Then the thirst and hunger. And finally the impending sensation of her pill withdrawal. Tormenting her mind, body, and soul simultaneously.

To her lingering shame, Danica gave in. As she’d written her proposal, the notebook scorched with each stroke as if her pen was a hot blade. And then, before she could reckon with what she’d done, she was wrenched back to reality. Or whatever you’d call the hotel.

But the time to think had given her a new perspective. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to accept another woman sleeping with Michael, but how could she criticize them considering the stakes? Danica had broken her most cherished-oath and all she’d been able to hide behind was the flimsy justification that Luciana wasn’t ‘harmed.’ But how long could that last? If Luciana fell down the leaderboards that bad luck could become serious. And what if Danica wasn’t in the position to create a reward next time, what if she had to punish someone? What if that was Mallory or Janet? What possible moral high ground could she still claim?

Failing to uphold her oath as a Doctor, Danica recommitted herself to her vows as a mother, a wife, and as the good woman she pictured herself to be.

We need to help each other. I need to help them. Starting with Mal.

After a few minutes, Mallory began to relax and calm down as Danica’s devoted mothering worked its magic. They laughed when she pulled back from Danica to show how she’d soaked her dress a little with her tears.

“I feel like we’ve both needed something like that.” Danica confessed. She took Mallory’s hand and they headed down the stairs and followed the mass of footprints from the departing Staff across the sand. Each of them kicked off their shoes and carried them. Even with the sun blazing in the sky, the sand was soft and cool underfoot - surely a part of the show’s artifice. Danica doubted they’d find snakes, or scorpions out there. She gently patted one as she passed, and found the cacti weren’t even sharp.

“I’m sorry.” Mallory said softly, low enough that Danica might not have heard it anywhere else but the open quiet. But it was enough. She squeezed Mallory’s hand and gave her a small smile, and saw the young woman’s expression lighten somewhat.

“You don’t need to apologize to me, but thank you regardless.” Danica said.

“I feel like I need to apologize to the audience.” Mallory wiped her eye and stiffened for a second, forcing herself not to break down a second time. “Did you see those results? They didn’t like me the first time, but I thought that would pass. I got worse, Mom. They hate me now.”

“They don’t hate you, Mallory.” Danica said with the lack of conviction of a mother trying to reassure her daughter despite knowing it is true. They really do. Jesus, do they ever.

“They do, Mom.” Said Mallory, with the firmness of a daughter old enough to see through that trick.

“...Yes, ok you might be right there. But that doesn’t mean it’s over.” If Danica couldn’t comfort her with a lie, maybe it was time for the hard truth. “You can be a hard person to love sometimes, but people do love you. Michael… Janet…” Danica stopped herself when she saw how Mallory recoiled at the names. That was poor timing. She kicked herself, realizing she’d pushed Mallory further into her funk.

Danica paused, to let Mallory come to her. Chasing her would only make her defensive, and Danica thought it was working. Mallory looked for a moment like she was grappling with something inside her. Like she was fighting to keep down words that were forcing their way past her lips. “I fucked Trent.” Mallory pulled away from Danica’s hand and stomped off the path away from her, screaming furiously into the emptiness.

“Wait a second!” Danica jogged to catch up to the taller woman, her overly endowed body bouncing uncomfortably with each stride.

“The viewers made me say that!” She yelled over her shoulder, continuing to walk quickly away.

“How could they do that? The viewers don’t control us,” Danica tried to remember the change they’d made to Mallory back at the drive-in, but even though it was only a few minutes earlier the memory was already fuzzy and incoherent. “Mallory! Stop!” She firmly grabbed Mallory’s arm and held her until she stopped trying to pull it away. “But is it true? What you said?”

“...Yes.” Mallory said. “They made me say it, but it’s the truth.”

“Oh God, Mal…” He’d been out of their lives for years, but every so often Danica caught a glimpse of Mallory’s father Greg in her. Danica had never caught him cheating, he was far too cagey to ever slip up like that. But his self-absorption and his narcissism gave Danica more than enough to suspect him, and despite Michael and her best efforts, some of those bad traits had made it through to Mallory. “Does she know?”

“No. But the way I can’t stop myself from blurting things out, she will soon enough.”

“I still don’t understand what you mean by that, but maybe this is an opportunity.”

“How in the world is this an opportunity?!”

“You told me, right?” Danica waved her arms around, gesturing to the open space. “That means the voters know, they heard you say it. They hear and see everything here.”

“That’s gonna make it worse!”

“Not necessarily. People can be forgiving. Even the voters on this show.” Danica said. “I wasn’t doing well either, but I went up there and apologized to Michael…and well, you saw it on the scoreboard and the votes. People like a redemption story.” Mallory blushed but Danica did not. Once she was in ‘hard truth’ mode, there was no point in going soft.

“I just apologize to her and that’s it?”

Danica spun Mallory around and held her daughter’s shoulders to look her dead in the eyes. “Of course not. It’s a redemption story, Mallory. The apology is only the first part.” And I still have more to go.

“And then?”

“Penance.”