Bachelorette Party.

“You're sure you don't want a bachelor party?” Your soon-to-be wife reaches from behind and helps you fix your tie as you look at each other in the mirror.

Turning around you lean against the bureau and take your gorgeous girlfriend into your arms. “Honey, really? Can you see me at a strip club?”

“No.” She nods, “but I fell guilty.”

“Don't.” You smile. “Look, some of the guys are coming over tomorrow night and we are going to order pizza and watch some old Jackie Chan Hong Kong chop-socky flicks, that will be fine for me.”

“You're such a dork.” Selina leans in close and gives you a passionate kiss.

“Go, have a great time.” You rest your forehead against hers. “I'm glad you're going to see your Gotham friends, I know you had to give up a lot to move here to Metropolis.”

“Thank you." She lays her head against your chest. "But, you didn't have to get dressed up.”

“My mother always said, 'first impressions are the most lasting.'” You give your wife a quick kiss on her head.

Selina looks at you with that devilish grin that always strangely brings arousal and concern at the same time. “Oh, I guarantee you my friends are going to make an impression.”

As if on cue, your door bell rings. You have given a list of guests to the doorman downstairs so Selina's friends can go straight up to your apartment. Walking together you open the door and are greeted by a very attractive woman with long black hair. She wears black dress pants and a short black dress coat over a white collared shirt with a red tie.

“Zee!” Selina and the woman hug the way female friends always do. “I'm so, so, glad you could make it! I hope tonight won't be too crazy for you?”

“I know Barbara got cold feet, but to tell you the truth, I'm up for a good party.” The woman with the letter name gives a willing smile. “I promise a complete truce for tonight. Don't ask, don't tell.” She states causing both of them to laugh.

You find the use of the word “truce” a bit strange, but it must be some typical female drama between friends that you don't really want to know about.

“Oh, I'm so sorry.” Selina looks at you. “Zee, this is my fiance David Anderson. David, this is Zatanna Zatara.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Zatanna.” You shake Selina's friend's hand.

“All my friends call me 'Zee.' She smiles. “It's such a pleasure to meet you, Selina just raves about you.”

“I'm a lucky man. Please, come in.” You gesture to the living room and escort the two ladies who begin to chat away.

It's a relief that Selina's friend seems so normal. It makes you feel a bit bad that you had been worrying that her friends might be a bit challenging.

“Yeah, that's my man.” You catch the tail end of their conversation as Selina wraps an arm around your waist.

Zee looks at you with a smile. “You two make a beautiful couple.” And then walks over and takes Selina's hand and then yours. After looking you both in the eyes she looks upwards and invokes, “Sdrol fo Redro, sselb siht noinu htiw yoj, ytivegnol dna evol.”

After squeezing your hand Zee looks back at the two of you and gives a big grin, “I'm so happy for you two.”

“Thanks, Zee, that was beautiful.” Selina leans in and gives her friend hug as the door bell rings.

“I got it.” You let Selina have time with her friend, though that got a bit strange with the gibberish to the ceiling.

Opening your apartment door you're confronted by a tall attractive Chinese woman with a piercing glare. She is attired in gray pants, high black boots, a long black coat and a stunning crimson red and gold Chinese shirt whose buttons run down her left side.

“I am Sandra Wu-San,” she announces in fluent English but with a clear Chinese accent, “the Zhǐ Hóu, Shī Pó Fūrén. Are you the Anderson?”

“Umm.” Her sternness you find disconcerting, but you wish to give no cultural offense. “Yes, I am. I'm Selina's fiance.” After giving a slight bow you then extend your hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Ms. Wu-San looks at your hand, and then glances down at the placement of your feet, before glaring at you with disapproval. “Why would Māo nǚ want to breed with one who is her inferior in battle?”

“Umm . . . what?” You stutter, believing, or maybe hoping, you heard this scary Chinese woman wrong.

With speed that even greatly surpasses your very agile girlfriend Wu-San grabs your out stretched ring and middle finger with but her thumb and index finger and flips your hand over so your palm is face up. Instantaneously, she lifts your hand up, hyper-extending your wrist and drags you out into the hall as if were merely a piece of paper. Standing on your toes outstretch, with your elbow joint locked in great discomfort, you're frozen in place by her holding merely two of your fingers.

Looking at your palm Wu-San scowls even more. “This is not the hand of a warrior. Yes, there is dexterity to be found, but not from the swiftness of combat. You are soft, like an artist or a surgeon.”

For a moment you think of telling her about your second degree black belt in Aikido, or that Selina is the one who enjoys being tied up, but you quickly realize such a response might prove fatal. “I am a surgeon.” You simply answer, hoping she will put you down soon.

Applying the slightest pressure on your trapped fingers she sends shivers of pain through your nerves, forcing you to turn your head towards her. Staring at your face for several excruciating seconds the dragon lady final speaks, “One who heals is an honorable profession. And there is courage and honor in your eyes, I will give you that. I see also the weakness of goodness and compassion, which would make you unfit to sire my brood. However, I now see why the Māo nǚ has chosen you. You will bring honor, healing and balance to Māo nǚ's life, and for that I am grateful.”

Wu-San merely releases your fingers, which causes you to stumble several feet backwards as if you were launched sideways by some Olympic level judo throw. Selina catches you around the waist. She gives you a warm smile, as if this was all normal. Your fiancee then looks at Wu-San who is still waiting in the doorway. Giving a respectful bow, Selina states, “You honor us with your presence, Shiva Shifu, please come in.”

Taking one step inside your apartment, Wu-San then gracefully unties and slips off her black boots. Placing them neatly against the wall she bows to you and Selina. “It is an honor to be in your household, Tā zhìyùle and Māo nǚ.”

Giving a respectful bow you let Selina guide the scary dragon lady away into the living room as you wonder what was the meaning of the name she just gave you.

“Pheww.” You breath out while shaking your wrist, “Can't get any more crazy then that.”

“Kiitttyyyy!!!” A loud nasally female voice, with a Brooklyn accent, thunders behind you. Turning with great trepidation you seen a blonde with pale skin, bright red lips, and platinum blonde hair tied up in unruly pigtails, whose ends are dyed blue and pink. She wears ripped jeans and a white and red old t-shirt emblazoned with “Daddy's Lil Monster” in large letters. Her red and blue leather jacket is matched with studded bracelets and belt. Though attractive, in a punk rocker sort of way, there is a crazy look in her eyes that is most disconcerting.

Running past you the crazed woman shouts “Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!” with a maniacal bouncing gate and jumps into Selina's arms.

The two of them spin around. “It's good to see you Harley, I'm glad you could make it.” Your fiancee laughs.

“Thanks to your idea.” The jester like woman smiles, “Getting out of Arkham was a breeze.”

“Anytime.” Selina takes her friend by the hand and walks over to you. “Harley, I want you to meet my fiance, David Anderson. David, this is my dear friend Harleen Quinzel.”

Remembering the last time you offered your hand to one of Selina's friends, you give a quick nod, “Hello.”

“Hubba hubba!” The crazy woman looks you over and then slaps you in the ass. “This ones a keeper!”

“Um.” You have no idea how to respond.

“So, cat-catcher-man, what do you do?”

“Um . . . I'm . . . I'm a doctor.”

“A doctor?! Yeahhhhh!!!!!” The psychotic woman jumps up in the air raising her arms in celebration. I'm a doctor too! We can be superfriends!” She trusts out her fist towards you, “Wonder Doctor Powers Activate!”

“Um.”

“You're leaving me hanging doc.” The crazy blonde grumbles in a low whisper. She then slides up against you, “Unless you want to play doctor?” She asks in the cringiest bedroom voice you have ever heard come from a beautiful woman.

“Umm!” You look over to Selina for help, but she is holding her mouth with her hands trying not to laugh.

“What type of doc are you?” The loon asks while still leaning against you.

“I'm a pediatric surgeon.”

“A kids' doctor!” She spins about again clapping her hands. “I love kids' doctors, they always have candy!” She grabs her hands together and slightly bends over with big eyes as if she is some crazed beggar from a Dickens' novel gone horrible wrong. “Do you have candy?”

“Um.”

“Lollipops! Lollipops! Lollipops!” She jumps up and around again. “Kid doctors always have lollipops! I want the big one!” She jumps at you and thrusts her hands into your jacket pockets. “I want my sucker!”

Mercifully, Selina ends your suffering. “Come on Harley.” She takes the clown by the arm and drags her away. “There's some candy in the kitchen.”

“What the heck!” You grumble as you fix your tie and jacket. “What's next?”

“Dr. Anderson?” A deep and sultry voice grabs your attention. “Dr. David Anderson?”

Looking around you see a drop dead gorgeous aristocratic looking redhead wearing a stunning forest green and black highlighted dress, with some exotic flowers in her hair, standing in the doorway.

“Um.” You're taking back by her beauty as she walks towards you.

Watching every inch of her magnificent statuesque voluptuous frame approach, you have never seen such an attractive woman, save maybe for your fiancee.

“I'm Dr. Pamela Isley.” You hang on every sensual syllable she speaks while drawing closer to you. “It is such a pleasure to meet you.”

Taking a deep breath in you smell a perfume you have never experienced before. It's the sweetest fairest thing you have ever sensed. Your mind begins to cloud as thinking becomes difficult, as you're overwhelmed by her presence.

Her eyes are emerald, and are far richer and deeper in color than Selina's. And her hair, you have always had a secret thing for redheads, and Isley's hair is so long and lush, unlike the short dull dark strains, of . . . of . . . “what was her name again?” You ask out loud. Staring at this viridian clad goddess's lips you have never wanted to kiss a woman as much as you do this woman. Truly, she is your one true . . .

Shaking your head you clear your thoughts and take a step back. Glaring at this whore you angrily demand, “What are you doing?!”

“Few men have such will.” Isley gives you an approving nod. “You really do love her. Good, for your sake.”

“Pam, I see you're here.” Selina wraps her arms around yours. “Harley's in the living room, she's dying to see you.”

As the scarlet haired witch walks by, Selina in a monotone voice states, “Play nice.”

Selina then looks up at you and gives you a kiss. “Did I tell you, that I love you?”

Looking at your beautiful fiancee you ask, “Please tell me this is your whole wedding party?”

“The gangs all here.” She nods, come on, let me see if the car is here and then we will get out of your hair.

“Car?” You inquire as your bride-to-be takes you into the living room.

You notice the crazy rocker chick and the harlot are talking close as if their lovers; and the complexities of that relationship you don't even want to ponder. The dragon lady and the nice one with the gibberish are playing a game of mahjong on an exquisite antique board that you have no idea where it came from. Equally strange, there is a black top hat laying next to it. Getting to the widow you look down from your second story apartment and see Frank the doorman standing next to a 1959 black Cadillac Deville four door sedan convertible, with tons of chrome and purple fins and a purple interior trim.

“You rented a car for your bachelorette party, good for you!” You give your girlfriend and pleased hug.

“Yeah, rented.” She mumbles.

“Selina?” You give your future wife that knowing glare. “You promised to give up your night job.”

“But sweetie.” She gives you that impish look that you now find more adorable than ever. “A bachelorette party is my last chance of freedom before I become a kept woman.”

“I guess.” You sigh. “Off to one of those all girl clubs?”

“Pfft.” Selina gives you that “you're a dork” look. “We're going party, Gotham style.”

She spins around and gives you a hug as she looks over her friends. “Just imagine the wedding.”

You lose all color in your face as you think of your friends and family mixing with Selina's crew.

Selina gives you a big kiss. “I love you. Don't wait up for me.” Grabbing a bottle of champagne she trusts the **** high into the air and yells, “Girls night out!”

The redheaded whore, the crazy chick and the nice one jump up and scream the same. The dragon lady puts on sun glasses.

As the five woman strut out singing “Sweet Emotion” by Aerosmith, you shake your head with a disapproving smile and head off to take a relaxing shower and to wash off that wicked perfume scent that still lingers on you.

. . .

After a good half an hour long soak you wander out into your living room in your bathrobe because of the wail of police sirens. Looking out of the widow you see numerous police cars and a SWAT truck screaming down the street going the direction the Cadillac was pointing. Looking down the road you can barely make out LexCorp tower in the distance. Smoke is billowing from the top penthouse level. As you try to get a better look you see what you think is a strange bird in the sky. Looking up, you then think it's a plane, and then you realize its Superman, flying towards the tower. It's the first time you have seen this strange visitor from another planet.

Shaking your head, you wander off to bed.