B.A.P.S in 2002, reimagined. A Princess Story.

The original B.A.P.S. was not well received. It was treated poorly in reviews, having a terrible score online, and also lost money on a tiny budget. How someone could do that with Halle Berry and the cast they had is hard to accept, so you endeavor to use the remote control to improve this work, and to do it quite drastically.

And that means a major redesign.

The film was thought by some to be a farcical take on Pretty Woman, so you go a bit with that, and also a real take on a black American princess, the meaning of the original title.

To start you recast some of the film, but primarily you remove Martin Landau and replace him with Jack Nicholson, knowing his star power added to Halle’s will give this film much more traction in theaters.

You then cast Rosario Dawson as her female counterpart in the film, playing her best friend throughout the course of the movie. In addition, the assistant to the wealthy old man is now played by Paul Giamatti, an award wining actor known for stealing the show in supporting roles. And lastly you add Stanley Tucci, Jack’s assistant who runs the mansion much of the film takes place in, another award winning actor known to steal any scene he is in.

The film still shows Halle working at a diner and not being treated well, along with her friend, now played by Rosario Dawson.

They walk up on their boyfriends, who are depicted as just as big a set of losers as in the original film. And as the two young men show no responsibility and little interest in bettering themselves, they both get dumped on the spot. And you see a man in the back seat of a very nice Mercedes watching the exchange, and you show this to be Paul Giamatti, who has a folder with pictures and information on Halle.

And he takes note when they decide to get to LA for the tryout, using what little they have saved but also pawning much of what they have of value to fund the trip.

“Tell the boss she is headed to LA,” Giamatti says into a cell phone. “We can talk to them there, and we have a property in Beverly Hills already, get he boss on a plane as soon as you can.”

You show Halle and Rosario in Atlanta, Georgia trying to board a plane, and you depict the TSA quite poorly. In your film they are power mad perverts, and you show them call out both women for enhanced searches, where male TSA agents take turns fondling and groping Halle and Rosario. It is a brief scene, but a sexy one as the two beautiful women are felt up in public.

As the film continues, Halle and Rosario fly to LA to try out for a tryout to be video girls for $10,000, and when they get there they find it is an audition for the video girls for rap videos, now famous for being essentially prostitutes.

But beyond being willing to fuck for the job, the girls have to have the right look, and they also need to be able to dance. And while Halle and Rosario have the right look, they aren’t dancers, and when their audition for the parts involves a fat old black man in a robe dropping it and sitting naked before the two women on a sofa, their audition ends rather poorly.

Rosario gets quite angry, and gets them both thrown out by security, while hurling explosives and insults at the man who thought they would both fuck him for the part.

As they leave the studio, disappointed and broke, another very nice car pulls up, this time a brand new Mercedes S500 limousine.

Paul Giamatti steps out, and does his best to charm the two young women, “ladies…I can’t help but notice you are walking away from the studio looking a bit down, I think I have an offer for you that will brighten your day.”

He explains there is another music video which needs two young and beautiful women, and he tells them they fit the bill. If they would be willing to ride along to a mansion not far away, they could be paid today.

That’s to get them in the car, where Halle and Rosario enjoy the ride and some Champaign during the drive. When they get there and see a massive Beverly Hills Mansion, and no music videos being made, Rosario again gets worked up, she doesn’t like being lied to.

Paul Giamatti flashes a smile, and a guard hands him two thick envelopes, which he hands to the women.

“I wasn’t lying about the money,” he says as they open the envelopes and see quite a lot of cash in hundreds. “$10,000 each, and more to follow, another $10,000 if you will do a different sort of job for me.”

He then explains that the mansion is owned by an aging man who is quite ill, and thought to have only weeks to live. The man was looking for the granddaughter of an African woman he had a love affair with some forty years before,

“He is looking for someone he thinks is his granddaughter, and Nini, you fit the age and likely description. We haven’t found her, but he wants to be around the last of his family before he dies.” Giamatti explains. “We are still looking, is she exists, but we need someone now, and your friend can stay here with you if she wants to. And we will pay you $1,000 a week each to stay and help the old man with his loneliness, and another $10,000 each when this is finished and it is time to go home”.

“You mean when he dies, you want us to keep an old man company on his death bed for cash?” Rosario asks in a sneering tone.

“He has more energy than you think, he isn’t bed ridden ladies,” Paul Gianatti counters. “Take the money, enjoy the mansion for a few weeks, all of your costs are covered while you are here, this is all pure profit for you…”

The two girls are depicted as not being well educated, and start talking over how much money is involved, and Giamatti interrupts them. “$41,000 ladies, should it last three weeks as expected, $41,000.” He says this with a very self-approving grin on his face.

“Jesus Nina, $41,000 split two ways, that is some really good money to just hang around an old guy….” Rosario says in reply, and Paul Giamatti winces at her math skills.

“Each, ladies…that would be $41,000 each.” He replies, then he sees them using their fingers to try and add it up, he sighs and continues. “$82,000 between you, $41,000 each, even more if the old man lasts longer…”

That does it for them, they accept on the spot, and are taken in to meet the old man. Paul Giamatti is shown trying to get himself centered again, thrown off by their abysmal educations.

Halle and Rosario then are taken to meet Jack Nicholson, playing the old wealthy man, and he is upstairs in his study. He is interested to meet Rosario Dawson, because fuck was she among the most beautiful humans on the planet in 2002, but even more so for Halle, who was thought to be even higher on that list.

“Ladies, welcome to my humble abode,” Jack says in his well known cadence. “Please…make yourselves at home, mi casa su casa as they say in your neck of the woods.” He says to Rosario.

“The lower East Side of Manhattan?” She replies with a sarcastic tone.

Jack just laughs it off, “and you darling, what do you know of your parents and grandparents?” He says to Halle, Leann g the question to hang in the air.

“Never met my dad, mom says pops died just after I was born. My mom died last year, I had grandparents, all in Atlanta, but they are all gone now.” She replies, making a somber face. Jack Nicholson however is still grinning, as is his way. Halle turns the question back to Jack.

“So what about you, where do you come from?” Halle asks sweetly.

“I come from a tiny little country a long ways away, one you girls have probably never heard of,” Jack replies. “Liechtenstein, a little country in the Alps between Switzerland and Austria.”

“You are a long way from then,” Rosario replies.” Farther than we are.”

“I am on holiday ladies, just enjoying a summer away from the mountains, the cold up there doesn’t always feel good to old bones.” He replies.

“So they tell me you might be related to me,” he continues to Halle. “I had a love affair a long time ago with a woman in LA, looked a lot like you do, went by the same name as your grandmother on your fathers’s side.”

“Grammy Helen?” Halle replies.

Jack smiles and nods, “you might have known her as Helen, I knew her as Hlengiwe, her mother was Ntfombi, the wife of the king and ruler of Swaziland.” Rosario and Halle’s mouths hang open, shocked at the revelation.

“Why would that matter, you ask?” He continues, “well I just wanted to be around family at the end, and with my dumbass if a son getting himself killed snowboarding off of a fucking cliff, you are the next closest thing we could find to a direct relative.”

“Uncles, cousins, other kids?” Halle asks, “a wife maybe?”

“No luck on all counts darling,” Jack Nicholson replies.

Halle leans in and gives the old man a hug, and then Rosario joins her, but with some hesitation.

Then Stanley Tucci shows Halle and Rosario to their quarters for the duration of their stay, rooms with dressing areas, studies and private bathrooms. Their personal rooms are bigger than any apartment either had lived in to date.

Then Tucci gives them a tour of the property, with a massive kitchen they have access to, a small gym, a pool and hot tub, among other amenities. It is indeed a fantastic house.

The film continues and you show Jack Nicholson take Halle and Rosario on an extravagant shopping trip, where he buys them pretty much anything they want, and where they fill their closets at the mansions with sexy and tight fitting clothing, as was seen in the original film.

From this point Halle wears the skin tight clothing that showed off her ass so well in the original release, and so does Rosario Dawson.

Then Jack takes them out for a fine dinner at an elegant French restaurant, then to a night club where the ladies really get to let loose, but while Rosario keeps to herself, Halle dances with and spends her time with Jack Nicholson.

The next day they lounge at a very large pool, with Halle playing pool basketball with Jack Nicholson, who is in pretty good physical condition for this film, wearing a bikini much like in the original B.A.P.S film, except a bit tighter, and with her more muscular body and bigger tits as you have given her in edits, and being younger, (Halle Berry was 32 at the time of the original B.A.P.S film, even though she looked to be in her young 20’s) Halle Berry being 19 in his film, the bikini looks even better now.

And at one point when she raises her hands to playfully block a shot, in close while defending against Jack, her top fastener fails, and it pops not just open, but all the way off of her, leaning on Rosario Dawson, who is lounging in the pool on a flotation device getting some sun.

Halle’s big tits are in Jack’s face when it happens, and there is a big smile on his face. Stanley Tucci is at poolside in case something is needed, and Paul Giamatti has just walked up, and both of them are shown to be stunned at how great Halle’s tits are.

Halle reaches for her bikini top, covering herself at first, but then Rosario, seeing the reactions of the three men and enjoying it, flips the bikini top out of the pool towards Stanley Tucci, “let the girls have some air Nini,” she says with a smile, taking her top off as well. “This is a beautiful place, let’s not get all hung up on being proper babe…”

Rosario then sees that Stanley Tucci is staring at her tits and not Halle’s, and she smiles and winks at him, and he is stunned to have been caught staring, and to have gotten such a good response.

This scene then plays out with the two girls topless, giving a long look at both of them half naked in the sun.

The film moves on, and you show Halle and Jack Nicholson growing close, and Rosario getting close to Stanley Tucci, but you also show Paul Giamatti angry about it.

Then the night after the pool scene, Halle ends up in Jack Nicholson’s room, where he is resting from the busy day and they speak on their lives. Halle describes the day to day life in Decatur, Georgia, the life of a poor American at the time being nothing to brag about. But while lacking any wealth, she does seem happy about it, and thus makes Jack Nicholson smile.

He describes growing up wealthy in Liechtenstein, a tiny European country. Spending his youth in Alps, in beautiful medieval towns and castles, and traveling all over Europe.

But he mentions how he would agree that wealth doesn’t buy happiness, as it can’t buy you true love, and doesn’t keep you warm when you are lonely.

“So you aren’t married?” Halle asks him, laying her head on his shoulder gently in support.

“I was,” he replies. “Her name was Marie, she died a few years ago…”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Halle replies, speaking in a whisper, as the older man seems close to sleeping.

“Don’t be sorry for me Nini,” he replies with a light laugh. “She was my cousin, it was an arranged marriage…we were together for 27 years, and we never loved each other.”

Halle’s eyes open in surprise, “27 years and you never loved her? How is that even possible?”

“Oh it happens in the arranged sort of marriage, where your parents and her parents think the match will be good for both families,” he answers. “We had kids, but she was never warm, and outside of pubic appearances we were rarely in the same country, much less the same room.”

Halle seems astounded, so he keeps going. “It’s true darling, I lived in my family’s ancestral home, and she moved back to her family home in Austria, and neither of us missed the other in any romantic way. Over Many years she had lovers and I had lovers, and when our son passed away, our last living child, well she didn’t last much long.” He says in a somber tone. “Our daughters died when they were infants, our son died a few years ago in the alps while skiing…and a stroke got Marie in the end. I didn’t even find out about it till the day of her funeral when it was too late to attend…her family’s last ‘fuck you’ they could give me.”

They are quiet on screen for a long minute, then Halle kisses Jack softly, then it becomes a French kiss, then much more. What follows is an erotic sex scene. It is hardcore, but is performed quite gently and lovingly.

The scene is framed and shot to demonstrate genuine feelings the two unlikely lovers have for each other. Halle is shown sleeping in Jack’s arms, both of them naked.

You then show Rosario Dawson hitting it off even more with Stanley Tucci, having a private dinner with just the two of them in his office within the mansion, and what is shown between them is different. Less loving and caring, and more animal attraction.

There is an awkward silence between them, a stare between them were they lock eyes, and a long moment where you see a hunger on both of their faces. Then Rosario leans in and kisses Tucci quite aggressively while quickly taking off her shirt and bra, leaning back to show him her tits as she squeezes them.

“Like what you see?” She asks in a sexy tone, and he just nods yes. “My turn to see something…something big and hard for me I hope…”

As Rosario says this, she lays Stanely Tucci back on his desk and runs her hands over the bulge in the front of them and smirks, “big and hard indeed…” she says as she opens the front of his pants, pulls his cock out and begins to suck it hard without any hesitation.

What follows for then is a much more aggressive sex scene, where Stanely Tucci and Rosario Dawson do their best not to make a lot of noise, as other people are in the mansion, but their lust pushes them it k a very hard fuck.

Inside the room you show Tucci with Rosario bent over the desk pounding away doggy style, and outside the room you show Paul Giamatti listening to the slapping of their skin and Rosario’s moans as she gets fucked.

It finishes with a messy cum facial, as Tucci has Rosario on her back and is fucking her in the missionary position and lets her know he is getting close, and Rosario doesn’t break eye contact as she slides off the desk to her knees and orders him to cum all over her face.

“Cum oh my face you bald motherfucker…” she hisses in a near whisper. “I want it, I want your hot cum all over me baby.”

And Stanely Tucci does as she tells him to, with a quite large cumshot, with one spurt of cum going into her mouth, and three more going on her hair and forehead, one on the side of her face by her left eye, and the last on her mouth and nose.

Cum is dripping off of her chin as Rosario smiles up at her new lover, “good boy…” she whispers as she begins to lick and suck his cock clean.

“Fuck…what happened there,” he says as he sits down in his comfortable chair. “I promise you Mickey, I didn’t plan that…”

“I planned it baby,” she says softly, sitting on his lap naked and kissing his bald forehead, her big tits near his face. “And that won’t be the last time, I am fucking guaranteeing that…my room or yours, every night, ok baby?”

You show Stanely Tucci, and he looks tense. “Darling, you are a guest of the old man, I am his employee, this is quite improper…”

She leans down and looks him in the eyes and smiles, “I could care less baby, and so could the old man…he has his eyes on Nina…not on us.”

You show the door is slightly open, and Paul Giamatti is watching in anger. He walks upstairs and looks in on his boss, and he sees Halle Berry naked and laying on Jack Nicholson’s chest.

“Fuck…” he says quietly as he moves to his own room. “You two whores think you can ruin all I have planned? Not likely you two bitches…” He laughs lightly and scoffs, then gets into bed himself.

The next day Paul Giamatti plays nice and polite with them, and gets the two young women in the limousine for a lunch on the town. They drive away and only after they are well away from the mansion he yells at them, “you two fucking bitches!” He shouts, stunning them.

“You are not here to whore around with the staff, or to try and be anything real to Hans! You are only here to keep him company at the end of his life…nothing more!” He shouts.”I hate to break it to you sister…but you aren’t related to some obscure African royalty, and you aren’t related to the old man…I fucking made that up!”

“He is an old pervert ok? He likes beautiful young women of the…ethnic variety…” he continues. “So I picked you because you have nice tits and dark skin, not for any other fucking reason!”

Giamatti is obviously worked up, but it doesn’t bother Halle and Rosario too much. He composes himself and continues, “just do the fucking job, and make some money, and then go back to the hood rat life I pulled you from. If you want to lay on your back and fuck for money, do it back there, not with my boss.”

“Hell, do it right here, if you want to sell your bodies I will pay to fuck both of you right here and now…double the original offer,” he says harshly. “Both of you fuck me right now and you can walk away with quite a lot of money in your hands.”

The girls don’t even consider the offer, looking at each other then back at the angry man sitting across from them. Giamatti smiles and starts to unbuckle his belt, and Halle stops him, “I can speak for both of us, you can go fuck yourself white boy.”

Rosario has a wide eyed and angry look on her face, and says nothing while flipping him off. Paul Giamatti starts to speak again, but decides to keep quiet as both of the young women across from him are eying him dangerously.

The limo is quiet on the drive back, and it is silent. What Paul Giamatti said stung both of the girls, and when they are dropped back off at the mansion, Paul Giamatti is back to his boisterous and jovial self as if nothing had happened, but Halle and Rosario are obviously not, they are clearly down about something.

When they get back, you show Paul Giamatti storm into the house and summon Stanley Tucci to his office, and from then other side of the door you hear Giamatti screaming at Tucci, and you eventually show the bitter little man storm off and get into a car and leave. Only then showing Stanley Tucci leaving, seeming stunned before regaining his composure.

The movie continues and says pass, and you show that Halle and Rosario don’t speak to Paul Giamatti at all. But while Rosario and Tucci keep their distance, Halle Berry and Jack Nicholson do not, as Halle begins to spend her nights in Jack’s bed.

You show this quickly as days pass, and it seems Jack Nicholson is more tired and has less energy by the day, and soon he has to pass on sex with Halle, telling her he just doesn’t have it in him that night.

“I enjoy your company Nina,” he says softly. “I truly do, but tonight I need some space to rest darling, just for tonight, ok?”

“There is something I need to tell you, about who I really am,” she says softly, her lips not far from his.

“In time Nini, all in good time,” he answers. “Not tonight…”

Halle softly kisses the older man on the lips and forces a smile, then heads back to her own room, and you show that Paul Giamatti is watching from a dark corner, and you show an evil smile on his face as he sees her walk back to her room in sadness.

The next morning, Stanley Tucci finds the two young women in the gym where they are working out, and tells them they need to come with him quickly, and they find a doctor and two nurses in Jack’s room tending to him.

They want to get to him and speak to him, but he is out of it, not responsive at all. There are machines connected to him, with one monitoring his vitals, beeping steadily with his heartbeat.

“What the fuck happened?” Halle asks Stanley Tucci in a whisper, “he seemed tired by ok last night…”

Stanley Tucci looks Halle in the eyes and stammers a bit, “we just don’t know…they stabilized him, and they are running tests…to see if he stays here or we go to hospital.”

You show a cross look from Rosario, as she stares at Stanley Tucci. She seems suspicious, but he tells them to give the old man some room, and then quickly makes his way out of the room. On the side they see Paul Giamatti, who looks like he is having trouble restraining joy, as he gives them an evil look before looking at Jack Nicholson with a wide smile.

As he walks by them he briefly pauses, “looks like it is time for you two bitches to pack…and it won’t take long. You can leave everything you didn’t bring with you.” He hisses this to them in a whisper before he ushers them out of the room, “off you go whores…” he says in an ugly and dismissive tone.

Then they hear the flatline, as the machine monitoring Jack’s heartbeat shows it has stopped beating. The doctor and the nurses are shown to be performing CPR, and Paul Giamatti nearly celebrates. The two young women look at Jack and then walk to their rooms in sadness.

Halle is shown walking down the stairs, in the clothing she wore when they arrived, and she finds Rosario having a tough conversation with Stanley Tucci. As Halle walks by she hears a moment of it, “there is something you aren’t telling me…” she says, leaning in close to Tucci, who seems pained not to tell her.

“Darling, I promise you,” he says making eye contact with Rosario. “You will be told everything soon, for now I beg of you to be patient…please trust me.”

“What, as me and Nina are on a plane back home?” She asks harshly, “that little angry fuck already gave us our plane tickets…said we have to be in the limousine in ten minutes or he will have us arrested.”

Stanley Tucci takes her hands, then forces a small smile, “you will be ok, and this will not be the last time you see me my darling Mickey…”

With that Halle and Rosario walk to the limousine and Paul Giamatti meets them, with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Well then, you know how they say parting is sweet sorrow?” He says sarcastically, “well you two uneducated niggers wouldn’t fucking know, but in this case, well for my part no sorrow for me.”

“You got our fucking money?” Rosario says roughly, obviously full of emotion.

Paul Giamatti laughs, “what money? You stupid bitches…let me teach you a lesson you should really try hard to remember, maybe you should write it down…anyway, always get it in writing. If it isn’t in writing it doesn’t exist, like the money you seem to think I owe you.”

Rosario and Halle look at each other and then back at Paul Giamatti, shocked, and he just laughs.

“You get nothing! Nothing but the plane ride home, nothing at all. I mean check your purses, I think it may be possible you ‘lost’ the money I gave you before in all the confusion when the old man finally died.” He says with a smile and a laugh as they both check their handbags, and both make fists to go after him.

“Do it, Shaquita and Shanuiqua…whatever your fucking names are,” he says happily. “Two minority whores from the hood attack a rich white man, a diplomat from another country with diplomatic immunity? I go home and you two bitches go to prison. I might even have some drugs planted on you for good measure.”

Paul Giamatti gets very animated as he speaks, “want some ice to be found? Some weed? Some Columbian white? I can arrange it if you want to fuck with me.”

The two young women drop their gazes, they know they are beaten, “off you go whores…” he says in glee.

The two women get into the limousine and it pulls away, and you see they are both near to tears. Ripped off, lied to, and in the end both of them fell for someone and lost them in a few days.

The limousine pulls out on onto Mapleton, then onto Sunset Blvd, taking what they think is a long drive to the airport, but then the car slows to a stop and the blacked out partition comes down. When it is down, Stanley Tucci leans into the window with a smile, “hungry ladies? I could go for some lunch, on me if you want to join me…” he says happily.

Halle and Rosario smile, and cat is then shown at a posh restaurant not far down Sunset Blvd, and Stanley Tucci is shown to be explaining a few things.

“As I said, it isn’t my tale to tell, Hans can tell you the rest,” Tucci is shown explaining to them. “But Hans is the ruler of Liechtenstein, the actual hereditary monarch, and things are the way they are because that is how he wanted them.”

“And the angry little fucker, Isaac?” Halle asks.

“Well let’s just say that the boss knew of some things Isaac was trying to do,” Stanley Tucci says very properly. “And he chose to deal with it here, at the same time as trying to get to know you Nini.”

“But that was all bullshit, Isaac said he made it up…” Halle replies, and Stanley Tucci sips his espresso and scoffs.

“Isaac thought it was a fabrication, but things are not all as he thought it was,” he said, leaving it at that.

Halle and Rosario look at each other, not at all sure how to take all of this.

“When we finish our lunch, we will head back to the mansion and Hans will explain things to you,” Tucci says, again quote properly. “What was going to happen with Isaac, well Hans wanted to handle that as privately as he could. We will go back as soon as I am asked to bring you home.”

“Home?” Halle and Rosario ask at the same time.

“Yes darlings,” he replies. “If you want the mansion to be your home, it is.”

Now the scene changes to the mansion, where Paul Giamatti is in Jack’s office, with his feet up on the desk smoking a cigar, and he is on the phone.

“Yeah, everything is in place, the old man died ‘mysteriously’ without an heir and I am in line to be deputy Prime Minister when all of this sorts out,” he says with a grin. “It will be worth it, I am being well paid for this little power struggle baby…and we will be sitting at the head of the table in government when it is done.”

“Yes, I am divorcing my wife,” he continues, obviously talking to a mistress. “We can be together after that, without Hans’s antiquated views on the subject being involved.”

Just then the double doors to the office are opened quite loudly, Paul Giamatti stands up quite startled as Jack Nicholson walks in wearing a sharp black suit, with what looks like two bodyguards right behind him, the two guards circle the desk and stand behind Paul Giamatti.

“Isaac, Isaac, Isaac…you have been busy, haven’t you?” Jack says in his trademark booming and disarming tone. Paul Giamatti start to speak and Jack slams his hand on the desk with a loud bang, “I already know everything cocksucker, don’t bother denying any of it! As a matter of fact, don’t bother saying anything at all!”

Paul Giamatti is pale now, and looks quite fearful, “I need to speak to my lawyer…” he says meekly.

“You have been watching too much TV Isaac,” Jack Nicholson growls at him. “I am the fucking monarch of Liechtenstein! And you didn’t pull this shit back home!”

Jack leans in close, towering over Paul Giamatti, “du hast es vermasselt, Isaac, jetzt lernst du ein paar Leute kennen, die ich im US-Außenministerium kenne…”

“This might have gone better for you, but you had to go and mistreat Nini and her friend,” Jack Nicholson says, his voice rising. “That is the future Queen of Liechtenstein! If she will have me after what you pulled…and I’m told you offered her money to have sex with you, and called her a whore? That is well over the line Isaac!”

The two guards start to drag Paul Giamatti out of the room with Jack following them, and he shouts back at Jack, “where are you taking me? I have rights!”

“Wherever the US state department chooses to send you, to find out who all knew about this, stood to profit from this, and helped you with this coup attempt.” Jack says after getting very close to Giamatti. “Your family will be informed of what you did, and if your arrest. They will be sent back to your wife’s family in Switzerland. And as you started divorce proceedings already, I wouldn’t expect any sympathy from them asshole.”

“That doesn’t have to happen!” Paul Giamatti screams, “I will tell it all, no need for anyone else to be involved!”

Jack Nicholson acts like he can’t hear him, and the guards don’t stop dragging Paul Giamatti, and they take him to the garage where a Mercedes is waiting with the trunk lid open. He is bound and gagged and tossed in the back, and the two guards leave without another word.

The next scene shown is when the limousine with Stanley Tucci and the ladies pulls back up to the mansion, and they are greeted by Jack Nicholson, still in the very well fitting black suit.

You show the four of them sitting on a balcony overlooking Beverly Hills taking over some champagne, and Jack Nicholson explains things.

“I knew Isaac was up to something, and I played along. He had been trying to give me some sort of drug for months…my people caught on immediately, he meant to end my life before an heir could be found.” Jack explains to them. “I was coming here to handle this around the time we found you Nini, so we handled both at the same time…and it had some benefits.”

“Benefits?” Halle asks, “what would anyone benefit from me and Mickey being involved?”

“So you truly are my grand daughter Nini, we had your DNA tested, your grandmother is the woman I remembered,” Jack replies. “Her father was the king of Swaziland, a degenerate with seventy wives. Know how he got to seventy? He fucked his own daughters, again and again, and he married the ones who got pregnant.”

“I met the woman you knew as Helen at a diplomatic function when Swaziland recognized Liechtenstein, we fell in love, but I was already betrothed to my ex…it would have caused a scandal that might have brought down our monarchy.”

“I couldn’t leave her to have her father breed her and marry her, so I helped her to come to America, to give her a chance,” he continues. “And for that chance, the world got you Nini, and you are every bit as beautiful as your grandmother, and like her you have a good heart.”

“Now surely you know that wealthy people struggle to find love, don’t you?” Jack Nicholson continues to a captive audience. “That is why I needed you to think I was just a regular rich old guy who was dying. And Stanley here can’t lie for shit, so he knew, but someone else had to be the one to introduce you. Enter Isaac, who it turns out is a terrible human being who enjoys causing others hardship.”

After a pause to drink some champagne, he continues, “I wasn’t looking for an heir Nini, under our law a woman cannot ever rule, our royal line would end when I died. We have ruled Liechtenstein since it was founded in 1719, I would rather not be the last of us.”

Halle gives him an odd look, then Jack Nicholson continues, “if you will have me, I am looking for someone to be by my side, and God willing to give Liechtenstein an heir to the throne.” Jack takes another drink form his champagne, “I know this is a lot to take in Nini, but with who I am, this is an all in kind of situation, monarchs don’t get to date casually. You don’t have to say yes right now, and you are welcome to come visit Liechtenstein with me first, see how it is there, but that is in the end what I am offering.”

“So I am actually your granddaughter?” Halle asks, speaking slowly. “Like blood relative…you are my grandpa, my mother’s dad? And we…in your bed, we had fucked?”

“Yes, we did that, and yes I am your grandfather,” Jack replies. “But that is not the same genetically as parent to child or sibling to sibling incest, I mean for fucks sake my wife was my cousin…that is kind of a feature with royalty for all of the rules involved.”

“Rules? You are a king, what rules do you have?” Rosario asks, Halle isn’t talking, being freaked out for having fucked her grandfather.

“We all have rules Mickey, all of us,” Jack replies. “Liechtenstein is a constitutional monarchy, and I follow rules my predecessors have chosen, and that our Lantag voted on…what you might think of as parliament or congress, and we hold referendums where our citizens vote. I follow those rules, I’m not Henry the 8th doing whatever I damned well please.”

“And the rules say my heir has to be from noble blood on both sides,” Jack continues. “Let me explain…”

“If a child were born from me and a commoner, the child would be a commoner and not eligible to inherit title. If the child were born to someone of a questioned lineage, there are those in our government who would never accept that child, and they would not likely inherit title,” Jack continues.

“Your great grandfather was the king of Swaziland, Sobhuza II, and your great grandmother was Ntfombi, their queen regent and mother of their current king and ruler.”

“So your grandmother Hlengiwe, or Helen as you know her, had a rock solid lineage,” he continues. “And so did your mother, as I am your father, and my royal lineage can be traced back to the 1100’s.”

“But my father, doesn’t that matter? I never met the motherfucker…he bailed on us before I was born,” Halle replies, “At least that’s what mom always said.”

“So you know what happened the year you were born?” Jack says causally, “the 1984 Olympic summer games, and at the time your family lived in LA…know what happens when the Olympics come to town? Let’s just say nine or ten months later there is a little population boom of new babies…a bunch of Olympic athletes from all over the world come in to town, they train, they compete, and they do a lot of fucking, and as it happens I know who your father was.”

Halle is again drinking some champagne and again spits a bit of it, “you really need to stop spitting Nina…you know guys don’t like it…” Rosario says, making a joke Halle doesn’t much enjoy.

“Before you ask, your father is Prince Phillip…” Jack says quietly, and Stanley Tucci who was taking a drink of champagne spits it out.

“The Duke of Edinburgh?” Tucci asks, “Queen Elizabeth’s husband?”

“Yes, Phillip is a major ladies man, and enjoys ethnic looking women. Queen Elizabeth knows about it, they just have to keep it quiet,” Jack replies. “So even though it was known he fathered a child in the USA, it could not be acknowledged, even though it was proven in a very private paternity test.”

“So Nini, your great grandfather was the king of Swaziland, your grandfather was the Prince of Liechtenstein, and your father is the Duke of Edinburgh, husband of the Queen of England,” Jack continues softly. “You have what is an undeniable royal lineage, and if you chose, you could join me in Liechtenstein as my wife, our princess, and God willing you could be the mother to the next ruler of our country.”

Halle seems to be close to fainting, and Rosario leans over, briefly glancing at Jack, then winking at Stanley Tucci, then she reaches over and pinches Halle’s nipple, which breaks her out of it, smiling at the men…”we have been friends a long time, Nini has sensitive nipples.”

“Fuck me…” Halle finally replies, “that is a lot to take in. When would we go there?”

“Well as it happens sir, you and I need to be heading back today, as soon as possible actually,” Stanley Tucci says. “We are still in a bit of a crisis with the coup attempt, you need to be seen on home soil, as soon as possible.”

“You can travel with us, or you can come when you can later if you choose to,” Tucci says to Halle, then looks at Rosario Dawson. “Darling you are welcome to come as well, just as you are, or you can change inside, but if you join us now, travel will have fewer headaches for you.”

“How do you mean?” Rosario replies.

“Well if you have passports it would be no big deal, but I take it not all Americans have a passport?” Stanley Tucci asks with a smirk, and both girls make the same face. Neither has a passport. “Well none needed if you travel with us, we show diplomatic credentials and go where we want.”

“Yeah, I don’t have to bother with the TSA feeling me up, one of the many perks of the position,” Jack says with a laugh. Halle and Rosario look at each other, remembering their flight to LA and the TSA.

“Fuck it, I can’t speak for Mickey, but I’m down to go check things out with you,” Halle replies after some thought. “How would we get home afterward?”

“You would be given dual US / Liechtenstein citizenship, and you would be granted a Liechtenstein passport as well,” Stanley Tucci replies. “You could still get one for the USA, but a Liechtenstein passport will get you into just as many countries in the world.”

“What do you say Mickey?” Stanley Tucci continues. “Up for a plane ride?”

Rosario Dawson smiles and leans in close, “fuck yeah…are you ready to join the mile high club baby?” She says to him, kissing him on the cheek.

Jack Nicholson just laughs as she says it, “don’t worry Mickey, we won’t be flying commercial…you two won’t be bothered if you don’t want to be during the flight.”

The film then closes with the flight out of the USA, where you show Rosario Dawson naked and fucking Stanley Tucci on two plane seats in the reverse cowgirl position. Then on the other side of a drawn curtain, you show Halle bent over a seat on the plane, with Jack Nicholson fucking her doggy style. Both couples joining the mile high club on the same flight.

Then the film wraps up with Halle and Rosario seeing Liechtenstein, and learning what it would mean to live in the tiny but beautiful European nation, and are stunned when they see Vaduz Castle, the home of the ruler of Liechtenstein, it is all stunning.

Then as the credits roll you show a royal wedding on the Vaduz Castle grounds, and while you don’t show all of the attendees, you do show some of them, including Queen Elizabeth and the father of Halle’s character, Prince Phillip, and you show the Queen gift Nini with the Cullinan VII diamond on a pendant as a wedding gift.

They formally recognize Nini, who takes the name Helen II in honor of her grandmother, as Princess of Liechtenstein, and as the legitimate daughter of Prince Phillip, when it is found that her mother was also of noble birth.

At the close of the film, Stanley Tucci are in a large bedroom, and they are going at it like it was their first time, fucking each other as hard as they can, and the chemistry between the two actors is obvious. They keep eye contact, there is a lot of romantic kissing, and a whole lot of unprotected sex.

Then you show Halle and Jack are in the royal bedroom inside Vaduz Castle, overlooking their small capital city, and they are having sex again, in a beautiful and erotic sex scene. Different from Tucci and Rosario, this scene is about love, and it shows.

After a lengthy sex scene, the camera pans to the naked couple in a loving embrace, and they look exhausted.

Halle finally takes off the pendant Queen Elizabeth gave her, and Jack explains that it is real, and has been an important part of the British Crown Jewels.

“That wasn’t a minor gift Nini,” Jack says in a drowsy tone of voice. “They acknowledged you, as a child of Phillip, as a part of their line, now joining theirs and ours. Your children will share a lineage with the future king of England my darling…”

Halle is seen laying back in a massive four post bed, “well that was a hell of a week, wasn’t it Hans?” She says to Jack Nicholson, just snuggling against him, both too tired to do much. “Never seen a wedding that takes seven days….”

“You haven’t seen anything yet baby,” Jack Nicholson says, nearly asleep.

And at that the film fades to black. The remake of B.A.P.S does win some awards, including Jack Nicholson winning his fourth academy award for best actor, and Stanley Tucci winning an academy award for best supporting actor.

There are also numerous nominations that don’t win, notably for best picture, best score, best costume design, and individually for Paul Giamatti and Halle Berry, making it a critical success, and it is also a financial success.

The old film lost money, but thanks to your edits, this one does not. It makes quite a lot of money in the box office as well as in the secondary DVD market.

The budget is larger for having Nicholson, Tucci, and Giamatti in it, as well as cameos from the British Royal family, so the film now costs $25 million instead of of $10 million, but it ends up as a surprise box office hit, taking in more than $100 million at the box office.

There are interviews after the film is released that you see online, and you read a few of them, as well as some news reports.

Stanley Tucci and his first wife divorced around the time the film came out, and in the months that followed it was seen that Stanley Tucci and Rosario Dawson became a romantic couple, and were soon engaged. And pictures of them together at the time seem to show how happy they are as a couple.

Jack Nicholson is interviewed about the film, with it coming near the end of his time as a working actor, where he didn’t do a lot of work. Jack explains his reasons for joining the film, and for doing a lot of work in the gym to get in the best shape he had been seen at in years.

“To be blunt, it was Halle,” Jack says in the interview. “Halle fucking Berry. I had seen her in her younger work, then in the last year or so as they came to me with this script, I saw her in Swordfish, X-Men and Monster’s Ball, and I just couldn’t pass on the chance to work with her.”

“And when I got to the table read, not the first one, I don’t ever go to that one, but eventually when I got to the set, I saw Halle, maybe the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on,” Jack continues. “And then I see that they got Stanley and Paul on board, a couple of actors I really have a lot of respect for, and Mel Gibson was directing, I knew it was something I could really sink my teeth into.”

The interviewer asks about his time working with Halle Berry, and Jack smiles and you see peak Jack Nicholson in action.

“Halle, something else I enjoyed sinking my teeth into, I would do this job forever and do it for free if she was in every film I was gonna do,” Jack says with a smile. “But seriously, she isn’t just beautiful, Halle has a warm heart, and she is a tremendous actress.”

“She was never late to set, when I was late she came to get me, I guess they knew I would take it better from her than some pinhead assistant,” he continues. “She knew her lines, and she fucking killed her delivery when it counted.”

“They have you do your line readings numerous times in a scene,” Jack continued, describing a part of the film making process. “The shoot you talking, then someone else’s shot while you are talking, then someone else, etc. And if someone fucks up their part you have to do it all again.”

“It wastes everyone’s time and adds money to the budget, and for actors that ain’t ok,” Jack Nicholson continues. “And Halle had it fucking word perfect, the sex aside, just making a movie, this one was one of the best experiences I have ever had as an actor.”

The last interview seen is Mel Gibson, and he has nothing but positive things to say about the entire cast and crew, and is flowing in his thankfulness to Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip for being willing to have a small part in their film. In a film about royals, having the most famous royals on the planet in the film gave it a real and genuine feeling on the subject.