At class

Chess didn't know when or how it got in his backpack, but a dirty, crusty slip of paper was crammed inside his second pocket. It was no bigger than his palm, and when he held it up to the sun, he could barely make out a few translucent words inscribed in the middle. It read:

"Dear reader: please use this reality-altering note wisely."

So Chess stuffed it in his pocket and forgot about it. It was a joke! Obviously. One of his friends probably penned it and stuffed it in his backpack when he wasn't looking. He had better things to worry about anyways. But curiosity got the better of him. It tugged at him in the library, asked quietly to be written on in Chemistry 140, and when he walked back to his apartment it was practically screaming at him to get tested.

He uncrumpled it and flipped it over a few times, smoothening it out using the edge of the table. He remembered what the note said. And then he wrote.

I have the biggest dick in the world.

It was an unassuming wish. Probably the millionth or billionth time someone had wished for it. Already dismissing it, Chess set the paper down and tried to get up. Suddenly, a strange but intense pain flared from his groin, and immediately he realized what was happening. It was working.

"Fuck...no way..." He turned back towards the paper, feeling his boxers strain against his rapidly swelling dick. The pen was rapidly dissolving, so fast that he could barely make out the I and the rld in world. His boxers popped. Splitting, they fell to the floor, divided cleanly at the seams. He was sure the note interpreted his poorly-worded wish to give him the biggest dick of all mammals. By now, it had to be as big as his legs!

"Ow... shit!" was all he could say as he tried to reverse the command. Crossing it out didn't work-- the ink was already too faded, he assumed. Finally:

I have a regular sized dick."

The swelling reversed. A strange warmth filled Chess's body as his dick reverted. It made a strange stickling sound, but Chess wasn't listening. He sighed with relief. This note actually worked!