Arch Your Back, Throat Goat. Zaddy's 'Bout to Griddy

__1. EXT. APARTMENT COMPLEX PARKING LOT - NIGHT

GEORGIA, 21 year old Irish-American college student her hair in braids, hurries to her car, having witnessed her friends engaged in what she believes was explicit roleplay with an older man. ALFRED, balding divorcee, follows in pursuit, unaware CAMMIE and LARA have opened his laptop where the MASTERPC program is still running.

GEORGIA (opening her purse): They're adults, Georgia. They're adults. It's fine, and none of my business. If they want to play house, it's a big eww from me, but it's technically fine. God help me, was that Lara's Dad with them?

ALFRED (catching up and clearly winded): Woo, sorry about that, teach me to leave the door unlocked, you know.

GEORGIA: AAAAHHHH, stay back!

Slinging her unzipped purse back over her shoulder, GEORGIA holds aloft a can of pepper spray. Despite being much shorter than the man, she dares ALFRED to take a step closer, hand on the trigger.

ALFRED: Whoa whoa (he holds up his hands), sorry didn't mean to startle you. If you just come back to my condo, I can explain everything if you just come back inside.

GEORGIA (disgusted): I'm not going back to your incestuous college girl harem, I'm leaving. I have a party to host! So don't you try anything, people are expecting me.

Keys in one hand and pepper spray still in the other, GEORGIA moves defensively to her car's side door. ALFRED, trying his best to stop her from leaving, gets an unexpected boost from CAMMIE and LARA who decrease his SUS by 30.

ALFRED: I-I'm so sorry, Georgia, let me rephrase that. Lara and Cammie, they're really looking forward to your party, in fact they're getting dressed for it right now and asked to me to tell you to wait for them while they changed.

Still taken aback, GEORGIA pauses in her flight, now standing behind the open car door. ALFRED's SUS is decreased again, now sitting roughly at 25.

GEORGIA: They looked...pretty busy... I think...sorry, I'm suddenly not anxious or freaked out by you. Huh, I don't know why I was before.

ALFRED: Probably my fault, sorry. Could you just give them 5 minutes?

GEORGIA: Uhhh, (conflicted, she looks at her phone) yeah, I guess so.

ALFRED: Thank you, they'll dearly appreciate it.

The two share an awkward silence, GEORGIA's grip on her pepper spray loosens but she doesn't put it away.

ALFRED: You sure you wouldn't rather wait in the kitchen, Georgia?

GEORGIA: Nah, I think I've seen enough of your kitchen today. Were you all doing what I thought you were doing in there?

ALFRED: What did you think we were doing exactly?

GEORGIA: I mean I thought you were making out with Camille and resting your feet on Lara's butt.

There's a shimmering sound as LARA and CAMILLE tap the GASLIGHT command.

ALFRED: Good lord, no wonder you were startled. We were doing nothing of the sort.

GEORGIA: Um, I find that difficult to believe seeing as you were...

There's a zapping sound as GEORGIA's SIMP level is increased

GEORGIA:...you know what never mind, haha. It's Mr. Rindquist, right?

SIMP increasing by increments of 10, GEORGIA adjusts her hair and arches her back, staring up at ALFRED.

GEORGIA: Hoo, my heart is pounding something fierce.

ALFRED: Are you alright, Georgia?

Another SIMP increase.

GEORGIA: Mmm, never better (moving closer) say, do you think I'm a natural redhead, Mr. Rindquist?

ALFRED: I hadn't really thought about it much.

GEORGIA (whispering and touching his chest): Well, if you're curious, there's one simple way to find out. You just have to...

Her SIMP level is unexpectedly set to maximum.

GEORGIA: ...BREED ME ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!

Unbeknownst to either one of them, GEORGIA's outfit starts to merge with her purse. Reality adjusts so her blouse and slacks are replaced by the zippers and gloss of a skin-tight PVC cat suit, its crotch open to reveal a matching g-string GEORGIA starts rubbing with untamed gusto. Spiky heels now also adorn her feet.

ALFRED: Oh shit, now I remember you're that weird friend of Lara's who's obsessed me. You need to stop sending me those disgusting emails.

GEORGIA: PLEASE MR. RINDQUIST, I'LL DO ANYTHING. I'LL BE YOUR SEX ****. I'LL BE YOUR CUM DUMP. I'M LITERALLY HUMAN GARBAGE WHOSE ONLY PURPOSE IS TO FEEL YOUR BABY BATTER SLOSHING AROUND INSIDE ME!! PLEASE JUST FUCK A BABY IN ME!!

ALFRED (nervously checking his neighbors' apartments): Jesus Christ, shhh, keep your voice down!

GEORGIA: POUND MY GINGER SNATCH TILL IT DROOLS!!

Pepper spray having shifted into a can of whipped cream, GEORGIA gives it a shake and starts to spray the sugary white garnish all across her groin. Rivulets of gooey cream coat the space between her legs and start to slide down to the pavement, falling from her crotch in pale sticky globs. Stunned, ALFRED just watches the can hiss, until GEORGIA's lower abdomen is entirely white and smothered.

ALFRED: What the fuck is wrong with you?

In response GEORGIA just laughs and squirts a self-satisfied amount of cream into her mouth, holding it open and displaying the chalky contents to an increasingly disarmed ALFRED.

GEORGIA (talking with her mouth full): Why don't you give me a lick and find out?

Despite his liaisons with CAMMIE and LARA earlier in the day, ALFRED feels very uncomfortable with the brazenness of GEORGIA's attraction to him. Luckily his guardian angels opt to adjust GEORGIA's SIMP level to a more reasonable 50.

GEORGIA (coughing): Shit my tongue, it burns!

The unintended side-effect being the whip cream turning back into pepper spray.

ALFRED: Oh god, Georgia, is there any water in your car? I've never seen a can explode like that. Oh wait crap, you need to get out of those pants.

In a flurry of motion, ALFRED helps the hacking GEORGIA remove her pepper-soiled pants, throwing them into a nearby plant and kicking the busted can of pepper spray aside. Finding a steel tumbler in one of her cup holders, ALFRED passes it to GEORGIA, patting her on the back as she drinks from it shakily, sitting in the front seat of her car.

ALFRED: You doing alright? Do we need to get you to a hospital?

GEORGIA (a little hoarse): I'll be okay, most of it was on my pants. Though the drops that got on my tongue tasted like the mother of all spicy food. I think my sinuses will never be congested again.

She starts to laugh but it turns into a coughing fit. ALFRED just continues his patting.

GEORGIA (still warped by MPC): Ha...my hero. Thanks for that.

ALFRED shivers, LARA and CAMMIE have started to increase his RIZZ. He gets down on his knees and places a hand on GEORGIA's bare thigh.

GEORGIA (startled): Whoa!

ALFRED: Are you cold...Georgia?

GEORGIA: I...your hand...uh, no...I've just never been in a parking lot with an older man without my pants on before.

ALFRED: Well you’re doing great for your first time.

GEORGIA laughs in spite of herself. ALFRED’s RIZZ is upped again. Salt and pepper hair starts to grow from his bald head, roughly at the same speed his hand is moving up her leg, and a full beard now graces ALFRED's chin.

GEORGIA (flustered): This is silly, I should go, I...

ALFRED (cupping her chin): You can do whatever you like, Georgia. I only wish to savor this moment as the fragile beautiful thing it is.

GEORGIA (swallows): What are you trying to say, Mr. Rindquist?

ALFRED: I’m trying to say...I'd really like it if you stayed.

The two stare into each other's eyes, ALFRED's RIZZ further enhancing his physique and manner, but also seems to starting to effect GEORGIA and the world around them. For example, it starts to rain.

ALFRED (wiping water out of his eyes): You didn't really come here to pick up Lara and Camille, did you Georgia?

Georgia: So what if I didn't? You only ever saw me as your daughter's friend. I just thought things might have changed after the divorce.

ALFRED (melodramatically): Dammit Georgia, I'm still a father. I have responsibilities.

GEORGIA: You keep telling yourself that! Then when you're all wasted away with nothing but the dream of grandchildren to keep you company, you'll wonder why you let yourself get so hard-hearted.

ALFRED: I know perfectly well why! She was my wife.

Lightning flashes across ALFRED's face.

ALFRED: She was my wife, and then one day she told me she didn't love me anymore. You tell me how I'm supposed get through that without a heart of stone?

GEORGIA (hands on his face now): But you did get through it, Alfred. Look at you.

ALFRED (_he turns away): _I've looked good and hard. You saw me in that kitchen, what I’ve become. I’m but a shell of the righteous man I used to be.

GEORGIA: But I didn’t come here in the rain for that man. I came here for you.

Music and RIZZ swell as GEORGIA pulls ALFRED into a kiss, falling back on top of one another inside of her car. Lips enmeshed, ALFRED pulls away for just a moment as his implacably rising RIZZ score compels him to sing.

ALFRED (balladicly): HOLD——- MY—— HAND—— (ascending chords) GIVE—— ME—— STRENGTH—— (legato) I AM TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF MY PLACE, IN A WORLD THAT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME——-

GEORGIA (joining in): SENSE TO YOU—-

ALFRED (in full tenor): BUT THERE’S ONE THING I DO KNOW FOR CERTAIN, AND IT’S THE ONE THING THAT SETS MY SOUL FREE (rising mid-word) ——-

GEORGIA (descending): WHAT SETS YOU FREE?

There’s a pause as the two sopping wet singers share a breath, inches from the other's face. The RIZZ music quiets to a low hum, sitting on the edge of a knife as GEORGIA and ALFRED try to decide their next move. But then LARA and CAMMIE decide for them, and hit the DO IT FOR THE PLOT command.

ALFRED (with a key change): WE’RE GONNA HAVE SEX IN YOUR CAR-----

2. INT. GEORGIA'S CAR - NIGHT

Slamming the door, GEORGIA and ALFRED start to hurriedly undress, discarding their soggy clothes as they continue to neck and harmonize in the front seat. For good measure, LARA and CAMMIE increase their RIZZ again, bringing the song to an uptempo beat and ALFRED's pecs into sturdy alignment.

GEORGIA: ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CREEP // THE OTHER GIRLS THEY GOT TOO DEEP // BUT NOW I KNOW, I WON'T BE GETTING A WINK OF SLEEP----

ALFRED: I THINK IT'S TIME WE DO THE DEED // PARKING TICKETS I WON'T HEED // CAUSE NOW I KNOW, YOU'RE THE ONLY "FINE" THAT I NEED----

BOTH (taking the refrain): WHEN WE HAVE-

ALFRED: SEX IN YOUR CAR. SEX!

GEORGIA: SEX IN MY CAR!

BOTH: WE'LL GET NASTY AND BIZARRE // HAVING SEX IN THE CAR.

Now both in their underwear, ALFRED reclines the seat back till they're both horizontal. Below him, GEORGIA wraps her legs around his waist, their naked back and calves the only thing visible through the windshield.

BOTH: THE NEIGHBORS MAY SQUIRM // AND THE LANDLORD WILL FREAK // BUT WE ONLY CARE ABOUT HEARING THESE LEATHER SEATS SQUEAK!

GEORGIA'S SIMP level is once again brought to max.

GEORGIA (back in her crotchless PVC she belts): AND YOU BUSTIN' MY CUNT TILL I SHRIEK------

ALFRED enters her, the two starting to bang in rhythm to the song.

GEORGIA (cross-eyed): Oh fuck, god yes!

BOTH: WHEN WE HAVE-

ALFRED: SEX IN YOUR CAR!

He slaps GEORGIA's ass.

GEORGIA: SEX IN MY CAR!

BOTH: WE'LL EXPAND OUR REPERTOIRE // HAVING SEX IN THE CAR.

The percussion primarily takes over at this point, punctuated by raunchy sounds of ALFRED and GEORGIA slapping, sucking, pulling GEORGIA's skin tight body suit before snapping it against her skin, and making various sexual moans and groans. A montage of their sexual positions ensues. First with GEORGIA's glossy legs up on ALFRED's shoulders.

GEORGIA: Harder, harder, harder. Harder, harder, harder.

ALFRED hits the steering wheel with his butt, the car horn blares loudly.

BOTH: Shit.

Second with GEORGIA on top of ALFRED kissing his ear while in missionary.

ALFRED: Goddamn you're so fucking tight.

LARA and CAMMIE find the DRAKE SNAKE slider and we watch ALFRED expand inside GEORGIA. The redhead squeaks and spasms before sitting upright, now in cowgirl, ALFRED's bulge literally visible from outside her stomach.

GEORGIA: Fuck, not anymore.

Third, ALFRED is in the passenger seat, GEORGIA between his legs about to give him head.

GEORGIA (playing with his trouser python): How's a girl supposed to handle this kind of equipment?

LARA and CAMMIE again intervene, this time bumping GEORGIA's THROAT GOAT level to the mid 70s.

GEORGIA: Guh, ha, never mind.

She tilts her head, taking the top of ALFRED's penis into her cheek, stretching it out like a chipmunk's. GEORGIA begins bobbing her head up and down while sucking hard and pumping the shaft with both hands from below.

ALFRED: Now you've got it.

GEORGIA smiles sloppily around the dickhead, condensation starting to dribble out. LARA and CAMMIE then also hit the TEA BAG command.

ALFRED: Hold on, I want to try something.

We then see ALFRED standing above the kneeling GEORGIA, his balls hanging down, covering up her forehead and left eye. They bat GEORGIA across the nose as he jacks off.

GEORGIA: Fuck yeah, that's the stuff.

Fourth and finally, we return to reverse cowgirl, GEORGIA torso unzipped and gripping the steering wheel for dear life as ALFRED plows her from below and behind. The music rises for one last refrain.

BOTH: WHEN WE HAVE-

ALFRED: SEX IN YOUR CAR!

GEORGIA: SEXY, SEXY, SEX-------

ALFRED: SEX IN YOUR CAR!

BOTH: POLITE SOCIETY, AU REVOIR // WE'RE HAVING--

ALFRED (approaching the big finale): SEX-----

GEORGIA: IN---

ALFRED: YOUR----

LARA and CAMMIE make one last adjustment. Increasing ALFRED's SIGMA score dangerously high.

ALFRED (pausing before one last thrust): Oh shit, I know how to use the program now.

GEORGIA: CCCCCCCC-----AAAAAA------RRRRRrrrRRRRRRRRR-----

Clearly orgasming, GEORGIA carries out the last note, bucking wildly against ALFRED before falling back on top of him in a panting heap. The two lie there a moment, as ALFRED turns his head to look back at the condo.

ALFRED: Dick ride's over, gyat. It's time I thug shaked those fanum taxing eGirls for real.