Answering the police

I took the phone. The officer that talked to me asked me if I was Carl’s relative and I simply told him he was my boyfriend, looking at Jeff for his approval. He didn’t complain, but I knew I still had to talk to him about all that. The officer kept going about how they found him and that they assumed that it was a suicide because they found an handwritten note. Immediately, I turned to Chris and he avoided me. He told me a few more bureaucracy details and finished the call.

“So… We’re in New York?” Jeff asked, looking around the apartment. He already had been here a couple of times so he knew it quite well.

“Yes.” I simply answered.

“I don’t think I have my wallet to get a flight back.” He said in a goofy way. I held myself not to laugh at him.

“Come on.” I held his hand and took him back to my room.

I closed the door behind me and asked, “Jeff, you know I’m not a rodeo guy. I’ll ask this straight and simple: do you still want to be with me?”

“I don’t know.” He looked down to his right forearm.

That was surprisingly not hurtful. I don’t know if it was because it was happening within my grief or if it was the prior conversation we had about him proposing. But “I don’t know” isn’t the answer you want to hear out of this kind of question. “I don’t know” is for when you’re having second thoughts.

“I expected that.” I looked at his tattoo. “Chris set you free. Soon it will vanish.”

“I kind of like it. It reminds me of Carl.” He followed the lines with his fingers. “How do we stand on the flight thing?” He let go of his arm and looked at me.

“No need for planes. You already know who I am.” I held the palm of my hand open in front of me and opened a portal to his dorm room. I don’t need to do theatrical movements bullshit, but it was good to warn him.

He turned to see his room a step behind himself. Before he went in, he turned back to me, coming in my direction and hugged me for a while, not saying anything. I corresponded his affection back. Four years of story were ending in the middle of us as well as a human life.

“Bye.” I whispered right before he let go of me.