Another Question

"Rachel, are you happy?"

It's not really the question I want to ask her. It's in fact absolutely not the question I want to ask her, but it's hard to actually ask that question out of the blue and even though this one doesn't really help set it up, it does something.

No, on second thought, it's just the wrong question.

"Of course I'm fucking happy. Pardon my ego but I'm hot, young, and fuck as much as I want. My future is bright as shit right now, so yeah I'm fucking happy."

"That's not it," I stumble, "That's not really what I wanted to ask. I mean I'm not sure how to... how to put this... I mean I just-"

"Emily," she says, rolling her eyes and clearly peeved by my hesitance, "Just come out and ask it."

"Look I'm not judging you, that's all I want you to know. I'm really not trying to judge anything because I know or at least I'm worried that it's going to come across as judging and I figure that-"

"Did you know," she cuts me off, "that when you draw out a question and delay. When you set a preamble that explains what you're not doing all it does is just build up the tension. It makes it so that the person you're talking to expects that you'll do exactly what you say you're not going to do. It's kind of like starting off an insult with 'no offense'. Chances are that they'll be more offended than if you'd just asked the question normally in the first place."

I sigh, knowing that she's absolutely right, and then just come out and say it, "What do you want for your future?"

It's not what she's expecting, and it gives her pause. She considers for a moment before shrugging, clearly eager to dismiss the question.

"I'm young, Emily. I'm having fun, Emily. I'm not really eager to think about the future too much or ready to start asking those questions."

Right now I was walking a very fine line and I knew it. Part of me wanted to keep on pressing, knew that it was important for the greater reason I was here. But there is a palpable energy of discomfort coming off Rachel and pushing too far too fast is only going to succeed in pushing her away.

"Still," I say carefully, drawing it out, "I mean I've been thinking about this point, about school and everything. We're supposed to be doing this for some wavery uncertain future that we're building towards but... do you ever wonder if you making the right choices?"

She sighs, shaking her head, "I really don't."

"I do," I go on, "I wonder what future I'm looking for. I mean I'm having fun right now, no doubt. But I have to ask if this is the right path. I have to wonder about that."

Rachel doesn't respond and we take a few paces in silence. Our footsteps slowing a little as she tries to give me patience and not shut me out entirely.

Suddenly she surprises me with her answer.

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