And then I heard my mother shouting through the trees

Sylvia was quite enjoying her new hairdo. The transformation she’d borrowed from Carly had worn off when the morning came around, and though she could have used her Fuck the Voters transformation to take it for good, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to keep that one long-term, even if she did have a boon that would allow her a do-over with it if she really wanted to.

Besides- getting her hair cut short and colored white like Mimi had only cost her a small portion of BP; it wasn’t much at all!

Sylvia: 7700 BP – 100 BP = 7600 BP

Clothes would be a little pricier, but her current style went with this just fine. This was her favorite style of all the hairstyles she’d tried, and she thought it looked a lot like Mimi, which meant it was the perfect style for her!

…At least for now.

That’s one of the good things about being my own person, Sylvia thought, holding her head up with pride. I can choose whatever look I want!

She wasn’t a doll being styled by someone else. She didn’t need the long hair her mother had given her. She didn’t need to wear the clothes her mother had chosen for her. (Although her Slip into Something Less Comfortable transformation was still in effect, so she wasn’t completely free to make her own choices, but she wasn’t exactly complaining about that.)

Sylvia was her own person. And the more she got used to that fact, the better.

“Sylvia.”

Dakota’s voice from behind her made Sylvia jump. She turned around, eyes wide, and saw her creator standing before her.

Dakota… did not look well.

“Ah…” Sylvia’s heart began to pound with anxiety. “Dakota… are… is everything alright?” She asked, taking a hesitant step closer to her mother.

Dakota immediately flinched. Which wasn’t the kind of reaction Sylvia was hoping for. The anxious feeling in her breast immediately escalated to a full-on pounding, and she began to tremble with concern.

“No… s-something is wrong, isn’t it?” Sylvia knew there was nothing Dakota could do to her. So there was no way for her to stop her from being concerned.

And besides… she knew Dakota well enough to know that this could not be a coincidence. Dakota never would have come to her, in the middle of the shopping district, if she wasn’t **** to see Sylvia.

She would never show her face before Sylvia at all, unless she needed to.

Right now… Dakota needed her. Sylvia didn’t know what was going on, but she knew that much. She could see it in the host’s tired face, in the dull gleam of her eyes, in the way she looked like everything was coming to an end.

Dakota needed her… and Sylvia needed to know why.

“How can I help?” Sylvia asked, taking a step closer. Dakota flinched again. She raised her cane, but Sylvia wasn’t afraid.

Right now, her mother looked more **** than Sylvia had ever seen her. Even more **** than when she’d broken down the other evening.

“Sylvia…” Dakota rasped. This time when she spoke her name, her voice sounded strained, like she’d swallowed a dozen razorblades.

Sylvia gulped. “Yes? What is it?”

“I need… to talk to you,” Dakota croaked out.

Her **** eyes met her daughter’s widening ones.

“…So that’s what he told you?” Sylvia couldn’t believe it. So much of this situation was unbelievable, in fact. That Mr. S would come to Dakota with such heavy-handed threats, and more than that… that Dakota would come to Sylvia with them.

Dakota had never sought Sylvia’s counsel before. Not once. Not ever.

So for her to do it now…

She must be incredibly ****, Sylvia thought. It was the only conclusion she could come to.

And the tired look of defeat in Dakota’s eyes confirmed her suspicions.

“Apparently, I have not been living up to his lofty expectations,” Dakota muttered, grinding her fist into her forehead as she glared down at the ground. The bench felt so cold and lonely even with Sylvia sitting right beside her. “This next challenge… it’s my final chance.”

Sylvia winced. Not only was Dakota commiserating with her, she was actually revealing private communications she’d had with the producers. That was usually a pretty big no-no as far as hosts were concerned.

But… Mr. S wasn’t stepping in and interfering, or striking her down on the spot. He was nowhere to be seen, and Sylvia couldn’t feel his presence, either.

So that meant… he was okay with this, right?

Sylvia could believe in that possibility, couldn’t she?

…She decided that she would.

“What do you want me to do?” She asked Dakota, looking earnestly at her creator. “Just let me know, and I’ll help!”

Dakota raised her head, her tired, hollow eyes turning to her creation. “…You would, wouldn’t you?” She muttered, shaking her head incredulously. “After everything I did to you… you really would help me, wouldn’t you? Just like that?”

“Of course I would,” Sylvia chirped. Her smile was blinding, overwhelming Dakota’s misanthropic aura of despair.

Dakota winced. “…Why?” She didn’t understand how Sylvia could be like this. To her of all people.

After everything she’d done…

She couldn’t understand it.

“I don’t understand!” Dakota exclaimed, leaping to her feet. She glared down at Sylvia, unable to standing being eye to eye with her any longer. She knew it was her stubborn need for control acting up again, the same urge Mr. S had just mocked her for, but she couldn’t help it.

She looked down on Sylvia. Sylvia didn’t get to look down on her!

Nobody did.

Right now, Sylvia was looking up at her with the purest expression of understanding Dakota had ever seen. She sat there, still as a statue, eyes bright. Her lips were tightly closed, not responding to Dakota until she wanted her to.

Dakota’s heart ached. She grimaced in pain as she looked upon her creation’s gentle visage. “…Why?” She continued her search for understanding in Sylvia’s face. “Is it… because I created you? Is that why you would help someone like me?”

It was the only answer Dakota could come up with to make sense of Sylvia’s bizarre behavior. The only explanation she could find was that Sylvia was trying to oblige her out of a sense of affinity for her creator.

Or, as Mary might put it, “A daughter’s love for her mother.”

It felt like a slap in Dakota’s face. “You’re so much better than me, aren’t you?” She spat venomously, glaring down at her creation. “Even though I’ve treated you so horribly, you still love me? Is that it? How laughable. Well!? Is that it, then!?”

She waited for Sylvia to prove her right. To show how much better she was than Dakota, because she could still care about her mother after everything she’d done, and Dakota could not.

Sylvia looked up at her mother with warm eyes and softly shook her head. “That’s not it,” she said gently. “My feelings for you… they’re complicated,” she said, touching her aching heart with a wince. “That’s not why I want to help you. I want to help you because I just want to help you. Isn’t that enough?”

Dakota sagged, slumping over like a puppet with its strings cut. The look on her face sent a flare of panic through Sylvia.

“D-don’t get me wrong!” She said hastily, waving her hands. “I know a part of me does still love you, if that’s what you’re worried about! But there’s also the part of me that can’t forgive what you’ve done, even if I want to… it’s all so complicated, I just… …Please don’t be upset,” she begged.

Whatever else she felt for her mother… in her heart, she yearned so desperately for Dakota’s happiness. The worst thing for her was to see her creator in this state.

Was that love? Did it overpower the feeling of pain and betrayal Sylvia felt, whenever she thought about how Dakota had treated her for such a long time?

Honestly… she couldn’t say. She didn’t know enough about love to answer that question.

But she knew she didn’t want to stop loving her mother. Just like how she knew that deep down Dakota didn’t want to stop loving her mother, either.

Maybe that was answer enough.

“So you’re just a better person than me…” Dakota couldn’t even look at Sylvia after hearing that. “Why am I not surprised?”

How ironic. Dakota, monster that she was, had actually created something, someone, who was good.

One final joke at her expense.

“I don’t know if I would say that…” Sylvia winced. Her heart pounded in her chest. She stood up, so she was facing Dakota directly, on her level. The two women would have been eye to eye, if Dakota could only hold her head up high like Sylvia did.

Dakota let out an incredulous snort, and Sylvia **** herself to continue.

“I could have been so much worse,” she said softly. “I know I could have. The possibility was in me… all this time.”

She shook her head. “But… you took that away from me.”

Dakota looked at her in stunned shock, meeting Sylvia’s eyes again. “What? I… I did?”

Sylvia nodded. “When you took away my position as host… when you…” She shook her head, deciding not to finish that sentence. “You set me free, Dakota. If you hadn’t done that, I would have continued to be the host, and continued… doing those awful things. I would have done many more seasons, trying to emulate you, and maybe… in the end, I could have been even worse.”

Sylvia wasn’t sure how to feel about that. In her heart she still embraced transformations for the wondrous things they were. It was just something she fundamentally believed. But seeing the pain she’d caused people like Dani and Holly, thinking it was all in good fun…

“It was Daddy and the others who helped me understand,” Sylvia explained as best she could. “They helped me see how I was hurting people before. And now I regret those decisions. I can’t take them back, but I can still regret them, and try to do better.”

If Dakota had not taken back her position as host, Sylvia may never have been put into the position where she had to experience firsthand the things she had done to other people. She had seen the impact of her choices because of that.

“So in a way… you helped me, even if you didn’t mean to,” Sylvia finished, trying to smile for her mother’s sake.

Her lips couldn’t bring themselves to do it, though.

Dakota looked away again, a shadow crossing her face. So she’d kept her daughter from turning into a monster like her. Shouldn’t she be happy about that? That’s what a good mother would feel, right?

But Dakota…

“…What about me, then?” She asked, raising her head. Their eyes met once more, and she got to see the look of stunned confusion on her daughter’s face.

“Huh?” Sylvia blinked.

Dakota took a step closer to her creation and held her cane tightly. “You’re free now… you can do better… you have… the freedom to regret your choices,” she pointed out bitterly. “So what about me? Can I regret my choices and try to do better?”

It was a cruel question to ask. Because Dakota knew that no answer Sylvia could give would satisfy her pain.

Because she had not found an answer herself, no matter how hard she’d searched.

Dakota could see it in the other woman’s eyes. That look of resigned defeat.

“…I don’t know,” Sylvia conceded, hanging her head. She bit her lip. “I really don’t…”

She wished she could tell Dakota what she wanted to hear. But she didn’t know.

How could Dakota make amends for the things she had done? When, as the host, she would no doubt continue to do many more bad things?

It wasn’t a question Sylvia had an answer for. She didn’t think anyone would.

“Of course you don’t,” Dakota muttered, shaking her head. “How could you?”

The response stung Sylvia like a slap across the cheek. But she couldn’t argue with it, sadly. She could only stand there with a somber expression on her face.

“…I want to help you,” she said finally, pleading with Dakota with all her heart. “I believe you can do it, Dakota. You can change… if you try… you can…”

“I can love you?” Dakota asked, snapping her eyes over to meet Sylvia’s. “Is that what you’re hoping for out of this?”

Sylvia recoiled, her eyes wide with shock. She nearly fell back onto the bench.

“I… that wasn’t-”

“But it’s what you want, isn’t it?” Dakota approached her like a prowling panther, golden eyes narrowing into slits. “For me to love you, like a ‘good mother’ should? Not the kind of love you’re seeking from your ‘Daddy’ but the kind of love I never gave you even once.”

Sylvia pressed her lips together into a tight line and looked into her mother’s eyes.

She shook her head.

“But you did love me,” she said softly, and for a moment the entire island froze.

“…What?” Dakota’s response wasn’t the retort of an irate host, but the tiny squeak of a flustered little girl.

“I said, you did love me,” Sylvia repeated. “It… maybe it wasn’t… all the time… maybe it was only a few times… but I still remember those moments, Dakota. Those times you were kind, even when you didn’t need to be. Maybe you thought they didn’t matter… but they did.”

She clenched her hand over her chest, and tried not to cry. “It wasn’t enough… but it was something, right?” Her smile shook so hard it nearly slid right off her lips, but she struggled to keep it. She fought with everything she had to keep smiling, as proof that those few precious moments she clung to had really happened.

Dakota stood motionless in front of her as so many memories she’d struggled to forget **** their way into her mind.

“It’s okay…” Sylvia said, seeing the turmoil on her mother’s face. She shook her head. “I know you can’t say it… Maybe you can’t even believe it yourself… but those times weren’t lies, Dakota. They happened. They were real.”

Her mother was the host of the show. Sylvia knew what that meant. Maybe even more than Dakota did. And she knew just how much her mother loved Nick.

“I know how hard it is for you to love me, mom,” Sylvia said, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “So you can stop. It’s alright… I’ll be alright. Because I have Daddy, and Mary… and everybody else with me now.”

“Sylvia…” Dakota’s voice cracked.

“So… so…!” Sylvia sniffled, trying to hold her head up even though she just wanted to break down sobbing right now. “So if you can’t do it… if those feelings… if they’re too much for you… you can throw them away. I’ll understand! I just… I just want… I just don’t want you to keep hurting because of me anymore.”

…

What are you? Dakota couldn’t make sense of the monster in front of her. That’s what Sylvia was to her in that moment, a monster.

There was no other word to describe her. The girl in front of Dakota was an entity that defied every law of reality Dakota knew. Just looking at her seemed to drive Dakota to the brink of insanity as she tried to decipher the madness before her eyes.

“How could you say that!?” Dakota demanded, grabbing Sylvia by the collar. “How could you just tell me to throw it away!? What are you!? You defective thing?!”

Sylvia just stared at her in shock, her mouth twisting into a confused “O” as her creator berated her with madness.

“I-”

“No daughter could say something like that!” Dakota shouted as tears burned in the corners of her eyes. “What sort of daughter would ask her own mother to-?!”

A daughter’s purpose was to yearn for her parents’ love. They should want their parent to love them more than anything, shouldn’t they!?

So to Dakota, who believed that with all her heart and soul, a daughter who would give up on her mother’s love and say she could throw it away…

She could only see someone like that as a monster.

And yet… Sylvia smiled.

“Because… I think I love you…” Sylvia answered with shaky words. “I think I love you, mom…”

Her heart trembled. “And if you loving me is causing you pain, then I don’t want it.”

Dakota couldn’t understand it. How could Sylvia just…?

“I don’t know what to do…” Burning tears rolled down Dakota’s cheeks as she clung to Sylvia’s shirt, her hands shaking.

Sylvia wanted her to throw it away. These useless, horrible, sickening feelings that Dakota despised, these treacherous feelings that were an affront to everything Dakota was, everything she’d promised Nick she would be…

She had hated Sylvia all this time because loving her was impossible. In the darkness of midnight when Dakota could not sleep, when her heart finally confronted her own demons and acknowledged, to her everlasting guilt and disdain, that a part of her did hold Sylvia precious… she had wished so many times that she did not.

And now Sylvia was giving her what she always wanted. Permission. Permission to stop loving her. She was doing that for her sake. So Dakota would no longer need to carry this horrible burden. She was telling her mother that she could set them both free, she was giving her blessing to Dakota to get rid of those feelings once and for all.

It was so easy.

So simple.

She wouldn’t even have to hate her. Just by accepting Sylvia’s offer, Dakota could end this whole farce, and she would never need to feel like a mother to Sylvia again.

“I hate you…” Dakota spat, clutching Sylvia with everything she had. Terrified that if she let her go, then that would be it, and she would be gone forever. “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…”

It kept coming out wrong. As Dakota cried, the word she meant to use kept being replaced with “hate” instead.

Sylvia cried too and held Dakota close. “It’s okay,” she said softly, “I love you too. But it’s alright. You can stop now. You don’t need to ‘hate’ me anymore…”

Dakota wanted those feelings to be gone. But she didn’t let her daughter go.

She couldn’t.