And I can only speak for myself, and I'm speechless

The roller coaster pulled into the station with a hiss.

“Woooo!” Carly punched the air in glee and jumped out of her seat the second the braces went up. “That was a blast! God, I love roller coasters!”

Then her eyes landed on Dani, who had sat at the very back, and her whole demeanor changed. Her face turned red and she averted her eyes.

Marley groaned and shook her head. So much for progress.

“That was so fun, Daddy!” Sylvia giggled, hugging Nick tightly. Nick actually allowed that, much to everyone’s surprise. Nobody knew for sure what had happened on the Ferris Wheel, but it was clear that the dynamic between Nick and Sylvia had shifted considerably somehow.

Morgana stumbled out of her car, and Dawn squinted anxiously at her, trying to make out the girl’s face. The whole ride, she’d been afraid that Morgana would puke all over her. The fact that she was half-blind thanks to leaving behind her glasses hadn’t helped matters either. But thankfully she’d been spared from that fate. With that in mind, she dreaded what would happen if Morgana threw up all over the place once they were back on solid ground.

And she couldn’t tell whether or not the black smear that was Morgana was actually shaking because she was going to puke, or if that was just her crummy eyesight.

But, to everyone’s relief, Morgana took a few deep breaths and held her arms out to the sides like she was riding an invisible surfboard in order to try and stabilize herself. Then she lifted her head and gave Dawn an awkward smile. “I-I’m fine,” she said after a brief pause, when she realized that Dawn couldn’t see her.

“Oh, thank goodness,” Dawn said, getting out of the cart and rushing over to her buddy. “I was worried you were going to lose your lunch again.”

“Didn’t eat lunch,” Morgana laughed. “So, uh… really couldn’t.”

That was when everyone realized that they’d been having so much fun on the rides, they’d completely forgotten about eating.

Kim’s stomach started rumbling to remind everyone of that fact.

“Oh, uh… excuse me,” she blushed, patting her tummy. “But I haven’t had anything to eat since the Candy Shop, so…”

“It’s getting late,” Nick said, glancing at the sun. It was still high in the sky, but on Harem Hotel, that didn’t mean much. “We should probably head in and get dinner.”

“R-right,” Mary said, trying to get out of the roller coaster as best she could while keeping her hands over her breasts. “I could probably whip something up for you, if you like.”

As the other girls got off the roller coaster, there was only one person still left sitting.

“Just… go on without me,” Rose said, her cheeks pink. She wasn’t looking Nick’s way, and she had one arm clamped over her chest. “I-I don’t want you guys staring at me while I try to put my shirt on, that’s all!”

Nick couldn’t help but smile. “Feeling bashful now?” He teased. “And here you’ve been flirting with me all day.”

“That-that was different!” Rose stammered, pointedly not looking at him. “I just… shut up, okay!?”

Very well argued.

“I’ll help you get your clothes on,” Holly assured her, having no qualms about going topless herself. After all, it’s not like Nick would want to look at her naked body, right? Except… when she was on that strip poll at the combined bachelor/bachelorette party… then…

She quickly shook her head. That was just the wrong way to think about things! Nick was only interested in beautiful women like Rose! He wouldn’t be thinking about her that way!

Holly looked up about halfway over to the cubbies and froze. Nick was staring at her, and his eyes were wide with shock. In that moment, Holly felt like a worm. Which was usual for her. But the fact that she could see the admiration and desire in Nick’s eyes just twisted her heart all up in knots.

“D-don’t look at me like that!” She stammered, quickly covering herself. She scampered over to the cubby and pulled on her top. “I’m not, I mean… you shouldn’t… …Look at Rose! She’s in your harem! Or Mary!”

“Hey!” Rose and Mary exclaimed at the same time. Both girls were in the process of trying to get their tops on.

“S-sorry,” Nick said, snapping out of it after Holly had covered up her naughty bits. “I just, I mean… right, I should probably turn around.”

Finally, a sensible thought out of him.

“Don’t be so mad at Daddy,” Sylvia chastised the girls as they finished getting their clothes sorted. “He’s a little tense right now. Long day, you know?”

“I know what can ease off that tension,” Gina said, licking her lips. She patted her stomach. “There’s a reason I’m not exactly burning for dinner.”

“Because you have an unhealthy and self-destructive lifestyle?” Dawn replied, squinting at the punk girl shape beside her.

“Nah, because I already had something filling, if you know what I mean.” Gina wiggled her eyebrows and Dawn rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, I got it,” she muttered, going to retrieve her glasses.

“If you want to look at someone, you could always look at Kim,” Gina suggested, quickly changing her target. She jostled the schoolgirl with her elbow. “Come on, you can always take that top off again, you know.”

Kim scowled. “No, thanks,” she replied, shaking her head. “I don’t just take off my clothes for no reason, you know!”

Nobody looked like they believed her.

“…I don’t!” She asserted anyway, her face turning red.

“Hey, come on, guys, let’s lay off, okay?” Dani, in a twist of all twists, actually stepped forward to try and play mediator. “It’s been a long day, we had a lot of fun, everyone’s really excited and worked up, but man, I’m getting tired. I agree with Nick, let’s turn in for the day and get something to eat!”

“We could always get something here,” Gina shrugged.

Kim shook her head. “I wouldn’t recommend it,” she stated.

Sylvia nodded in agreement. “The food here… is not the best.”

“And laced with aphrodisiacs?” Nick pressed.

“I have no comment on that.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Figures.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to eat at the restaurants here,” Kim said, shaking her head.

“Weren’t you pressing us to buy candy?” Dawn pointed out, raising her eyebrow.

“…Well, yeah, but I was on the clock then,” Kim pointed out. “Trust me, the food? Not great. Plus, the person who cooked it was topless! Definitely a health hazard.”

She cracked a crooked grin and then began laughing. Apparently, that was a funny joke to her, even if it was on herself.

Morgana also chuckled a little. But everyone else just reacted with amused, but exasperated, grins.

“I’m ready!” Rose called over to Nick. She posed against the railing like a model, letting the wind play with her hair as she tilted her head back to show off her nape.

“Okay!” Nick called back. Then he returned to the conversation.

Rose tried to salve her dignity as Mary just patted her on the back and shook her head.

“Stupid won’t-be-seduced-because-he-likes-me-too-much nice guy,” Rose pouted, puffing her cheeks up and going to rejoin the group.

Once they returned to the lockers and gathered their things, they headed towards the exit. Today had been a long and exhausting day, and while there were a lot of good memories to go around, the thing that most of them would remember was the fact that everyone had left with smiles on their faces and laughter in their voices.

Dakota leaned back in her seat and watched the park close down with no one there to enjoy it. She let out a long sigh and slumped over on the couch.

“Well… that’s something, then,” she muttered. She ignored how much she wished that it could have just been her and Nick at the Amusement Park together. But those days were long in the past now. She had her duty to the show, and to the man she loved, to make him the happiest person in the world with a harem of his own.

The big problem is that the ratings have probably taken a nosedive, spending all this time on the rides, she thought, biting her lip. She’d indulged in a little fantasy of everyone having fun at the Amusement Park, but she couldn’t imagine that’s what the producers would have wanted from the show.

Still, might as well check the damage.

Unlike Sylvia, Dakota wasn’t the kind of insecure loser who needed consistent validation that she was doing the right thing. So she didn’t need to check the forum comments on the show nearly as much as her creation. Although, maybe if Sylvia had done that more often, she wouldn’t have been such a defective product.

Still, Dakota needed to make sure that things weren’t too bad, so she opened the chat.

“Lol finally Amusement Park Namek over”

“I feel like I just aged 20 years”

“Dani x Carly CLOSURE at last!?”

“Nah we got bait”

“Of course the cameras would cut the rest of the convo lmao”

“Fuck Rose man, I thought she was getting better but nah she’s still awful”

“RoseGarden supremacy! You all just can’t stand driven women! #RoseGarden”

“I want to drive her into a lake. #MorganaCoven”

“Mary vs. Rose will be the battle of all time”

“LMAO nah Mary already got this one in the bag”

“She definitely got one in the baby bag #GetMaryPreggers”

“#GetMaryPreggers”

“Only one? thosearerookienumbers.gif”

“Rose is so competitive I bet she tries to get pregnant herself just to show up Mary.”

“Hah if Rose has more kids than Mary by the end purely out of spite that would be amazing #RoseGarden #GetRosePreggers”

“#GetRosePreggers”

“#GetMaryPreggers”

“Whelp we could have seen this feud coming.”

“I’m still just happy we finally get some closure between Dani and Carly. #TeamGamerGirls”

“Agreed, it’s about time those two got to have an actual conversation. Based Marley #SlimeTime”

“#Twinning”

“Bring Marley back into the show and turn Carly into the sidekick”

“Agreed Marley deserves it more lmao”

“Nah fam Marley can’t even follow her own advice”

“Yup she definitely melted under pressure”

“#TeamGamerGirls”

“MIMI MERCH IS SO CUTE! I WANT MIMI PLUSHES! #SlimeTime”

“Still shocked Mimi still has fans”

“You know who I’m shocked has fans? Nola”

“NOLA SUPREMACY”

“I’m so glad Nola’s here! She was my favorite part of that other season!”

“I’m not. She’s annoying. Can someone give her a transformation that removes her mouth?”

“That seems like a Dakota thing to do”

“what if this is a long game by the producers to make nola become the winner by sabotaging dakota and then taking over”

“#HostileTakeover”

“#LeprechaunSupremacy”

“No! #TomboySupremacy!”

“#GothSupremacy”

“#RoseSupremacy”

“#GetNolaPreggers”

“Nola is 100% a producer plant. She’s gonna stab Dakota in the back when she least sees it coming.”

“I’M BORED WITH THIS ROUND! I just want Amelia to join the cast already, damn it! #AmeliaWhen #Mommy”

“Nola taking over as the host just as Amelia joins the season would be perfect. She’d take that British bitch down and give her a good taste of IRA justice.”

“COME OUT YE BLACK AND TANS!”

“COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN”

“SHOW YOUR WIFE HOW YOU WON MEDALS DOWN IN FLANDERS!”

“I just want Dani to be happy man, is that too much to ask?”

“TELL HER HOW THE IRA MADE YA RUN LIKE HELL AWAY”

“That siren girl, that was something. Dani got a kiss at least!”

“FROM THE GREEN AND LOVELY LANES OF KILLASHANDRA!”

“Yeah the siren was a massive twist.”

“Dakota- Drowns in river Also Dakota- *fills lagoon with sirens*”

“LMAO fake fan, Dakota got rid of all the water on the island for her season remember? Those sirens were Sylvia’s doing.”

“#SirenSupremacy”

“Do you think that the siren girl will be the next Auditionee?”

“God I hope not. We need Amelia already.”

“Each round we don’t get Amelia, the less likely it is that Nick will be able to knock her up. Need mommy to have an actual baby this time. #GetAmeliaPreggers”

“That’s just gross lmao banging your stepmom is one thing but getting her pregnant? Gross.”

“Lol look at the whiny puritan bitch in the comment section”

“#IncestSimplyTheBest”

“This section has gotten weird…”

“Things have been weird ever since Dakota came back #NotMyHost #SylviaSquad #SylviaSupremacy”

“Nah Dakota taking over was the best, without that we wouldn’t have gotten Sylvia in the harem #SylviaSquad”

“True”

“Now we got Daddy-Daughter play #IncestSimplyTheBest”

“Throw in Amelia for three generations of lewd”

“We can add Dakota as well since she’s mommy too”

“Nah Dakota is a crap mother forget her.”

“True lol the more Sylvia stays away from Dakota the better.”

Enraged, Dakota furiously shut the comment’s section.

“Those fools,” she spat, standing up and pacing around the room. “Actually thinking that Nola of all people would be able to supplant me? That simpleton? They don’t know what they’re talking about one bit!”

Dakota tightened her grip on her cane and flicked it in an arc. Nola was instantly summoned before her.

“Yoow! Yelp!” Nola wailed as she crashed onto the floor. She’d been standing on something when Dakota had summoned her, and Dakota had intentionally mad sure she was brought back suspended that high above the floor.

She needed to assert the difference in their positions from the front, to ensure that Nola would respect her. She didn’t know the little leprechaun from Adam; the girl had been scouted by the hosts when Dakota was still a contestant.

“Ah! Dakota hello! Hello, hello, hello!” Nola greeted her immediately, standing at attention with a big smile on her face. “It’s such a pleasure to be here! I can’t thank you enough for this chance! When the producers cast me away in favor of a new show, I was afraid I was going to fall into obscurity, but I didn’t! No, now I’m here! Thanks to you! It was so sweet of you to offer me a job! And I promise, I’m going to do my best, whether it’s working concessions, brainstorming transformation ideas, helping with challenges, or even scrubbing toilets, I promise, I’m your gal! …Only I don’t want to be scrubbing any toilets. Unless the toilet is clogged because of, like, semen or something, but even then, I wouldn’t prefer it. But if you needed me to do it, then I absolutely would! I’m at your service, just say what you need! As anyone would tell you, Nola is always willing to listen and grant your requests! That’s what leprechauns do, after all! Or wait, are those genies? Well, green or blue, doesn’t really matter, the point is-”

Dakota snapped her cane forward and a ball gag appeared in Nola’s mouth.

“Ah, much better,” the host said with a smirk, sitting back down on her couch. “I tire of sycophants, leprechaun girl. Understood?”

Nola made a squeak and nodded. But her eyes weren’t reflecting any fear. She was eager and happy regardless.

Dakota liked that. She could work with that.

“Good,” she said, dispelling the ball gag. “Now then, Nola, I would like to make things completely clear between the two of us. You were brought on here as my helper. That means you assist me with whatever I need from you, understand? Nod if you understand.”

Nola wasn’t gagged anymore, but for once, she knew when it was better to keep her mouth closed anyway. She nodded.

Dakota brightened. “Good! Great. That’s great. That’s what I love to see.” She clapped her hands together. “Now the first order of business… stand on one leg.”

Nola blinked. “…Huh?” She squeaked out.

Dakota’s expression immediately took a turn for the worse.

“Stand. On. One. Leg.”

“R-right,” Nola stammered. She lifted one leg up behind her and held out her arms to try and balance herself. “Like this?”

Dakota brightened into a smile. “Excellent! That’s perfect!” She clapped her hands together again and Nola sighed in relief, glad that she’d pleased her new boss.

“Now, stay like that.”

“F-for how long?” Nola asked.

Dakota looked at her with a blank expression.

“…Until I tell you to stop, of course,” she replied.

“…Okay…” Nola gulped. She was already starting to get wobbly. It was another few seconds before she fell over. Her top hat rolled over to the couch and Dakota picked it up.

“Oh, you poor thing…” She cooed. “Again, please.”

Nola paled. Falling over hadn’t actually hurt her because she was magical, but she didn’t enjoy this, either. It made her feel strange and uneasy.

“Again.” Dakota’s voice wasn’t asking anymore. She was insisting.

Nola quickly scrambled to her feet, and lifted one leg off the ground.

“No no no,” Dakota chastised her, shaking her head. “The other leg.”

“Yes! Sorry!” Nola quickly shifted from one leg to the other. She was even more unbalanced on her right leg than her left.

Dakota smiled. But it wasn’t a friendly smile like before. It was a triumphant smile.

She stood up and walked over to Nola, who was trying not to fall. She dusted off the top hat and placed it on Nola’s head. This, of course, threw off her balance, and she fell over again.

Dakota crouched over the leprechaun.

“Now, are we clear?” Dakota was still all smiles. “You work for me. If you do your job well, then I’ll treasure you. But if you betray me…”

“I-I would never betray you!” Nola exclaimed. She shook her head back and forth rapidly. “You’re my savior, bringing me onto your season like this! I would never!”

“Good!” Dakota helped her to her feet and dusted her off. “Then I think we’ll get along splendidly. In the meantime, though, I have some work for you to do.”

“Yes! Of course! Right away!” Nola nodded rapidly. “Whatever you wish, boss!”

Dakota liked the sound of that. Boss. It made her feel all tingly inside.

“There’s a certain little fish that’s escaped from her bowl. I want her brought to me.”

“Um… couldn’t you just… with your cane?” Nola glanced at the cane warily.

“Are you arguing with me?” Dakota asked calmly.

“N-no, boss!” Nola squawked. She turned and dashed out of the room.

Of course, Nola was absolutely right that Dakota could summon the siren at a whim. But this was far more amusing.