An Axe to Grind

“You've got to be kidding me!" you say with a chuckle."

"You said I got to pick this time," Huntress replies in a voice of mock-innocence.

You look around. "Absolutely. I just wasn’t expecting axe throwing?"

"You want a boring date? Date a boring girl," she says matter-of-factly, as she rummages in a fridge behind the bar.

You turn your attention from the large empty space full of chicken-wire-lined throwing lanes, to admire your beautiful companion. She surprised you by showing up in costume this time, her signature white cross on a purple leotard. Heavy boots, padded gloves, and a long cape complete the ensemble. Her shoulders and sleek upper arms are bare, as are her athletic thighs. A purple mask hides her face but leaves her hair free to fall down her back. Sadly, her cape blocks your view of her firm ass, but otherwise you have zero complaints.

"The owner lets me train here after hours," she says, turning around in time to catch you checking her out. She grins, amused but not angry or embarrassed, and holds up several different beers. You point to the one that isn’t an IPA, and she tosses it to you lightly. She opens one of the IPAs and holds it up for a toast. You pop yours, clink cans, and you both sip. Even from here, hers smells like piss, but she seems to enjoy it. To each their own.

"How do you get a liquor license when your whole business model is randos throwing sharp objects?” you say wonderingly, looking around the place. “Waivers or no, their liability insurance must be through the roof."

"Never really thought about it," she shrugs as she crosses to the nearest lane.

"I guess drunk randos throwing sharp things is pretty far down on your list of worries, huh?"

She picks up two of the hand axes and tosses one to you. You manage to catch it without fumbling, so that’s good. "As long as they're not throwing them at me," Huntress says dismissively, and without looking chucks her axe behind her to smack into one of the targets. But her timing was slightly off and instead of sticking in the wood it bounces off and clatters to the floor. The heroine frowns, displeased and a tad embarrassed. “Humph. I’m more out of practice than I thought.”

“Gosh, I hope I’m not distracting you,” you say innocently as you take aim and throw your axe at the target closest to you. The blade sinks firmly into the wood, maybe 4” left of the bullseye.

“Is that what you hope?” she says, matching your innocent tone. She picks up another axe and chucks it at the same target, actually looking this time, and sticks it into the wood maybe 3” right of the bullseye. Her shoulders visibly relax at having redeemed herself.

You ready another axe. “Can I ‘axe’ why you decided to come in costume tonight?” She rolls her eyes at the terrible pun. “I am not complaining, believe me, but I have already seen your face.” Your throw hits the board just above the bullseye but doesn’t bite deep enough and after a second it falls to the floor.

Huntress bounces an axe in her hand, her face serious. "I guess if I’m being honest, it’s a lot easier for me to relax and enjoy myself when I'm in costume. I’m sure my therapist would have plenty to say about that, if I had one.”

"No, that actually makes sense, given your, y’know…life.” She avoids eye contact, her profile looking uncharacteristically vulnerable for a second. “And believe me I have no complaints about the costume. Tho I will say..."

She was about to throw but instead turns until the axe is pointed at your nose. "If the words 'abs window' are about to come out of your mouth..."

You hold up your arms. "Never entered my mind," you lie. She glares a second more, then sidearms the axe into the target, hitting it a little low. "I was actually going to say the idea of being seen in public with the Huntress in costume doesn’t phase me either."

"People always think that. But believe me you are not prepared for the level of scrutiny that comes from dating a hero. Paparazzi following you around hoping to get a shot of me. Lawyers subpoenaing you to make you tell them my identity. Fans looking for you to validate their parasocial relationship. Petty harassment from cops that don't like me. And that's all before the Maggia or someone kidnaps and tortures you on the off chance they can use you to get to me."

You plant another axe into the target and this one sticks perfectly. "I hadn't thought about it that way. And I guess if I was seen in public with Huntress, that would pretty much preclude going out anywhere with you as Rose."

"Now you get it," she readies another throw.

"Sounds like a lonely way to live."

She pauses for a moment, then hurls the axe into target and shrugs. "It can be. If you're one of those people that needs to be in a relationship to feel complete."

“And you're not?" you ask, eyebrow raised. Your axe goes a little wide this time, but at least it hits the target and sticks.

"I've got more important things to worry about. Also, spoilers, but I'm kind of a hot mess. I'm…working on it, with a little help from my friends and all. But at the moment, I wouldn't inflict me on anyone I actually like."

"Wow you did get a heaping helping of Catholic guilt, didn't you?"

Huntress laughs so hard her next axe misses the target completely, but she seems completely unembarrassed this time. "Oh we've barely scratched the surface, believe me.”