An American man heading for the UK

Dating in America sucks ass.

It really does. American girls are tough to date, even with pedigree-checking apps. The country's enough of a melting pot that most of the girls you'll see are mixed, and even the really WASP-y types are a little interbred. The end result is that a lot of them have independent streaks a mile wide, and you constantly have to work to make them actually like you. Or, worse, they're Native American enough that you get blindsided by their fetishes - there's a lot of tribes that never got their fetishes cataloged, and after one of your hookups masturbated while holding a knife to your throat, you realized why that's dangerous.

Maybe it's hypocritical to complain about mixed-race girls when you're mixed between nonwhite races yourself. You're , what, a blend of Indian-Cantonese or something, right? (That might not be right, it's possible you've got more in you). But you're not a girl and don't have to deal with girl urges.

And you don't really hate melting pot girls anyway, so it's not hypocritical. You've dated plenty in the past, after all. But it is exhausting to figure out what each individual one needs in a relationship, instead of just fitting them neatly into a box labeled 'Masturbator' or '**** and ****'. And going for purebreds usually doesn't help either. See, someone interested in bondage might be fun for a fuck, but someone who always wants bondage? Who you have to work to satisfy? That's too much effort on your part. You could, maybe, get a man-worshiper, but women like that can't really earn money and you'll have to pay their upkeep.

You just want a chill girl. A cool girl. Someone who takes no effort on your part, and will be useful when you're bored, and will be a fun fuck when you're horny, and who you won't have to treat like a person.

A pet. An object.

Either a Mongolian or an English rose.

Well, luckily, you found some college kid from this "Oxford" place who wanted to swap places. Apparently, he's got a really specific combination of fetishes, and figures New York will be the only place he can find it.

Sucker. You're going to find a perfect docile Englishwoman, seduce her, and then bring her back home.

Easy, right? Right?