All those stupid little cigarettes and drink stupid wine, 'cause its what we needed to have a good time

Nick didn’t say anything when Cinder demanded to use the restroom again. Knowing what she was going through, he was willing to give her as much space as she needed. It was no easy task, after all, guiding someone afflicted with such a toxic view of herself towards the possibility of having fun and actually enjoying a date.

Cinder wasn’t wrong to be concerned about how difficult it was to love her. Even Nick, who could see that underneath the anger and vitriol there was just a damaged woman trying to keep herself safe, was starting to tire of her combativeness and hostility. As much as he felt for her, he didn’t deserve being subjected to her treatment of him.

He still endured it as best he could, however. Because he knew that, for once in their life, Cinder and Ella needed someone in their corner, someone who could support them without question. Abandoning Cinder would mean abandoning Ella, and he couldn’t do that.

So it may have been stupid and self-destructive and toxic, but he pushed those feelings aside and stood his ground, reminding himself that whenever Cinder cursed at him or said she hated him, that was her way of protecting herself; she was trying to drive him off, even though deep down she wanted him to stay.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Cinder spat, storming off. Nick watched her go and let out the breath he was holding, finally feeling like he could relax. With Nola having scurried off somewhere on a break, he was finally alone, and had the space to think and contemplate the situation in front of him.

They really are the same. They have different responses and methods, but their way of doing things is still, at its core, the same. Nick thought back to that morning and how Ella had arranged that convoluted “test” to see if he really did want to go on a date with her or not. It had seemed unnecessary from Nick’s perspective, but he completely understood her motivation when he looked at Ella’s side of things, and what she was so afraid of.

How was that any different from Cinder’s constant barbs and glares? Both sides had, in their own way, tried to drive him off- And seeing how Ella handled things was helping Nick come to terms with the fact that Cinder was trying to test him as well, in her own bizarre way.

“If he can put up with this much **** from me, then he won’t run away. He won’t abandon me.”

Was it irrational, toxic, and not something anybody should ever put up with in a relationship? Fucking absolutely. Nick wasn’t so deluded as to think that this was in any way normal or something that should be tolerated.

And yet… he tolerated it.

Because the alternative was too painful to consider.

Maybe this is my problem, he thought, looking up at the sun hanging over his head. It was almost lunchtime, and he was starting to get hungry. (He knew Cinder definitely was, too.) I care so much about people, to the point that I’ll put up with their **** because I’m too afraid of what would happen if I just said enough is enough.

After everything Dakota had done, anyone with a semblance of sanity would have given up on her. Washed their hands clean of the manipulative, controlling woman who had already ruined countless lives, and was well on her way to making things worse for everyone around him.

So maybe Nick didn’t have a semblance of sanity, because he couldn’t give up on her. Just like how he couldn’t give up on Cinder and Ella.

I know I can help them heal. I have to try. I can’t let things keep going like this. Nick couldn’t stand the thought of someone he cared about suffering alone. He knew what it felt like to suffer alone. If he could take some of their anguish for himself, he would do it in a heartbeat if it would help them heal a little easier.

Maybe that made him a fool.

“You’re a fool,” Cinder growled at her reflection. She slapped her palm against the mirror so hard that it shook. “You’re a fool, thinking this could work.”

As Nick had predicted, Cinder sought cover in the bathroom once again for the purpose of another private rage attack. The furious latina had held back with Nick ever since they went to see the giraffes, almost treating him politely; because right now, her anger was directed at herself.

“What are you thinking?! There’s no way you can make him happy! A date!? YOU?! Are you fucking insane?!” Cinder could scarcely make out her reflection as tears burned in her eyes. She clenched her teeth and furiously blinked them away, but they kept coming back.

Cinder was Ella’s bulwark. The shield and sword that protected the sensitive side of herself from anyone who would seek to harm her. Not… not someone who could smile and flirt and joke around and have sunny days with some guy!

…Even if it was the guy that Ella was falling for.

“Ella, you fool, you stupid fool…” Cinder paced back and forth around the dingy bathroom, practically pulling her hair out with frustration. Getting angry at her alter wasn’t something she felt comfortable with, but she couldn’t help herself. “YOU should be the one pleasing him! YOU! Not me! I’m… I’m no good at it! Aargh! I don’t care what he says! Making me promise, making me… forcing me to carry out your date on my own!?”

Of course, her reflection said nothing in response. And it wasn’t like Cinder could hear Ella’s side of the story either.

“…It’s pointless, you get that, right?” Cinder snapped again. “He’s not going to like me. I-I don’t want him to like me!”

A lie, and an obvious one. Cinder wanted Nick to like her more than anything. Because if Nick didn’t like her, if he didn’t have fun on this date, then Ella would be crushed.

Somehow, Cinder, despite not having a romantic bone in her body, had to make today as pleasant and enjoyable as possible. If she didn’t, then Nick would be disappointed. All the hard work and preparation Ella had put into today, working herself up and getting dressed up to have a nice date, it would all be for nothing.

Cinder couldn’t let it be for nothing. So even though she had no experience or skill in matters like this, she had to make Ella’s wish come true.

That was the reason she even existed in the first place, right? To make Ella happy?

“That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?” She angrily pleaded with the mirror. “…Right?”

Again, her reflection couldn’t answer her.

It took everything Cinder had to not put her fist through the mirror. It would only hurt her hand, and maybe curse her with seven years of bad luck.

And her life had been so blessed before now.

“…What am I even supposed to do here, huh?” She whimpered, wiping her eyes. She hated feeling like this. Powerless, helpless, weak. Just sitting around and crying?

It reminded her of those awful days. Back… back when she…

Cinder clenched her fists and bit back a frustrated scream. No, no way. She wasn’t going to give into those dark feelings again.

Not a chance.

“…You can do this,” she said, taking a deep breath as she tried to calm herself down. She didn’t have a lot of experience in that regard. “Restraint” wasn’t a word in Cinder’s vocabulary, and not just because she was almost illiterate.

“…Was that your game, then?” Cinder glared furiously at her reflection, imagining it was her other half she was talking to. “Was that why you wanted me to take over? So I’d have to control myself? You’re trying to change me? Is that it? Are you saying… you don’t need me anymore?”

Cinder wasn’t ignorant of the fact that her other self was terrified of her. She knew that Ella wished she wasn’t around. But even if Ella hated Cinder, she needed her. That had always been the case.

A world where Ella didn’t need Cinder to fight her battles for her… what would happen then?

Would I just stop being me?

Cinder furiously splashed some water onto her face to calm down. Cooling off like that helped her regain her focus, and she took another deep breath.

“I’m just going to have to make this work,” she muttered, forcing herself to smile. It looked less like one of Ella’s bubbly, shy expressions, and more like the savage grin of a predatory beast.

Not the effect Cinder was going for. But she was kind of limited on options right now.

“I’m going to make this work,” she reaffirmed, cracking her knuckles. The thought of failure was out of the question.

Ella was trying to change herself. She was trying to find happiness. Even if just for a brief moment before her life restarted, and everything came crumbling down again.

Ella’s happiness is my happiness. If Ella wants this to work, then I’ll do whatever I can. Cinder closed her eyes and pictured Nick’s smiling face. Agh, why did it have to be him!? That guy… he was just so… not right!

But then, she conceded the fact that she’d feel that way about any guy Ella ended up falling for, probably.

At least Nick is trying, I guess. He really does care about her and want her to be happy. Cinder respected that part of him; she even liked it. And while she had little experience in matters of love and the heart, she could tell just how much Nick cared.

And given their situation? That was better than Ella ever could have hoped for, and more than Cinder ever deserved.

So… it’s him. I get it, Ella, okay? I’ll stop getting in the way… and I’ll try to get him to like you. …And me. Cinder vowed. It stung, thinking about it like that. She’d been trying to guard Ella’s heart for so long, to keep her from being hurt again.

But she wanted to believe…

Cinder stormed out of the bathroom with a fire blazing in her eyes. Nick was almost thrown off by the intensity of her gaze. She’d been so withdrawn and contrite since agreeing to try her best that the sudden surge of passion from her caught him by surprise.

“You!” Cinder grabbed him by the collar before he could react, leaning in so closely that she practically slammed their noses together.

“C-Cinder?” Nick stammered, turning red. He knew she had boundary problems but getting this close to him…

“Say you’re sorry!” She demanded.

“S-sorry?” Nick was drawing a blank on what he should be apologizing for. But given it was Cinder, he could imagine it was for just about anything.

“You’ve been ignoring Ella all round!” Cinder growled at him. “She wanted to spend time with you, but you were always with some other girl! Even last night, you ignored her!”

“I… I…” Nick fumbled for something to say, given that Cinder was completely right. But he’d already apologized for that, and he and Ella had made up.

Apparently, Cinder hadn’t gotten the memo.

“…I’m sorry,” he stammered out. “You’re right… I… I was taking her for granted. I didn’t even think… I was just getting pulled in a bunch of directions, I…”

Cinder’s fierce glare caused him to shut down. He swallowed and tried again. “No, that… that’s just an excuse,” he mumbled, lowering his head. “I should have been more attentive to her needs. I promise, I’m going to do better… I’m going to be more attentive moving forward and try to have a sincere relationship with her.”

Many people would have been glad to have so many beautiful women fawning all over them. But Nick wasn’t some sleaze who could enjoy himself without caring about the needs of others. His passivity had made things difficult for people he cared about, and he couldn’t keep going down that road.

So he looked sincerely into Cinder’s eyes, and prayed that she’d see just how much he cared about not making that same mistake again.

“…Fine then.”

To Nick’s shock, Cinder actually let go of his shirt. She stepped back, wearing an expression on her face that he couldn’t decipher. It was like a strange cross between humility, guilt, and frustration, as if now that she’d gotten what she wanted, she was regretting the method of obtaining it.

Did… did she feel bad about losing her temper all of a sudden? That wasn’t at all like the Cinder he’d gotten to know.

As quickly as the expression that might have been contrition had appeared, it vanished. She turned a stern gaze to him again, and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m supporting your relationship with Ella,” she said, glowering at him. “Even though I don’t have those feelings for you… I think… if you tried, you could make Ella happy.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Nick said sincerely. “And I don’t want to make Ella happy, I want to make you happy, too, Cinder.”

Cinder’s cheeks flushed in spite of her nausea. “That… that isn’t necessary,” she mumbled. “Ella’s happiness is my happiness, after all.”

“So does that mean you enjoyed looking at the giraffes?” Nick prodded. “After all, Ella was the one who wanted to see the animals, so if that pleased her-”

“Stop- stop reading into it!” Cinder spat. “I just… don’t you get how hard this is for me?! I’ve never done something like this before, never!”

Nick nodded. “I know you haven’t. But that’s why I’m trying to help you understand it. On our last date, it was all Ella,” he reminded her. “In a way, this is kind of our first date, too.”

“No, our ‘first’ date was when we went shopping,” Cinder reminded him sharply.

Nick blinked. “That was a date for you?”

“Are you saying it wasn’t!?”

Nick held up his hands. “No, not at all, I just would have thought that you’d only be counting dates from when you decided to take things seriously, that’s all.”

“It… going somewhere just the two of us is a date!” Cinder stated, loathing the embarrassed feelings rising up in her chest. “Even if it’s just a fucking dream!”

“Okay, sure,” Nick said, happy to agree with that. “In that case, since this is definitely a date, I just want you to know that I’m as devoted to making it as great of a date as I can. Does that sound good to you, Cinder?”

Cinder sucked on her gums and looked like she wanted to strangle him.

“…I just don’t want Ella to have any regrets about today. We… we’ve already wasted so much time as it is…” she mumbled.

Nick couldn’t argue with that. It felt like they’d been running in circles. Every time he thought that Cinder was willing to give things a shot, she’d always break off and they’d need to have another long conversation.

The woman was tiring… but Nick was finally getting her walls to come down.

“Just so we understand each other, you promise that you won’t do anything to make Ella sad, right?” Cinder asked.

“I can’t promise that,” Nick said honestly. “I’ll do my best, but come on, you know better than anyone that it’s impossible to promise not to hurt someone. Even if you care about someone, sometimes you can do something without knowing and it hurts them.”

Especially when that person was Ella.

Cinder grimaced. She knew Nick was right; even though she and Ella had never conversed, so many of her actions had resulted in causing her other self pain.

“…Just… please try your best,” she begged him, feeling hopeless. But all she could do was plead with him. And pray that everything worked out.

“Of course I’ll try my best,” Nick assured her. He just wished he could guarantee it. “I’ll try to do better than my best, even. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Not Ella, and not you.”

And then Cinder did something Nick never expected.

She smiled.

It was just for a moment. If he’d blinked, he would have missed it. But it was definitely a smile that flickered across her face, before her dour expression returned.

“Then… in that case… we need to make this date the best it can be,” Cinder said firmly. “…So how do we do that?”

“What do you mean?” Nick was still dazzled by that flash of a smile, so his brain wasn’t working at full capacity.

Cinder’s eye twitched. But she **** herself not to lose her temper. “I mean, you’re the one with the fucking experience!” She pointed out angrily. “You know what to do with this shit! So how does it work?! Tell me what to do.”

“What… to do?” Nick was still lost. “Cinder, there’s not some magic formula to a successful date, you know that.”

“Aargh, I know, but…” Cinder scrambled her hair in frustration. “This has to be perfect! Okay?! After all Ella’s hard work, it HAS to be perfect!”

“I agree with your sentiment, but there’s no such thing as a perfect date,” Nick pointed out.

“I know that! You think I don’t know that!?” Damn it! DAMN IT! She was already blowing this! Why couldn’t she just shut her fucking mouth!?

“Cinder, for you, a ‘perfect’ date is a date where all of Ella’s hard work is rewarded, right?” Nick tried a different method, logic. Because that always worked so well with the firebrand in front of him. “She put a lot of effort and work into today; you don’t want it to go to waste?”

“That’s right,” Cinder said with a sharp nod. “It’s gotta be perfect!”

They both knew that was impossible, but Nick appreciated the sentiment, anyway.

“Well, Ella wanted to learn more about me, and more importantly, she wanted me to learn more about her. And about you, as a result,” Nick said, trying to see things from Ella’s perspective.

Cinder nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought too, so… how do I do that.”

“Well, let me ask you, then. We’re at a zoo. Is there another animal you want to see?” Nick questioned. “Because I think Ella would be satisfied if we just walked around and had fun together.”

He’d been trying to do that all day, but Cinder kept being difficult.

“I… I don’t know,” Cinder admitted, averting her eyes. “Ella was the one who liked animals, me… I don’t… I mean… …Why don’t you pick? Something I’ll like, though, not a stupid fish or anything like that!”

Ouch. If Cinder represented Ella’s candor, she really must not have liked the aquarium.

“…I think I have an idea,” Nick said, as a risky notion occurred to him. “But you promise you’re going to keep an open mind and try to enjoy yourself?”

“I already told you I would,” Cinder muttered. “Don’t make me say it again.”

She tried her smile again. It hurt her face. And she couldn’t see it, but she knew it wasn’t anything like the smile Nick was making.

“Aww, look at you two! You’re both smiling! I knew giving you some time to yourselves was the right call!” Nola popped in to spoil the moment, back from her break. The withering glare from Cinder washed right off her.

“Nola… hey,” Nick mumbled, waving at her. “You showed up just in time, actually. I have a new idea about what exhibit to go to next.”