Aladdin is a bisexual street player

“Stop, thief!” cried the merchant, as Aladdin dashed through the streets, a bottle of wine hugged under his arm and a small pouch of coins jankling in his pockets.

The streets of Agrabah were a rough and wild place to grow up, especially when you were a homeless street orphan like Aladdin. But most orphans didn’t have what Aladdin had; the best looking smile in the kingdom and a serious lack of morals.

Aladdin would often tell stories about how poor and innocent he was to his various seduction targets around the city. That all he could do was beg and scrape, that he had to steal bread to feed himself and his pet monkey, that he sometimes had to share what he had with other even smaller orphans.

It was all bullshit, obviously. But his sob stories always made the horny, lonely housewives of Agrabah feel particularly giving with their husbands’ coins when Aladdin came to booty call.

This particular merchant that Aladdin had recently robbed had a wife who was particularly fond of wine, and when he came by later on tonight she was sure to-

OOF!

As he was turning down an alley, to climb up the the abandoned loft Aladdin called home, a sudden fist slammed into his stomach and knocked the wind out of him.