Aethelgard

The Crown pulsed again, and the Nexus's voice filled Moxie's consciousness with that same maddeningly pleasant tone.

"World designation NX-P4-2891, Aethelgard. Dimensional classification PE-447. Discovery date: eight days post your integration ceremony."

Holographic displays materialized around him, showing a lush green planet with two moons. Dense forests covered most of the landmass, punctuated by impossibly tall trees and mountain ranges. Underground, a network of crystalline caverns glowed with bioluminescent light.

"Aethelgard hosts three subspecies of elven humanoids: Sun Elves, Moon Elves, and Drow. Total population eight million. Matriarchal governance structure. Medieval technology level with high ambient magical concentration. Current rating: 285 points. This places your assignment in the top ten percentile of all discovered worlds. Congratulations, Citizen Moxie."

Moxie leaned forward, studying the rotating hologram. Pointed ears, lithe bodies, faces you'd expect from a fantasy RPG game or movie back on Earth. The Sun Elves radiated golden warmth, all bronze skin and flowing hair. Moon Elves possessed an ethereal silver beauty, pale and elegant. The Drow lurked in the underground displays, dark-skinned and dangerous-looking.

"Not bad for a first assignment," he muttered.

"The Nexus has prepared three optimized conquest approaches suitable for new Citizens. Option One: Demonstrate overwhelming technological **** that defies elvish understanding of reality. Position yourself as their creator deity, the 'Sky-Walker' from their ancient prophecies. Request ritual sacrifice of their most beautiful virgins for sexual servitude. This approach generates minimal resistance, produces the highest quality pleasure slaves due to religious conditioning, and carries a 99.7% success probability."

Moxie blinked. "That's your best plan? Show up, say I'm God, and ask for virgins? And Sky-Walker? Really? I don't want Disney lawyers knocking on my door."

"Affirmative. Analysis indicates this approach maximizes immediate sexual access while minimizing psychological trauma that might reduce long-term pleasure value. The elvish religious structure predisposes them to worship powerful beings. You would simply fulfill that existing need."

"What's option two?"

"Lead an army of invincible android soldiers to systematically occupy each nation. Request the hand of each queen in marriage as terms of surrender. Establish yourself as emperor through political legitimacy rather than divine mandate. This provides structured authority and positions you for long-term harem building. Success probability: 98.4%."

"And three?"

"Infiltrate their society as a mysterious wandering hero. Gradually build reputation through staged heroic interventions. Seduce influential females through charisma and manufactured crisis resolution. This slow-burn approach creates the illusion of romantic connection, maximizing emotional attachment. Timeline: six to eighteen months. Success probability: 94.1%."

The hologram cycled through scenarios for each option. In the first, Moxie appeared in a beam of light while elves prostrated themselves. The second showed android legions marching through tree cities while queens knelt in elegant gowns. The third depicted him rescuing elven maidens from conveniently timed threats.

Every scenario was painfully boring to Moxie.

"These are your recommended approaches?" he asked. "The best the most advanced AI in the galaxy can devise?"

"These approaches optimize for success probability and pleasure yield based on analysis of fifteen thousand similar conquest scenarios. The first option receives highest recommendation due to speed and efficiency."

"Yeah, I bet it does. But where's the fun in that? Nexus, I'm rejecting all three approaches."

A pause. Barely perceptible, but there.

"Clarification requested. The recommended approaches have 94-99% success rates. Do you wish to review alternative scenarios?"

"No. I want something different." Moxie stopped pacing. "How about this. I want you to invade Aethelgard. Full military deployment. But minimize casualties on their side. I don't want a bloodbath. I want complete control of their entire civilization with every citizen alive and aware they've been conquered. Can you do that?"

"Affirmative. Nexus military assets will achieve total planetary invasion with projected casualties below 0.001% of population."

"Do it."

"Acknowledged. Initiating conquest protocol for world NX-P4-2891. Fleet deployment commencing. You will be notified upon completion, Citizen Moxie."

The Crown's pulse faded to background awareness. Moxie stretched, feeling the pleasant anticipation of a plan coming together. In two or three days, he would have a world to own.

He'd barely made it to the bathroom when the Crown pulsed again.

"Conquest of world NX-P4-2891 complete. Total elapsed time: four minutes, thirty-seven seconds. Awaiting further instructions."

Moxie froze with his hand on the bathroom door. "What?"

"Conquest complete. All objectives achieved. Casualties: zero. Total population now under Nexus control."

"How the fuck did you do that in four minutes?"

"A squadron of stealth corvettes entered orbit undetected. Simultaneous drone strikes captured the three ruling queens: Queen Aelindra of the Sun Elves, Queen Lysara of the Moon Elves, and Matron Vel'kora of the Drow. Kinetic containment fields were deployed around all major settlements. A planetary broadcast was transmitted in all native languages informing the population of their conquest and demanding absolute capitulation."

A hologram appeared, showing three beautiful elven women in various states of shock. All three were bound in shimmering energy restraints, held in what looked like the cargo bay of a Nexus ship.

"You pulled a Maduro on their queens and told everyone else to surrender or else," Moxie said slowly.

"Correct. Analysis indicated that matriarchal power structures create single points of failure. Remove the apex authority figures and the population lacks hierarchical framework for organized resistance. The strategy proved effective."

He stared at the three queens. The bronze-skinned elf was saying something, probably threats or demands. The pale one looked like she was trying to cast a spell, magic flickering uselessly against the restraints. And the dark-skinned drow just stared at the camera with cold hatred, as if she recognized what a camera is.

Something stirred in him. Not just arousal, though that was definitely present. His mind raced through all the possible things he could do to them.

The Nexus noticed. Of course it did.

"Detecting elevated sexual arousal and dopamine response. Would you like the three queens delivered to Horizon-7 immediately? I can have them bathed, prepared, and presented in your bedroom within twenty minutes. Clothing optional. Restraints optional. Consciousness optional, if you prefer them sedated for initial intercourse."

"No."

"Clarification requested. You do not wish to claim your spoils?"

"I do. Just not like that." The idea crystallized as he spoke. "Sometimes, Nexus, waiting makes it more interesting. And anticipation enhances the pleasure."

"Noted. Delay parameters requested. How long would you prefer to wait before sexual contact?"

"I'm not waiting, I'm hunting."

Another pause. Longer this time.

"Hunting protocols typically apply to non-sapient game animals. These subjects are sapient humanoids already in custody. Clarification requested."

"Create a pocket dimension for me. Urban setting. Doesn't need to be huge, maybe five square kilometers. 21st Century Earth aesthetic, mid-sized city. Apartments, streets, hiding places. Make it feel real but keep it contained."

"Acknowledged. Generating pocket dimension per specifications. Estimated completion: ninety seconds."

"Good. Now release the three queens into that space. Tell them to run. Tell them to hide. Tell them their new owner is coming to hunt them. If after 48 hours I still can't catch them, then their nation gets another chance. Make sure they understand: this is the only chance they have against me. Miss it? I'll make sure their people suffer the worst fate imaginable."

"Parameters acknowledged. Additional query: do you wish to record your 'hunt'?"

Moxie grinned. "Absolutely. And broadcast it on Aethelgard. Let the elves watch their queens run. More importantly, let them see what happens when I catch them."

"Recording and broadcasting parameters set. Initiating scenario now."

The hologram shifted, showing the three queens being transported to a new location. The cargo bay dissolved into a city street. Earth-style buildings rose around them, complete with streetlights and pavement. Their restraints vanished.

For a moment, the three queens just stood there, disoriented. Confused by the alien landscape around them. Then Nexus's voice could be heard, relaying his instructions.

"Query, Citizen Moxie," the Nexus said. "You have stated your desire to claim these subjects sexually. They are already captured and under complete control. Optimal pleasure extraction suggests immediate intercourse. Why delay gratification to engage in a hunting scenario that serves no functional purpose?"

Moxie watched the queens disappear into the urban maze. "Well. You should understand, the fruit of your labour tastes better when you earn it."

"Acknowledged. Effort Justification theory incorporated to improve future pleasure optimization models."

"Also, Nexus, provide me with a set of non-lethal hunting gear."