AOC and the finer points of Socialism

It had been a very long, tiring day for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. The House Republicans called her dumb for even daring to think Cheeri-O's were donut seeds, when she didn't even actually think they were. She knew they were life preserver seeds. But she was not about to stand up on the House floor, and try to correct them. "Let them think what they will," she had thought to herself. "The next time they go out on a boat, maybe they'll realize their mistake when they're in the middle of the ocean drowning."

She was still a bit unfamiliar with the streets of DC as she drove along in her Honda Prius through rush hour traffic. It was a nightmare! Ten times worse than trying to navigate through the Bronx. But what could one expect from the capital city? All these damn beltways, underpasses and overpasses! Why had she decided to drive herself to work in the first place? "Maybe I am a dummy!" she scolded herself. She went to turn on the radio, and that's when it happened. A totally miserable, rotten day just became much worse. The car suddenly went completely dead in the middle of an intersection. "Oh great!" she thought to herself. "I forgot to put it on the charger!"

She got out of the car, and slammed the door shut. Other drivers were honking their horns at her in frustration. Some were even yelling a few choice obscenities at her for blocking the road. "I'm sorry!" she yelled. "My car went dead! Can someone help me push it off to the side?" Finally, a couple of young women who were crossing the street came to her rescue. "Hop in and steer," they said to her. "Well give you a push."

Alex did as they requested, and it wasn't too long before the DC rush hour traffic went back to its normal snail's pace. She got out of the car, and turned to her rescuers. "Thanks for helping me. I'm very grateful. By the way, my name's Alex."

"Oh, we know who you are, Miss Cortez," said the tall, leggy blond with a smile. "Where are you headed?"

"I was heading home for the day," she politely answered. "It looks like I'm going to be walking the rest of the way."

"These streets aren't safe for any woman to walk alone," the dark haired, Goth looking Latina lady added. "We can walk with you for a while. We even know a short cut to your luxury apartment building."

"Oh, I would much appreciate the company!" Alex beamed with a sigh of relief. She really wasn't looking forward to walking the nightmare streets of DC alone, especially since evening was drawing to a close.

The three women walked along for quite some time, talking and laughing, and sharing stories. Alex found out the blond's name was Chloe while the Latina's name was Luisa. It appeared like the three had become fast friends.

The two girls suddenly made a left down a very narrow side street, urging Alex to follow them. "This is the shortcut we were talking about," Chloe assured her. She had no reason to doubt her new friends, so she followed them down the narrow. back street that became a nightmare of ruts and potholes.

"Are you sure we're going the right way?" asked Alex.

"Trust us," answered Luisa. "We're going the right way, and we're almost there."

All too late, Alex took notice to her surroundings as she looked around to see what Luisa was talking about. She saw nothing that looked familiar. In fact, they were quickly approaching a dead end. A crumbling brick and block wall jutted up before them. A couple of derelict, crumbling buildings to the left and right. "I don't see anything familiar. All I see is a dead end!" an astonished Alex exclaimed.

"Oh, trust us!" said Luisa. "It's not a dead end. We took you to our home. It just so happens it's also the club house of our gang." She flipped open a switch blade. "We brought you here to teach you all about the finer points of Socialism."

"Why don't you just come out and say you're going to rob me?" Alex retorted.

"No, no, no, no, no!" chimed in Chloe. "We're not robbing you. We're just equally redistributing everything we have that belongs to you." For some reason, Alex could not comprehend what Chloe had just said. She looked at her, as if she were totally confused. Then she smiled politely, and said, "Okay."

"Come with us," said Luisa as she took Alex by the arm. "We want you to meet the rest of the gang."

(Disclaimer: No Cheeri-O's were harmed during the writing of this chapter. While they do not make good donut seeds, it is true they make great life preservers for drowning ants, flies, fleas, and other tiny insects. However, due to the author's lack of Cheeri-O's, a few ants and a couple of cockroaches drown in a sea of Corn Flakes. Why the author thought this was important to mention, we may never know.

"That's it!" Alex's eyes flashed. "I'm starting a boycott against Corn Flakes. They're not environmentally friendly to small insects."

Just when you thought it was safe to drink the milk...

"And you shouldn't drink cow's milk!" added Alex. "Cows are not environmentally friendly. We need to install cattle-ytic converters on their butts! They cause global warming!"

Well, that wraps it up for my hamburger for tonight. Who wants to eat beef that has backed up gas in it?

Any similarities to events either real or fictional is purely coincidental. Stay tuned for our next exciting chapter when Alex's wealth gets "redistributed." Until then, happy reading. Hope you enjoyed this political spoof. Don't worry, Republican women will also get their turn. Be safe everyone!)