ALICE Ch 326

All of the things that Lora doesn’t like about Italy suddenly bother her less when she’s out with Bianca. Having an actual Italian on hand makes it much easier to get around.

The night is warm, and it’s late. This open-air, rooftop bar isn’t really Lora’s type of place. She doesn’t fit in, and Bianca isn’t helping. For tonight’s date, Bianca has put on a little strapless crochet minidress. She looks breathtaking under the Edison lights, and her makeup and jewelry seem selected specifically to make Lora feel crude and boorish. Just the thought of wearing something like that dress is enough to give Lora a panic attack.

Bianca always radiates warmth, and Lora doesn’t know how she does it.

“You are not relaxed,” Bianca says, leaning on the table. Her twinkly gaze is inescapable, not that Lora wants to escape, exactly. She glitters: her hair, her earrings, her lipstick.

Here it comes. Bianca’s going to think that Lora doesn’t like her.

Lora chooses honesty. “I’m insecure. Not because I don’t like you. Because I do.” Although Lora is a little annoyed, in seriousness. It can’t be lost on Bianca that she’s way out of Lora’s league. She could at least be conscious of that and find a way to be considerate about it instead of presenting as perfection and making it look so easy. If she really likes Lora, why doesn’t she come out in a hoodie with no makeup?

“What are you afraid of?” Bianca wears an almost playful expression as she asks the question, and that makes it less insufferable.

“What am I afraid of? Do you have any idea how much therapy I’ve done?” Lora asks.

Bianca’s smile widens and she gestures invitingly.

Lora snorts, but she’s smiling now. Is this Bianca’s doing? “I said that I’m uncomfortable, and you think the solution is for me to tell you embarrassing, personal stuff?”

Bianca squints, looking extra thoughtful. Lora nearly does a spit take. Then she takes a deep breath. She matches Bianca’s posture leaning on the table so that they’re eye to eye.

“You really want to know?”

Bianca nods.

“Rejection. I’m scarred. I’m not good with people. I’m very stressed.” Lora swallows. “My career is not going well. I’ve been sacked by one driver and my team is struggling, to say the least. I never think I’m good enough.”

“I’m not rejecting you. I asked you to come out with me.”

“I know. These are feelings. Feelings are not always rational,” Lora explains patiently. “Although in my case, they are. You’re sweet and beautiful. I’m me. And I’ve gained half a stone in two months. And I know you want to sleep with me anyway. Half of me is afraid you’ll lose interest straightaway, and the other half thinks you won’t even make it that far because if you see me with my clothes off you’ll suddenly remember that you have something important to do.”

Bianca’s no longer smiling. Now she looks sympathetic. It’s almost worse. She obviously doesn’t know what to say.

Lora finishes off her wine. “I know. I know. I should’ve just acted confident and taken my chances. It’s obvious now that I’ve cocked it up. As usual.”

Bianca smiles hesitantly.