ALICE Ch 232

Bright lights shine on the three simple chairs.

The managers of Williams Racing sit looking none too youthful, yet as full of energy as ever. The producer stoically does not wrinkle her nose at the smell of gin. Clarkson suppresses a belch.

“Well,” Hammond says brightly, eyes sparkling. “That was a bloodbath.”

“Clusterfuck,” May agrees. “Biblical.”

“I thought,” Clarkson says, lacing his fingers together. “It was an accurate representation of the duality of things going nicely and also being buggered that is the tapestry of life.”

“Could not be more proud of Missy,” Hammond goes on. “Brilliant drive.”

“Naturally, our hearts go out to the less fortunate,” May adds considerately.

“I would say that we have been very pleased with our time in Austria,” Hammond says with a nod. “Good racing. Good beer. Good entertainment.”

Clarkson makes a sympathetic little hissing noise. “Yes. Yes, indeed. While I believe it is a truth well recognized that there is nothing more gourmet than schadenfreude, the real treat is not the suffering of others, but rather the distance between ourselves and that suffering.”

“Bit like the Cool Zone in history,” May cuts in. “Fun to read about. Not so fun to live in.”

“You refer, of course, to the situation with FUTA and Freedom,” the producer says.

“Oh, just FUTA. Freedom’s got nothing to worry about except the car. The FUTA car slowed down unexpectedly,” May says with a shrug. “It’s a wonder this didn’t happen sooner. Glynda Darcy should be thanking her lucky stars,” he adds seriously.

“Yeah,” Hammond agrees with a nod. “Dear me. That could’ve been much worse. Much worse indeed. They always say that in this sport the highs are very high and the lows are very low, which is apt.”

“But they don’t say anything about the stickies. The stickies are very sticky,” Clarkson says with the utmost gravity.

“Is that a word?” May blurts. “Making it plural like that? Or have you done that yourself?”

“I am a pioneer.” Clarkson crosses his legs, folds his hands in his lap, and shrugs modestly. “In linguistics as well as television presenting.”

“We’ve talked about this,” Hammond scolds him.

“That isn’t a word, is it? I mean, colloquially mayhap,” May says to the producer, then gets out his phone and begins to type with his thumbs. “I’m looking it up,” he announces.

“Next question,” Clarkson tells the producer.

Austrian Grand Prix Results:

1. Verstappen (Red Bull) 25
2. Flores (Freedom) 18
3. Sainz (Ferrari) 15
4. Wilde (FUTA) 12
5. Bottas (Aston Martin) 10
6. Hamilton (Mercedes) 8
7. Woodcock, M. (Williams) 6
8. Norris (McLaren) 4
9. LeClerc (Ferrari) 2
10. Tanaka (Mercedes) 1
11. Alonso (Aston Martin)
12. Ocon (AlphaTauri)
13. Pattinson (McLaren)
14. Ricciardo (Haas)
15. Woodcock, S. (Williams)
16. Magnussen (Haas)

DNF Laaksi (AlphaTauri)

DNF Darcy (FUTA)

DNF Dunham (Freedom)

DNF Perez (Red Bull)