A world of DC and Marvel heroes and villians living side by side

Pepper closed the doors behind her as the private meeting was about to start. Bruce Wayne sat in the chair on one side of the table in his black suit and white shirt. Tony sat across from Bruce and primmed the collar of his white suit with black silk shirt and sunglasses. Both kept staring at each other for a long second. Their faces stern and set marble still.

“Emo Rocker,” Tony snapped out.

“Pop Diva,” Bruce retorted.

“Charity whore,” Tony tilted his head slightly.

“Telemarathon hack,” Bruce leaned in slightly.

“Gadgets,” Tony smiled.

“Mechanical Heart?” Bruce arched an eyebrow.

“Vamperella Bait,” Tony half smiled.

“That’s rich coming from the man who has directly or indirecetly slept with everyone alive on this planet,” Bruce put his hands on the table.

“Oh you know that is untrue!” Tony pointed at Bruce, “I have always been trying to nail your pussy cat and she keeps blowing me off for her bat fetish!”

“I don’t know what will piss of Selina more,” Bruce leaned back, “You calling her ‘My Pussy Cat,’ or saying she has a ‘Bat Fetish,’ either way, you are not getting in her panties now.”

There was a pause that lasted some seconds.

“And she was the last cat on my bingo card…” Tony sighed.

Both men broke out laughing. Bruce cracked a half smile and leaned in.

“So honestly, why the face to face? You are normally Mister Facetime,” Bruce asked.

“Shut your whore mouth,” Tony snapped, “You know damn well Stark Tech’s There Video Telepresence software is vastly superior to Apple’s basic preloaded crap.”

“Yeah, because Tim and Barbara wrote it for you so you wouldn’t tell me about Dick, Barbara, Tim and Steph sneaking off to Malibu for an sexy time weekend instead of the Titan’s mission they were suppose to be on,” Bruce leaned back smiling.

“Like you don’t exploit child labor,” Tony smiled then switched to a gruff base voice, “Batgirl, Robin, Wash the Batmobile, 2 coats of Bat-wax!”

“Like hell, Alfred doesn’t trust them to do anything,” Bruce said, “Alfred even taught them to disarm bombs and he won’t let the bugger put that skill to practical use. You have still not answered the real question.”

“This is suppose to be an intervention,” Tony said.

Bruce looked to his left the ten empty seats in a row, then to his right at the other ten empty seats, then to the left and right of Tony and the empty seats on either side of the other executive.

“Someone must have a lot of faith in your slippery tongue,” Bruce muttered.

“Would you believe I was the only one not scared to have a sit-down with you?” Tony stood up.

“And Dick was scared I was giving people too many warm fuzzies lately,” Bruce snickered.

“Yeah, but seriously,” Tony said as he walked over to a cabinet, “Steve thinks you are one Joker Night away from going full on Castle on the world.”

“I think it should be clear that breaking his arms and legs is about the only way to keep him from hurting people for any length of time without killing him,” Bruce said, “If we amputated, he would instanly change his tactics… instead he waits to heal.”

“Sure,” Tony said, “Drink? I go Fiji water.”

“Sure,” Bruce said.

“That isn’t the concern,” Tony pulled two bottles out and turned back to the table, “The concern is that you are too wrapped up in your mission and don’t take time to release your stress. What do you do to release your stress?”

“Catwoman and hospitalize muggers that use guns,” Bruce took the bottle Tony tossed to him.

“You see that is the warm fuzzies that Dick was tell you about,” Tony sat down, “Seriously, Steve was watching the video you let leak last week.”

“What?” Bruce asked, “We both know that was strategically released, I wasn’t getting sloppy.”

“That’s not what scared Steve,” Tony smiled, “Logan was complementing your take downs and their brutal effectiveness.”

“Ah,” Bruce exaggerated, “And here I thought Steve and Clark were trading Batman stories at the last Scout Jamboree.”

“No, not this time,” Tony smiled.

“Why did Steve just call me…” Bruce put his hand over his face, “He still hasn’t figured out how to use a smart phone yet has he?”

“Funny story about that…” Tony looked at Bruce, “Last weekend Logan’s little sisters all came to spend time with Uncle Wolvie…”

“They aren’t that little anymore,” Bruce noted.

“You don’t have to tell me, they were hanging out in my pool in bikinis… So, while Kitty, Lauren, Jubilee and Rogue are all driving Logan crazy, Doreen and Wanda took Steven with them to the mall for some BS reason, and they stopped at a cellphone store…”

Bruce rolled his eyes and took a drink.

“And what were you up to at this time?” Bruce interrupted.

“It went with Pepper and a team down to Pendleton to sell the Marines an automated 105 Counter Battery system,” Tony shrugged.

“You mean the project Luthor and Hammer are going toe to toe for?” Bruce asked.

“I figured you would approve of sending them into a tizzy with a fully operational system I had laying around in the back room,” Tony smiled.

“Let me guess, you cooked it up when you were waiting for Hal and Carol to finish their lovers tiff at the Stark Expo last year?” Bruce asked.

“Close I was working on it while Congress was grilling use about the private funds being used for the Watch Tower Program,” Tony said.

“Ah… So while you were at the Marine Base, Squirrely and the Witch were trying to get pinnacle of 1939 technology a smart phone,” Bruce said.

“Right…” Tony said, “And when I got back, Steve still had a fake rotary phone in his room and I found Doreen and Wanda passed out on the floor of my penthouse with the entire liquor cabinet three fourths empty and on the floor with them.”

“Go on,” Bruce put his elbows on the table and folded his hands in front of his face.

“Well Pepper and Nat put them to bed,” Tony said, “and I put away what was left of the mess and locked it up. I should have tossed them, lord knows I wanted to finish a bottle or two, but I opted instead to just lock them away and not let my demons win or rule my actions in the other way either.”

“Friday, Override code Chiroptera, go to time code video, pull from secure feed storage Monday. Override Code Oracle Cardinal,” Bruce barked to the computer.

A video came on the monitor at the far end of the table to Bruce’s left. It was Tony picking up and looking at each bottle long and hard before putting the top back on and then putting them away in the cabinet before closing the doors and locking them away from him behind the glass doors.

Bruce looked at Tony.

“Cardinal?” Tony asked.

“Nickname Dick gave Tim,” Bruce rolled his eyes, “Bird thing.”

“Right…” Tony said.

“Is Clint really going to challenge Oliver at the Olympics?” Bruce asked.

“Well if anyone is dumb enough to make a fool of themselves in such a grand public venue,” Tony said, “It’s those two. Any word on Namor?”

“Cooped up in his corner of the north Atlantic,” Bruce shrugged, “He refuses to recognize Arthur’s authority, despite Arthur’s claiming the thrown and Trident of Atlan and winning the title of Ocean Master from Orm.”

“Is it war?” Tony asked.

“No,” Bruce said, “From what I understand it is a sort of cold war… His people are still trading with the other cities and colonies, but they are refusing to pay the crown tithe and Arthur seems willing to let things go so long as Namor doesn’t go off on any hairbrained schemes.”

“Define hairbrained scheme,” Tony said.

“Kidnap and marry Sue Storm, attack the UN in New York, start World War 3…” Bruce muttered.

“Why do all the scum bags want to marry Sue Storm?” Tony asked, “Doom, Namor, Luthor, Lobo asked her out last time he raided the UN building… Even Joker tried to get her to agree to a date.”

“Well Joker was doing it as a parody,” Bruce said, “Everyone else was doing it so he figured he had to lampoon the trend.”

“Laughing boy’s lampoons involve a lot of harpoon missiles,” Tony noted dryly.

“There is a reason no one in Gotham finds him funny,” Bruce retorted.

“Seriously,” Tony said, “Try to relax a bit, other wise Steve will worry himself a few grey hairs.”

The pair stood up and walked to the closed door. They opened them and found Pepper standing outside waiting calmly. Bruce looked around and spotted a young lady with a deliver shirt and bundle of flowers.

“Who is she?” Bruce asked.

“Relax,” Pepper said, “Normal people send their loved one flowers at work from time to time. Not every rose is a biochemical weapon.”

“You’ll forgive me,” Bruce noted, “I live in Gotham.”