A werewolf couple, by salam123

“Well, Gina, it is a bit late but looks like you finally get your Halloween story.”

“Fuck you, Sarckle!”

“err...yes, at any rate we are reading A werewolf couple, by salam123"

“Is it a lesbian werewolf couple?”

“Well, we can customize the names.”

“Ugh...wait a minute…”

“Yes?”

“ISN’T THIS THAT TWILIGHT SHIT?”

“Indeed, it is a continuation of less talk, more action, by salam123 but since it is a new story it also receives a brand spanking new review.”

“Let’s see, the entire first chapter of this is just a writers information. Great.”

“And it also commits the worst writer sin possible. Saying “without further ado” and then furthering the ado.”

“This is off to a swell start.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

“Alright we get a character list and a map. Always nice when author do that. I like maps.”

“Apparently the werewolves and vampires are locked into global warfare with actual frontlines and all that shit. Sound pretty epic, right? Unfortunately that’s not the story salam wants to tell us.”

“But I have to say...a link instead of an actual picture? Chuckle Looks like somebody doesn’t know how to embed pictures. How adorable.”

“Yeah, nothing’s more cute then incompetence."

“Read this and expand your horizon author! No longer will you have to clumsily post a link!”

“Can we start with the fucking story, Marcie?”

“By all means, go for it.”

“So, first actual chapter and it’s basically just a bunch of people talking about random shit. There is barely any description accompanying the dialog. Feels like some of the garbage Gambio writes.”

“Hm yes, I believe that was a critique we mentioned last time.”

"I don't even understand what's happening, don't worry about it."

“Yeah, pretty much how I feel trying to make sense of this dialog infested excuse of a story.”

“Even looking purely at the narrative. It is rather confusing. The story basically picks up right where the last one ended. And sure, the author does suggest that we read that one first, but even so there should have been a summary at the start.”

"It was, he was drained of power..."

"So what's up?"

"I just wanted to talk to you..."

"Is everything ok?"

"Well... I'm kind of scared that I'm going to transform back into the werewolf..."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how I was transformed when you found me?"

"Yes?"

“This fucking dialog, I swear. And no we didn’t edit out the narration. It’s confusing as shit! Is that what people feel when they read our reviews, Marcie?

“Don’t worry, Gina. We are more witty.”

“I’m not worried, I want the fucks who read this to suffer.”

“Ehem, let’s proceed, shall we?”

“You know, I was a bit worried the whole story would just be people talking about meaningless bullshit nobody cares about. But that’s only about 70% of it. The rest is filled with sex.”

“Max and Jenny are having video sex. It is rather cute.”

“Yeah, but they still manage to botch it up. Jenny falls to the ground and her dad walks in.”

“Luckily we get a proper sex scene not long after.”

“Luckily. Right.”

You let yourself be taken away by the pleasure that her pussy provides, and soon your own orgasm hits you, one so powerful that you feel it from your toes to the top of your head. You bury yourself deep inside her and cum.

“That is not how the male orgasm works.”

“Oh, you’re an expert in that, aren’t you, Marcie?”

“But I must say, I am a bit surprised how...decent the sex scene is. Did it rock my socks off? Hardly. But it seems like salam is capable of writing descriptive scenes. She just decides not to most of the time. Also, funnily enough, the grammar itself is near impeccable.”

“Well, she got that one over Gambio.”

"As you know, he can control his transformation and he can spread it to others. You get to sleep with him so he gives you that power every time he cums in you."

“Little bit of advice, whenever you start a sentence with “as you know” your exposition is clumsy and in need of refinement. Find a way to provide that information more naturally.”

“ugghhh…”

“Please use actual words, Gina.”

“I get that same feeling I have when reading a google story.”

“Oh, come on. It is not that bad.”

“Your right, it’s worse. At least I can follow the plot of google’s newer stories. There is just so much random shit in this that it just makes me glaze over. Like now they are in a house torturing some milf, it’s just ugggghhhhh!”

“I believe the problem is that salam doesn’t really account for her readers. She no doubt has a perfect grasp on the plot and all the characters but the reader does not. To give context, Max and the new Alpha of the pack, Edward, invade the house of Amanda to question her. Matters escalate. Sounds simple enough, but the way this is all set up, the reasoning for it, character motivations et cetera. It is all surprisingly hard to follow.”

“Doesn’t help that the actual plot relevant stuff is squeezed between so much fucking smalltalk with characters who all talk the exact same.”

“Yes, since this story is extremely dialog heavy, it is even more important to give every character a distinct voice. Please keep in mind that the average erotica reader has a rather meager intellect. Why, some of our listeners struggle to even keep us two apart.”

"What?"

"I had nothing to do with your little bitch!"

"Answer the damn question, did you tell anybody?"

"Ha! You think she can still hide after spending days in captivity"

"Listen here ..."

"Everybody knows what she is!"

“This is a conversation between three people, good luck figuring out who says what. I don’t even fucking get what they are talking about!”

“Hm and now we are having a scene.”

“I like how Max is just turning around and let the other fuck do the rapeing. And because we are seeing things from his perspective, we barely witness anything.”

“For once the little use of narration does work in the story’s favor. This particular scene is actually fairly effective in illustrating how horrible this all is. Max does eventually intervene however.”

"You want to fight? I'll give you a fight!" He yells and starts punching towards you. Fully transformed, you barely see his fist as it hits you straight in the head making you wobble a few steps back. He continues his attack as you raise your hands up to defend your head. In a move to make him stop, you throw yourself towards him smashing him into the bookcase on the opposite wall. Books start raining down over both of you.

“The two big bad wolf boys are now duking it out inside this huge ass mansion and nobody hears this?”

“Well, the daughter does show up, Gina.”

“But not because of the noise. Salami even goes out of her way to point that out.”

“Incidentally, that daughter is the girlfriend of Max’s best friend, making her mother a bit awkward. Oh, teen drama.”

You rip her blouse with one smooth move downwards and her breasts bounce open. She shriek but your hand over her mouth does a good job keeping the rest of the house from hearing her.

“Oh, now you care about not making a sound? Bit fucking late for that! Dipshit!”

“As I was saying last review. There is some genuine comedic potential in this. But unfortunately, the story plays all of it very straight.”

"Don't yell! You don't want people to get killed, do you?"

"That's what I'm talking about. Like mother like daughter" yells Edward.

“Is this just a shitpost, Marcie? Nobody can be this fucking oblivious!”

“Edward in this scene can best be described as a moronic, murderous . Which is a bit weird given that he was introduced as someone fairly smart and reasonable. And sure, maybe this was just a facade. But characters in this tend to be exactly as intelligent as the plots demand them to be.”

“Which was the same with the last Alpha, Eric. Why even bother killing one dickbag off just to replace him with his identical twin?”

“Well, Gina, looks like you get your desired lesbian action, pffft. Good for you.”

“Absolutely hilarious, Marcie. So, the mother and daughter now have sex because...I don’t know. Is there a reason for any of this shit?”

“Well, there is, but it all feels rather convoluted. Maybe that’s supposed to be the point but in that case Max just comes across as a gullible fool for going along with Edward’s perversions.”

“The mother daughter couple gets turned into werewolves and join the pack. Because that’s what you do when you get . No, seriously, am I missing something here? The daughter bitches about it a bit but that’s it. It’s not even like they are held captive, they are just part of the good guys now.”

“It is a rare feeling that I am just as lost as you, Gina.”

“The next twenty or so chapter is just Max having sex and hunting deer. And a whole bunch of small talk. God, this story is exhausting to read.”

“It is rather frustrating because salam can write expansive scenes, but refuses to do so with anything that isn’t sex or killing animals.”

“We are at chapter fifty and it looks like finally something exiting is about to happen. Unfortunately, we hit our fifty chapter cap, so we are done!”

“Let me summarize what happens in these fifty chapters. The packs gets a new alpha. Said alpha and Max went out to a mother and daughter, converting her to the pack. Then they go hunting deer. Twice.”

“That shit should not take fifty fucking chapters to convey! Like holy fuck these guys were talking about going to hunt for fucking ages, as if that was this huge massive thing that needs a big build up. Hey author! If your huge exciting thing of the story is going deer hunting then your doing something wrong! Stop wasting time on all of this meaningless, inane, stupid, fucking...”

“Gina, calm down.”

“Ugggghhhhh!!!”

“But it is certainly a fact that this story needs fat trimming. The small talk is an obvious candidate for that. Most of it is just fluff that can be scrapped without losing anything of value. Dialog is a tricky thing to get right. Less is often more.”

“Maybe kill off some characters like you promised. I don’t give a flying fuck about any of them. Usually, I can at least hate someone, Actually wait, I like the talking cat. The cat’s cool. Unfortunately, the cat barely shows up.”

“The cat is named Archie, so I wonder of this is a reference to the comics of the same name. You know, talking cat and all that.”

“uh hu.”

“But then again the Archie comics do feel a bit out of our prepubescents author’s age group.”

“Your still going with that bit, Marcie?”

“It is not a bit, Gina, thank you very much. I just worry we are being too harsh on her, I don’t want to kill of an aspiring artists ambition.”

“That’s ok. I’m more then happy to do it for you.”

“Hm, let’s see. Unfortunately neither of us masturbated to it, although the sex scenes weren’t terrible, they didn’t cater to my tastes.”

“Some more non lesbian sex would have been nice.”

“And I believe with this we can wrap this follow up...heh up.”

“Lovely.”